The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today was a good day, seems that over the past few days, good is more prevalent than bad. I believe I have finally learned the true meaning of detachment, and for me, thats a huge and powerful thing. Sobriety has only been with us for 35 days, but already I am learning to bite my tongue when I feel my own triggers being pulled. In the past, and even as recently as within the past 10 days, I have always reacted with suspicion and would get caught up with the obessesion of wondering, where, when and how much. Lately, because communication is much better between us, and I know now that I cant feed into it, I simply say "oh, ok" and let the matter drop. I believe I have finally realized that not every trip to the store for butts or movie rental is anything more than that, and even if it is, worrying about it isnt going to change the outcome. I do have to remind myself of this every time, but it is getting easier, and I find when I am not obssessing, *I* feel better. I do, however, have a simple question. We are communicating quite openly now, but I am finding that all our conversations are REALLY deep, more deep than I want right now, and they are exhausting. Most of these conversations are about him and the fact that he is "stuck in his own head". Topics leap from one to another with no transition, things are just blurted and then beaten to death by talk. I am finding it exhausting, is this part of normal recovery behavior? seeking peace, jeannie
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if you bring forth what is within you, what is within you will save you
I wonder if he has a sponsor? This is who would be the one for him to talk to about what he is sharing with you.
One thing in my experience was, I am not here to be his counselor or doctor. It is my own opinion they need to find what they need for themselves.
If you don't feel comfortable, maybe you could ask him, hey do you have a sponsor? I believe another A would understand more what you are going thru.
It is very ok to make sure you are comfortable in your own skin. I mean to say, I am tired or tell him you are really not up to talking etc.
From what I have seen, the A's who are on a plan of recovery, do the best. Plan of recovery being goals,changes and compromises they choose to follow and go for.
I hope you get to being more comfortable together. love,debilyn
I agree with Debilyn, they need to find their own counselors, program friends, sponsors- JUST LIKE WE DO! For me, being in recovery means I no longer live in isolation or clamp onto one person expecting them to meet all my needs. You have enough to deal with just facing your own recovery issues.
This may be a boundary for you to consider.
I am really glad that you are feeling some of the benefits of detachment. Its really an incredible miracle for me, too- those good days, free of trauma and drama! I am so thankful for this program- hugs, J.
I agree - you have the right to set some boundaries on this issue. I liked the deep talks, but not all the time, and not always about him - I had issues too! Honesty can't go only one way - you can say your piece too, and it may be "I'm a little too tired for this right now".
