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My son 19 has been binge drinking for a month. Also on anti-depressants. The result is what you guys of course know all about. He is not violent to me or my son 15 but is putting himself at great risk, stealing, smashing things, blacking out, blames the medication, doesn't want to stop drinking. I am constantly filled with fear except when he is sober. Don't know what to expect when I go home. Of course he has major issues and he knows that too. I can't keep ringing friends and saying "guess what's happened now". Can't keep him out of the house when he's drunk because he ends up home anyway, plus our front door has been kicked in, or he would kick it in if we had one. Have made some headway with his Dad (4000km away) for him to go there, but this may or may not work. I am hoping he is scared enough by his own actions and blackouts to give it a go, the fact that I rang his Dad is a big thing. I just wanted to be able to get this off my chest in a supportive environment, than you.
Sounds like a terrible situation. You can come here anytime and voice your concerns and issues. I set tremendous limits with the A I was with over time. I know that is hard. If your son kicks the door in that is a criminal action and he can go to jail for it. Is there something stopping you for taking that action? I know there was for me for years.
I found this group very very helpful. I came here emotionally and spiritually bankrupt for a long time. Now I feel happy and serene and secure. I am much much much better as a result of being in al anon. You can be too. No matter what your son does you can have a life.
Welcome to the Board & MIP. We do host 2 daily meetings in the chat room, if you are interested... just pop in & ask what time in your zone.
You say he's binge drinking, I am assuming he's binged before. I don't know what it's like to be a parent of an A but the wrecking things sounds pretty scary. I'm kind of with Maresie, maybe some police influence would scare him straight. You never know, evey one is different. I am sure that sounds like unusually 'tough love' but they start out & escalate. This is a progressive disease, meaning over time, things worsen.
Call the authorities & see what your options are, just so you know, you may never use them. I had to call the police when my exAH threatened to kill me, even though he was over 1,000 miles away, I had to know my options for my safety & peace of mind. I just logged a complaint, in case he did show up, the police would already have me on record. I didn't have to do anything, turned out nothing happened but I made sure both counties (cops) knew about it & they were very nice, informative & reassuring.
I'd check into a meeting alanon or even alateen for your other son. When you get to a meeting, scoop up all the pamphlets & study them. They will tell you what you may have been doing to unknowingly feed the A's behavior & give you clues how to handle things more effectively.
You sound surprisingly grounded (to me) when I first came to alanon I was a basket case & it took me many years to fully apply & grasp my situation and realize that I needed to focus on myself & have my own life. We can't save them but we can learn to change our behavior & attitude and model something different. It's amazing how some of the smallest changes in behavior are very noticeable to the A. I was being an enabler & didn't know it. This disease is insidious but it's not hopeless.
I encourage you to stick with it, it's changed & saved my life. Maybe I'll see ya in chat some time! Remember, you are not alone.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Hi Libby, I am also dealing with an A son that has made my home miserable for the past couple years AND I have a younger son 13 at home. My son suffered a severe brain injury a year ago and it has really complicated things. My bounderies became non-existant... After a year of crying and having my 13 year old have to live with this I finally kicked him out. I stayed awake for nights in a row. Like you commented after awhile you get tired of venting about it to friends... It just never seems to stop. Bottom line is my son is homeless, just got a DUI, has been kicked out of 3 homes since mine for the same behavior. But I know that I was NOT helping him so I had to step back. That is why I first started participating in this sight. I stepped back for him but it has done wonders for me and his little brother. And now I can see things a little more clearly. I still cry... But I know that he has to fix this himself.
In order to help your son, you must first help yourself. That includes setting bonderies... I'm so sorry for your pain. More will come and I'm sorry for that too.
Good thoughts, hugs & prayers for you and both your sons.
Thank you for all your replies, aren't we lucky that we can reach out to total strangers and find love and support. Yes i probably should have called the police at times, and yes I have huge issues in doing the "tough love" thing although I know it is the right thing to do. My problem is living in a small town he will always find his way home even if i could kick him out, also that I am the only one he talks to about his mental stuff. So many nights I have sat up with him until 5am until i know he is safe (asleep) from either hurting himself or going out into the street and hurting someone else. From what I am learning, it seems i shouldn't be stopping him .... I recently made the decision that if I know it's going to be a "bad" night I will take my son and stay at someone else's place for the night. After all, for all his drunken rantings, he hasn't actually killed himself nor gone out and killed someone else.
I have also decided that if living with his Dad doesn't work i will tell his Dad that he has to help us (which means financially) to move back to our home town to get more support for all of us ... where we live there are very limited psych services and no family. I don't want to have to stuff up son 15 life, he likes it here, but we can't continue like this. I also think that if AS had a life threatening physical illness we would go home like a shot - should this situation be any different?? It's so hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel - even finding the entrance.
