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My chronic alcoholic step mother has been diagnosed with lung cancer in the last two months. It is slow growing but she has started to dehydrate and is falling down a lot. She has also been diagnosed with diabetes. Her daughters my half sisters know at this stage and though not as much in denial as what they were fail to acknowledge that it is actually the alcholism which has her the way she is. Both my father and her go to bed with glasses of whisky which they have failed to drink on their bedside lockers. They are downing a bottle + of whisky a day. I detached but did ring my father this morning offering to help if it is needed. I would get someone in to clean the house etc. However I do not appreciate the fact that a lot of this is self induced. You are going to dehydrate if you just drink alcohol. Help me to stop taking inventories and just be as proactive as possible without enabling.
You're right back at step one. Isn't it crazy that as much work as we do in this program, we get kicked back to step one in a heartbeat sometimes. It's a toughie. Try to remember that her alcoholism is not all that different than her lung cancer. She is ill. She's now ill on two fronts. While you don't want to enable - you do want to be supportive as she no doubt does needs some help now that the cancer has appeared.
Keep repeating the serenity prayer and do what you know is best for both her and yourself.
MR, you have choices. You are doing a good job of detaching, it seems to me. I do understand, tho, getting hung up sometimes with how they refuse to have a bit of common sense! But this is the hallmark of this disease: they are clueless about taking care of themselves. My mom is the same way- its sad and its very frustrating, just remember you can do or not do whatever you want, its your choice at all times. Hugs, J.
I would get/give you a copy of the book 12 steps for adult children and work the steps again with the book as a guide.
It has to be so hard to watch a parent deteriorate and I believe you, it's from the alcoholism. Hang in there and try to focus on yourself. I'm acoa too, so I understand. If you ever want to talk, just PM me.
friends in recovery, -kitty
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
