The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just found this forum as I sat here trying to figure out what to do next. My A husband was sober for about 4 yrs and relapsed a month or so ago. He went into rehab and got out last week. He went right back to using/drinking. I confronted him today when I realized and now I'm at an impass. I want to leave, I want to stay, I don't know what to do.
Even if he goes willingly back into rehab we will have to move out of our rental as w/out his income we can't afford it. He does not want to go back to rehab, thinks he can quit on his own. But he's already proven he's not there yet. I don't want to threaten, punish, hide his habit, or lie for him anymore. I want to do what's best for me, but I'm not sure what that is. Do I give up on him and let him figure it out? I can't do it for him, I didn't do it to him, and thus its his battle.
The only thing my staying would accomplish is making me jumpy and sad. I don't want to live my life wondering what he's up to, and I don't trust him anymore.
Sigh...I just needed a place to unload this, thanks.
You found the right place to vent. There's so much collective experience, strength and hope on this message board. Read away. More importantly, get to a real face to face meeting where you will not be alone, you will feel validated, you will begin to feel better and then be able to make good, sound decisions for yourself about what to do.
Welcome, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Your hand is on the doorknob that leads to the meeting of the Al-Anon Family Groups and miraculous events. "I don't know what to do." I've said that and got a slogan which I still use today...When in doubt don't (don't do anything because I didn't have solutions. I didn't know what the real problem was) I had to rely on others more experienced than I. So here is a first suggestion only. Find the hotline number to the Al-Anon Family Groups in the white pages of your local phone book and call and get the meeting places and times and get to the earliest one that is available. They will know why your are there and there will be a chair waiting for you plus literature and face to face support.
Let the other stuff that you are thinking are the solutions go for now. They can wait. First thing first is you.
Welcome to this group. Many of us have certainly been where you are. This is a great great resouce especially if you are in crisis. Please stick around, post often, reply often, go to the chat room, go to meetings. Try us.
None of us will judge you, none of us will tell you what you shoulda coulda woulda done. We are here to help support and care while you are going throug this difficult time.
Hi! I was about to leave my marriage (again) the first night I came here. My A hubby slipped also after being sober 3 years. His slip has lasted 4 years. I could not take it anymore.
Luckily, I found my "home" here!
Welcome! And keep coming back, you will find your peace.
Just a hug hello, and I've also been where your at - several times! I don't know how I would have gotten through without the help of the others in Alanon. It is so difficult to feel that any decision you make may be the wrong one. I know! Like Jerry said - When in doubt, don't. I live by that slogan!
...and keep coming back.
