The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I thought it was safe to go to bed (he was at a friends, "not unhappy drunk Mum" as he says, not going into town) then I was awakened at 2am - please Mum come and bring me some money, I can pay you back tomorrow - and guess what! I did! Can you believe it? I was fuming the whole time but I still did it! I was absolutely furious, not at him, because after all it's learned behaviour, but at myself for being so pathetic and doing something which is so fundamentally wrong for him! I don't really know why I did it, I can't come up with any self-deluding justification except i guess I am thinking well he's going away in a few days (to his Dad's interstate). So I am embarrassed and ashamed but also determined that I will NEVER do that again. Then of course I lay awake for the rest of the night wondering if he was going to turn up "UNhappy drunk"!
please don't beat yourself up for this. You are not perfect. At times I still do things I should not do relating to the A in my life but I'm learning, and so are all of us.
There was some pay off for me when I rescued the A. I stopped doing it a year ago. There was an enormous withdrawal for me afterwards. I said I was going to stop so many times, then I would do it, then go back. I've stuck to it this time. I can't say its easy.
Thankyou guys for your support. I knew no-one would criticise me but still.... you know when I did that at 2am this morning I kept thinking that at least I knew I could post to this forum about it.
Libby Aloha...it's okay to forgive yourself. That is what we do when we love ourselves. With practice you will earn more positive consequences and then be able to help others when they fall back into old behaviors.
(((Libby-HUGS))) One of the first things I heard at a f2f Al-Anon meeting was that we are allowed to make mistakes. That has been a good thing for me because I have sure made my share of them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with making mistakes as long as we learn form them. We forgive others so easy, so we also need to learn how to forgive ourselves. You need to forgive that lady that you see in the mirrow when you are next combing your hair. LOL RLC
Yep... recognition of this is a major step for you.... Nobody is likely to criticize you on here, cuz most or all of us have "been there, done that", in some form or another....
One trick that might help you, is to "remove yourself from the situation, as best you can", in your thought process.... By this, I mean trying to imagine the situation as if it was your best friend going through this with her son - what would you hope "she" would do? Sometimes when we look at this from an outside perspective, it is easier to see that giving them money in the middle of the night is not doing them any good at all....
Just a thought.... Hang in there...
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
