The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
that you all are right that I obviously don't know yet what I want to do. I feel like I want to say no to some things, but fear that I won't be able to do this when the time comes. Like Jerry said maybe I am not convinced. Though I feel like I am convinced, just also that I am ashamed that I have not been able to, and fear that I won't be able to follow up on that conviction. I also really liked that the thought that I get to determine whether he is in my life or not. I do not think that I am a good place for him because I can be so weak about things. However, when I think on this I get all guilty and wrapped up in how I may have negatively influenced him. I do not also think that he is a good place for me. because I can be so weak. I do not think that us together would be a good place for my child because I can be so weak. Yet, at the same time, I struggle with the "what ifs..." What if it is different, etc...? What if I can make a stand and a difference for us both? Ahh....thanks for the input and as always thanks for letting me be honest and put it all out there- no holding back.
Co, I can tell you are in a difficult place right now. The choices and decisions are yours to make. It sounds like you are overwhelmed and I can understand why. If you fear bad choices being made, then only make 1 for right now. If you feel it is better for him to not be in your home, then let it be that. He has other options as you said, let him decide where else to go. If he is not there then you may be relieved of some of your worries. But YOU have to make that decision. It is so much easier said than done, I know that very well myself. My home life is in such chaos now, all I can do is come to the board and read post after post and see how others are doing in the program. There is no doubt that you have some self searching to do. But you will find support here in any decision you make. That's what we do here. Be kind to yourself and take care of you!!!
You mention the "what ifs" game ~ that we all have done to ourselves. For lack of a better analogy, it is mental masturbation. It is a huge trap to 'what if' yourself. What if, never ends either!
The danger is that you are not living in the present moment consciously, 'what if' is a past & future game, it is not reality & can make you very thwarted & keep you very sick.
Yes, it is your life and of course, you can make a bounary to protect yourself and keep him out of it, if that is what you so choose to do. I was definietely more able to detach when I had healthy boundaries in place, it all goes together and works cohesively when you begin to make some positive steps toward change.
You can do it, you're worth it!
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
The what if's are a killer. I think that's why I stayed so long. One time I was talking to a guy - saying I wasn't sure if I was done and he said ... Oh, do you want more of the same? I had to change my way of thinking from living on the hope that he would get better to living in reality and if he does get better (after a long time of watching actions and not listening to empty promises) then I'd see how I felt then. He never did get better... worse actually. As for being weak, I felt that too, always felt like I was being mean by telling him no to anything, etc. I think this is where fake it till you make it helped me. Inside I felt weak but outside I projected strong and eventually I became strong all the way thru. I hope that helps!
