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Okay he's trying, he's moody and obviously really wanting a beer.
He said he was sorry for being short with me (sweet) and that he was just really having a hard time tonight. I said " is there anything I can do" he said "yea, go to the beer store"
Believe it or not this is deep emotional conversation in my house/ no joke! Anyway so now I want to help but of course am not going to beer store. Anybody have any suggestions?
Are there foods that help? or anything? How long does it last - the cravings or whatever? I know when he gets a sponsor he'll have some help.. but I have to let him do that in his own time. If I push he'll go the other way Anybody want to share their experiences? Please
I am a real novice here so I don't have any advice as such. I see you are a senior member so you have probably been doing the meetings etc I would imagine, and know heaps of stuff that I am just starting to learn about. I am thinking what I would do - maybe take myself off to another room and activity, go out for a while, remain cheerful but not buying into his needs and feelings? With my son 19 I have been trying to do this, pretty much not acknowledging his feelings (he is drinking all the time) re his wanting alcohol etc, just trying hard to appear to be the same, and trying to do what I would normally be doing without giving him extra attention. It's hard to sit there and watch TV or read or whatever and feel terrible inside all the time but I guess esssentailly I am trying to keep things "normal". I no longer tell him he shouldn't drink and I try not to flinch away from the smell that surrounds him all the time. His problem, his very clear choice. I certainly feel for you and it is certainly one day - one moment - at a time isn't it.
I don't think you want my AH's substitutions - tobacco and a girfriend!
Seriously, though, I have heard that many alcoholics in recovery start craving sugar because it helps relieve the craving somewhat (alcohol is metabolized into sugar?). I don't know if that is a healthy suggestion or not.
As a side, when my AH was in rehab, it seemed like everyone smoked, well, except my AH who chewed. Gross. Anyhow, he said the facility made a decision that they would allow one cup of coffee a day and nicotine because if they didn't, no one would come. Sad, but probably very true...
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
I agree, you can be loving and warm, but don't have to share his mood, don't have to take any of this on.
Different circumstance, but same theme - about two years after my husband sobered up, we went to a work-related dinner, where some of the big-wigs of the company were there. Some of the executives, flown in from France and New York, were people that my husband had worked with, back when he started with the company. I think that this was the first time it was brought home to him just what he had done, by his actions over all those years, to his career. Here he was, after twenty years, doing essentially the same job, in essentially the same place, when he certainly had the skills to have gone quite far. Far too late to do anything about it now,within sight of retirement.
Walking home that night, he was pretty low. And for once I had the sense not to try to make it better. There truly was nothing I could do or say to cheer him up or make this any easier, and nothing I SHOULD do or say. I took his hand, and kept my mouth shut.
One of the things that sober alcoholics learn is that they can feel bad, and it won't kill them. They spend so much of their lives running from bad feelings, but part of sobriety is finding out that when you just face those feelings, you actually CAN stand them.
My honest answer to my alcoholic was "I don't know how to help...what I do makes it worse for me." I once was told an experience by a fellow woman member that when her alcoholic asked her to get him a drink she went to the kitchen and returned with a glass of water. She got him a "drink" and that was it. Courageous and imaginative.
The slogan that helped me when I was a newbie and didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know was don't react...not even to ask "was there anything I could do?" Why? because I didn't know what to do and didn't know what I was up against or dealing with...I didn't know and didn't know I didn't know. How else could I respond than from my best reaction that made things worse and asking her for direction or "what is it that you want?" was like tempting the devil or worse.
"Call someone who is recovering in AA" is probably the very best suggestion. "...who is recovering..." is the qualifier in that statement. Self pity, resent- ments and remorse can take a whole train load of newly recovering drunks over the edge and into a crash. I am a member of both programs I have seen it happen before and the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous has lots to say about it. Does he have a "Big Book". If he does a suggestion of "maybe you'll find some relief in the Big Book" is suggestion enough.
I use to hate being in your position without support and new awarenesses and experiences. It always seemed like I was being invited back into hell.
When I worked as a substance abuse counselor...we took real sugar away from the client and smoking was restricted to time and place for the obvious reasons.
Keep coming back and get to your sponsor and meetings. (((((hugs)))))
It is up to the A to figure it out. Though i do understand.
Does he smoke? Smoking depletes vitamin C. Drinking is lots of fluids. Then need to drink water and white pop.
My A could not drink anything but orange juice as grape etc was too much like wine.
You can go online and find out what vitaimins and minerals he needs.
A balanced diet with multi vitamins etc is vital. He probably has low blood sugar. Alcohol keeps them up from all the sugar in it.
He needs complex carbs and protein. Sugar is a no no as it will do the same as alcohol, send him up then boom down. It is a viscios cycle. That is why he needs a good diet, eat many small meals a day, keep his blood sugar and insulin working well.
I am sure there are many things online for you. You could also contact a dietician. Hope this helps. love,debilyn
Thanks so much everyone. I especially like the ideas of calling someone who is recovering or suggesting he read the big book- I don't expect he will do either but they are healthy suggestions-the health ideas sound really good and I will see if we both wouldn't benefit from a healthier diet, drinking more water etc.! that was what I was looking for, that and venting a bit... Thanks all!
Just in case your wondering shortly after I made the post he went to the beer store!!
I ran into a recovering A who I know from AA today. He was telling me how much he "needs" sugar. He said he always drinks sodas, and eats chocolate. He has to have it. I have heard others say that sweets are good in helping the recovering alcoholic. I know anything is bad when it's too much of it. I also know that at AA meetings they have candy available. I wonder how much is too much for the recovering alcoholic or should they not have any (sweets)? My Asober ate a lot of icecream until recently when I quit buying it. Thanks for bringing this up. Any opinions?
this is his trip leave it with him hes gotta go thru the pain ,just hug him and let him know u are proud of his efforts. He knows where to go for help AA guys will walk him thru it all he's gotta do is ask and let them know he is hurting , My husb said the compulsion to drink took 5yrs for him. he just made a commitment every day to NOT DRINK TODAY , stick with your own program work on you lots of meetings change what u can . YOU Louise
I think not dealing with feelings is the thing here. They do not know they can feel bad and live over it or that they can choose to do something healthy to make it better or learn to live differently so they don't have same pain again.
Perhaps AA will help I know I'm not the one to tell him this. Hope he make is to AA soon.
