Emotions - Al-Anon Family Group

Marshmallow · Member

Emotions

cantmoveon · Member

hi marsh (or should i call you mellow?:)

first, let me start by saying i am new and no expert at all.

BUT

i understand leaving after a very long time. i KNOW the pain and sorrow and oh boy do i know the anger.

all i can tell you, as i have been told here, i think we are in the right place because the anger isn't going to go away unless you are proactive about it. i think the first "step" (and i don't mean that in the sense of the program step) is the hardest step. letting go and leaving - it almost killed me. i felt like a failure and i blamed myself for everything.

i just wanted to say that i wish you the best of luck over the next few weeks. those were the hardest for me and i very much wish then i would have known about this place. i think it would have helped me tremendously!

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Marshmellow!!

The very best thing I ever did when I was in your situation was find the door
to the rooms of the Al-Anon Family Groups and the people there who had
been thru what I was going thru and had more experience strength and hope
than I could ever imagine and that was also available to me if I wished to keep
coming back and listening. I did that, kept coming back and listened, learned
and practice it. Talking about the problem still left me in the problem. Walking
the things I learned put me into real solutions rather that what was "traditional"
thinking and "have tos". Outside of the program my associates at work and my
traditional family gave me the old usual "leave her" speeches. Inside the
program the loving members told me to listen, learn and practice the program
and focus on myself and my part in my problems rather than focus all of them
on my alcoholic wife.

Look for the Al-Anon hotline number in the white pages of your local telephone
book and call that number for information and direction to the meetings and
then go. Give it you best effort for at least 90 days and then s l o w l y go
after decisions.

Keep coming back here also. Yours in love and service (((((hugs))))) smile

Suzannah · ~*Service Worker*~

So Marshmallow , letting go is hard to do and you are hurting and you now realise that you cannot control someone else. All you have control of is YOU and what you do. If he cannot control what he does, how on earth do you think you might be able to control what he does. That is like 'flogging a dead horse', no matter what you do that horse is NOT going to get up. So stop trying or even thinking of trying to control him and what he does, you cannot.

Been there, got the t-shirt so I know that it is hard, and you will be hurting for a long time. And, just when you think you are okay, you will hurt some more.

Just remember, keep coming back here, you are among friends and this is your new extended family who care about YOU. We are here to listen, to share and to show that we care.

As Jerry says, Al-anon meetings are the best source of help, if you are able to go for the real person to person hugs are THE BEST and know that you will be among people who have shared similar experiences.

I am not fortunate enough to have Al-anon meetings that I can attend and so I treasure this family and the cyber hugs. I am sending some of these cyber hugs to you ((((((((((Marsh mallow))))))))) right now and keeping you in my prayers.

As for the Disney Trip, how wonderful, just keep in mind that you are only in control of YOU and so you must protect you and your children by having a plan B should he fall by the wayside so that your special trip is not ruined. Remember what you HOPE for, may not be what actually happens. Be ready for the unexpected and please read, listen and share, letting go of him and keeping hold of yourself in all of this is the only way forward.

Keep on sharing, and we will all keep on caring.
Suzannah

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.