The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm positive DH is an alcoholic. Except that he is positive that it's just my issue, because I don't understand social drinking.
He drinks (usually alone) 2-3 times a week. Doesn't usually get "smashed" but often has just enough to not drive safely. Sometimes he does drink responsibly.... Sometimes he is still slurrying his words the next morning. He doens't drink at home much anymore because I "just get too weird about it."
Sound familiar?
I can see that I have shifted into codependent behaviors over the last several years, and have been in denial.....trying to live with the idea that it really was just me.
Now I am working on me.....and finding myself again. And I am making progress. "Let go and let God" is my mantra.
I don't know where to go.... He admitted he had a drinking problem a few weeks ago, but I think he has since changed his mind and decided it was really my problem.
Quesions:
1) Am I over-reacting? Is it really just me?
2) Where to go from here? At a recent family reunion, after everyone went to bed, he we
I strongly recommed face to face (f2f) Al-Anon meetings. There you will find what you are looking for. As for your questions? only you can answer those but before those answers come you will have to do the basics and you will learn those at regular meetings.
As for whether or not your husband is an alcoholic or not only he can make that determination. In the meantime you can learn how to change your reactions to his actions in meetings, getting a sponsor and working the steps.
You have made the first step in reaching out, now it's only a matter of time until the miracle happens. Keep coming back and you will find the peace you are looking for.
Yours in recovery Barb
-- Edited by Mobirdie at 12:17, 2008-08-01
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
Why not read some of the Toby Rice Drew books? They are a good start. You can also read other texts on codependency. Personally I believe I was codependent long before I met the A. In fact I think I was shaped as that in childhood.
I know I had a lot of issues with the A I was with and his behavior. Nothing but nothing I did changed it. When I started to change was when things got different. The A didn't change. In fact he is as totally self absorbed, self pitying as he always was as far as I can tell. I changed. I stopped allowing his behavior to affect me so drastically. None of that happened overnight.
Julie, You are affected by a loved ones drinking.......if he chooses to admit he has a problem or not...that is for him to decide.......but the fact that you are affected is what you need to focus on.
I know with my hub....he points the finger at me so that he does not have to look at himself. He knows that there are issues that he contributes to.....but so do I.
Post on the board here, we have an al-anon chat room that has open chat and meetings twice a day, find a local face to face meeting if you can.
Glad you found us and I look forward to talking with you soon.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
Aloha Julie...your post seemed to drop off the cliff. As to your questions?
Are you over reacting...maybe sometimes you are. Alot of human beings over react and then maybe what you mean is that the disease has got you fearful and anxious and every action seems like a reaction?
Where do you go from here? Go to the Al-Anon Face to Face meetings in your area and sit down with others who have been or still are right where you are with those who learned how to change it. That is some very valueable ESH and you don't have to pay to hear it.
Go to the white pages of your telephone book and look up the hotline number for Al-Anon; call and ask them where at and what time the meetings are.
You will be more than glad you did. Keep coming back. (((((hugs)))))
