The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am fairly new here and my husband is an alcoholic. He has tried to cut back on his drinking, but the thing is that I don't like to be around him when he does not drink. On the days he does not drink, he just lays around and is very high strung. The days that he does drink, by the end of the night I can't stand to be around him, because he is drunk and annoying. I think I have come to the conclusion that I want a divorce, but that is just hard now, because the economy is so bad, we have a 4 year old together and I don't know if I can do it by myself. There is also the emotional part of it as well. But I don't think I can get much more miserable that what I have been, and that is all because of him. Any advice would help, it's hard for me to make it to meetings, because I don't have a babysitter for my son.
I am sorry for your pain... I have left behind a couple of A's in my past and we survived. It seems at times like we have no options but they are there if we really start to look. Check the cost of apartments etc. I don't know your financial situation but I believe looking at your options and getting involved with Alonon will make you feel better/stronger.
Thank you, we have a house together and when we bought it, he had no credit, so the house is in my name. I would have to ask him to move out and I don't think he would be very good at paying child support, I buy everything for our son the way it is now.
Your are in a tough situation, no doubt. I am glad you came here and I am sure that others will join in welcoming you. There is no easy answer, none what so ever. But that you have come here and at least vented or posted your feeling should help you a little bit. Sometimes just getting those thoughts out of your head helps. Any time a divorce is thought about it is difficult and painful. Take your time, do not make any hasty decisions is my advice. I wish you luck and you are in my prayers. Keep coming back we are all here for you!!!
well you can go to meetings here. They have them twice a day. you can also go into the chat room anytime. there are people there a lot of the time. I found that a great solace when I first started out.
Al anon has many tools you can use to manage where you are now, where you can go to and what you can do to manage both when your husband is drinking and when he isn't.
I was "trapped" in a relationship for 7 years, didn't know how to get out. I started coming here daily and using the tools. Things unfolded for me I can't say it was seamless but after a long time it got better. I am not not miserable 24/7. For me it was a lot of work to learn the tools that is not the case for everyone.
"But I don't think I can get much more miserable that what I have been, and that is all because of him" -cbu
I wouldn't count on that happening. This disease does have plateus but it also is progressive, so it will progressively get worse, more whatever. Start taking care of you now.
I agree with wildthang that a divorce is very painful and it sounds like your just deciding this. I hope you do come into the chat room and talk to others. Ppl in there understand and if u cant get to meetings, we have them in chat M-F 9am/9pm EST & weekends too and I'll PM private message you so I can get you some pamphlets if you are interested. They will help.
I encourage you to keep posting and reading here at the Board.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
One of the hardest things you can do it to walk away from a marriage, especially when there are children. To remove the daddy, to have to change the future of all your dreams is a really big thing. I did it 13 years ago and I know it was absolutely the right thing to do, and i never regretted it for a second, but it doesn't mean that I can't acknowledge it is a really serious thing to do to yourself, your husband and your child. Even knowing it was right I still wonder if my AS life may have been different - although to be really homest i think he would have ended up on the street if i had stayed married to his dad. I didn't even have a "reason" to leave - he wansn't alcoholic, worked hard, didn't abuse me. I just stopped loving him - he was (and still is) an extremely moody and bad tempered person. So i packed up my 3 little boys and left (or rather he left). It takes a lot of preparation and maybe a lot of time to get him to leave the house but it is doable if that is what you end up deciding. Since then i have done things i never thougth I had the ability to do and that I would never have been "allowed" to do if I had stayed. It takes time to make the decision, amd then it takes more time to act upon it. And that is good because you have to sure, or as sure as you can be. It's a long journey. Life is very tough for you, as the others say, use the forum, the online meetings, and try to live for each moment. Good luck.
Please don't rule out the possiblity of going to meetings. Some meetings have childcare. At one of my meetings, a little guy sits behind his mom's chair with a little dvd player, earphones and snacks. Or, this is a tough one, maybe you can just be honest with a friend and ask them to help you out once a week.
Regardless, you can get much help here by posting and reading and going to the chat room for meetings and discussion. Also, if you can get yourself a daily reader, like Courage to Change or One Day at a Time, it can help immensely. Tom (aka: CanadianGuy) is offering a wonderful book, "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drew to anyone interested.
Keep coming back and don't give up hope.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
