The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have spent the past 10 days or so being very steady and positive by hard work. My cancer issues are being addressed ODAT (the very words of my doctors), and I am accepting and working on healthy habits, including stress management.
My son has two weeks of AA under his belt; he goes daily and has been sober and calm the entire time. My spouse and I are working hard to just detach, ask no questions (he volunteers quite a bit of info), and trying hard to have no expectations. Today, unfortunately for me, the local newspaper featured a huge article on people unemployed with pictures, length of unemployment, and how much money they have lost. With 80,000 having this problem here (and much under reported probably) as well as those UNDER-employed, I am totally depressed today. My son's job search is grueling. He is undertaking that along with AA all at the same time. I don't know what he is going to do to find employment. He is often told he is overqualified for most of the things he applies for, but underqualified for professional positions that require a degree or specialized training. I suspect just going back into school to finish his degree might help. But money is such an issue. I also fear (and here is where it is hard to stay detached) that he will fail the AA program if he gets completely discouraged from the job hunt.
With all that said, I am sure all can see that detachment is such a problem for me. With his child here three days a week, he comes and stays for several hours, taking on all the responsibility with childcare. The little one is just estatic to have his Daddy so often and that is a good thing. Perhaps this is HP at work? It seems like a very negative situation with the job, etc that HP would be working for a positive outcome. But I will try very hard to see it that way.
Rather than thinking that the job hunt may affect your son't participation in AA, how about the opposite? The way I see it, maybe AA over time will give your son the tools and perseverence to keep looking for, and eventually get, and keep, a job.
Now that your son is at your house and with your grandson 3 days per week, can you slip out and get to a weekly face-to-face meeting for you? I know it probably sounds daunting, but you so deserve it. Truly, I value my opportunities to get meetings like getting a pedicure or a massage. It is relaxing and healing and good for my soul. You are dealing with a lot, and there are others out there who have experienced your pain. You deserve friendship, support, listening ears and all the good things al-anon can bring you. Also, you are such a kind and wise woman, and have a lot to give through your e,s and h too.
Blessings, Lou
__________________
Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
Detaching also inscludes detaching the mind and emotions from anything that will bring your spirit down. You have no control over the unemployed or the employment market. Real detachment is difficult at first and does not require you and your husband loose your character of being of help in the right way and time. Allow the alcoholic to learn and practice his own responsiblities. AA is big on that or else he will not attain and maintain real sobriety. Hold him up to the light of the Serenity Prayer and then follow thru. Al-Anon is also for men...just a suggestion.
