The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Once again, I've picked up the book "codependent no more". I'm in the middle of the part "feel your own feelings". As I started reading about "repressing feelings" and what that can do for people I saw a connection between those feelings and my Asober.
"we lose the ability to feel" "we may shut down our deep needs - our need to love and be loved - when we shut down our emotions. We lose the ability to enjoy sex, the human touch. We lose the ability to feel close to people, otherwise known as intimacy. We lose our capacity to enjoy the pleasant things in life."
It seems like he is repressing his feelings and that might be one reason why he is currently like this. I have heard that how he is currently is completely normal and by reading this it helped me understand it even more. It will get better at some point. I'm just having a hard time being patient but I will do my best.
hi, does your asober go to AA regularly, is this person on a plan of recovery?
If not, your A is just not using.Which is just one symptom of being an addict. This person will have almost all the same behaviors as when they used.
Many have brain damaged by using.The disease does lots of damage.
I thought you were reading that book for you. A's do not think or have the same behaviors of those who are not addicts. They have a disease that never is cured,no matter what they do, they will always be addicts.
If they work out a personal plan of recovery, many can have a very nice life.
Anyway we all need to do our best to think about us. We can never figure anyone else out,never. The saying "we cannot rationalize insanity," comes to mind.
When we learn to think of us, and really realize our A's stuff is there own,it frees us. We stop trying to figure them out, we don't look for needles or bottles or watch when they come home.
We take care of us,we cannot do anything for them anyway. We can learn to accept them as is.
Meetings help so much.Your reading is great."getting them sober,"a great book is super helpful to help us to understand.
Yes, he goes to AA and intensive outpatient rehab. He is very early in his recovery and he probably just needs time to "get a hang of it" or maybe I'm wrong. He's told me before he should be able to do this on his own (as I wrote in an earlier post). He doesn't agree with the HP deal. When he told me that I thought this is the end of the world.
The way I see it now, wheather he's actively working the program or not is his deal not mine.
I am reading the book for me but I did notice that he's the way it was described in the book. I know I have tried to figure him out for so long. The program has taught me not to do this so much but I do "slip". At times I still obsess over things he says or does, and after a while of thinking about it I realize I worried for nothing. I'm used to doing this so I guess it will take some time to completely stop that behavior.
When I do fall into my "irrational thoughts" I tell myself the words "stark raving sober" and when I'm about to react to something negative he said or did or did not do I tell myself the words "say what you mean, mean what you say, and don't say it mean" and "don't react".
Surprisingly after he got home from AA yesterday he was not withdrawn and qiet and serious. We joked around and talked about unimportant stuff. I enjoyed being around him and I think so did he.
There were a few days when I didn't really apply some of the things I've learned in alanon. Now I know the difference between times when I work my program (even though I'm just at the very beginning) and the times when I don't.
I'm trying to live "one day at the time" which I am not used to doing. But what I can accept now is when today didn't go too good, tomorrow is a new day, and I let go of today when tomorrow comes.
((( buick ))) I am really proud of you! It sounds as if you are really taking the program to heart & getting it, even though you have just begun. You really are growing & understanding quickly ~ wow! Keep up the good work and do something nice for yourself!
love, -k
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I find that I go back to that book year after year after year - it never gets stale for me. And now I'm using the daybook and finding it gives me fresh inspiration and JUST what I need to read at the right time.
I'm working hard at letting my step daughter work her own program - and watching her shine on some days. Last week her dad was out of town and we had the chance for some lovely little chats. She's got a lot of trust issues, as so I. No wonder we're both so wary.
But for this day, I am grateful. And for the small gems that scatter themselves amongst the not-so-wonderful days, I am also grateful.
Many alcoholics have codependency issues. The thing is that it is great to be able to put a label on their feelings/behaviors but its really them that has to change and its up to them when and if they do it.
In the meantime you can work on yourself. I have been for the past few years and it does get better. I used to be so immersed in the A and others. Now I am not now I am immersed in me and what I need to do next.
