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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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Why am I always attracted to men who are not available to me.....either physically or emotionally...... I talked to my soon to be ex AH one evening this past week. He gave me a copy of the dissolution papers to look over. I really did OK with it, I didn't cry or come home and have to take nerve pills. In fact, I have only taken maybe 1 or 2 Ativan since I moved in my apt. on the 7th of July. Used to take one every night on the way home from work, just swallow it without water. I went out last night dancing again. I saw my guy friend, he gave me a big hug and kiss, as usual. Asked me to sit at the table with him for a bit. We always have a good time talking. Have known each other 30 years or so. Anyway, he told me this girl from Indiana was coming down that evening (he is seeing her on a weekend only basis). He said he told her he didn't want a relationship, so I guess it's just sex....I dunno. So, I took that as a clue that when she came in, I was going to find something else to do, and someone else to talk to. Then a slow song came on and I asked him to dance before she got there......right when the song ended, he goes "uh, there she is" gave me a hug, and I went to talk to some other friends. It was kinda weird, cos before she got there, he and I were just talking about our lives, and he remembers people I used to date years and years ago that I almost forgot about! Guess he's been paying attention to me for years, I didn't know. Said he was sorry about that girl, said he felt bad, like he was ignoring me when she was there. Said he didn't mean to turn his attention to her, but she drove for a couple of hours to be with him. I told him don't worry about it, no biggie. I had other people to talk to besides him. He said a couple of weeks ago, when he and I were sitting together, and she came in, they just started talking, so I got up and sat with some other friends. She asked him, I guess, where I went, said she hoped I wasn't mad.....well, he and I aren't dating, so why would I be mad? I did think it was sweet of him to come over last weekend and hook up my TV. Later last night I went over to their table to say Hi to her, just to prove I wasn't mad, which I am not, and no hard feelings. She said she went to Gatlinburg, TN last weekend. I didn't tell her that was when he came over to my apartment! LOL He acted kind of surprised that I came over and talked to them, and I sat by HER, not him! He finally got up and went to the bathroom while we were talking. It was kind of funny. The thing is, I have gone so long without affection or attention from a man, and I miss it. I found it with him, last August, when I went out for the first time in 10 years. We used to see each other, 20 years ago or more. I always liked him, he's a lot of fun. BUT, he is NOT, I repeat NOT boyfriend material. He likes women, that is for sure, and they all like him. The thing is, he doesn't want to form boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. He just wants the companionship for the evening, then he wants to go home. I guess he doesn't want to deal with the messiness that a relationship entails. He got divorced 10 years ago, after he and his wife raised their kids. He doesn't want to go on a date, he doesn't want to go out to eat, meet the family, play with the kids/grandkids....... SO....I'm attracted to him. We used to be physical, and could easily be again. I know it's playing with fire, and I will probably get burned if I do anything.....so why do I want him? I really don't care that he is seeing this other girl....that is what is so weird. I can be pretty jealous over a guy. This is not like me. But, I love talking to him. He acts happy that I left my AH (they ran with the same crowd when they were younger.) He said I am looking better, more relaxed and happy. He gives me the attention I crave, and I am so glad when I see him, just to talk for a few minutes. I don't want a "relationship" either. I don't want to have to fix him breakfast, have him under my feet while I'm trying to get stuff done. I just like talking to him on Sat. night, dancing with him, getting hugs and kisses. He is a fantastic kisser. I had almost forgotten what that was like. I don't "love" him like a boyfriend, but I do "love" him like a friend. Last night, he said, he had always liked me, we have always been buddies. He said he knew I had always been picky, and didn't just go with anyone. That was so funny to hear after being called all kinds of names by my AH. And when I do go and sit somewhere else in the bar, he watches over me. He told me last night about things he had noticed a couple of weekends ago when I went and sat with other people. He remembered men who came up and talked to me, who I danced with, etc. It's just weird....here he is sitting with this other girl, but still watching me. AND I think it is weird, that she drives hours to see him, and they sit in the bar, instead of going to the hotel room that she reserves........I think if it were me, I would be dragging him out of there, and to the room! So, I am hoping we stay friends, forever. I am so lonely for some male companionship, tho. Sure miss having a pair of male legs tangled up with mine in the morning! I could easily give in to him, if he came over at just the right time......and I know it would mean nothing to him. It would not change our relationship one bit for him, we would still be buddies. Not exclusive lovers. We wouldn't go to a movie, out to eat, blah blah blah. We would have fun, and he would get up and go home. And I would go on about my life. He doesn't like it when women "want more". That is when he breaks it off. I don't want our friendship to end like that. I don't want to get possessive, especially of HIM~! I guess I am pretty lucky he went so far as to go to Walmart with me last weekend to get the stuff to hook up my TV, I don't think he would do that for just anyone. Sex, yeah. Walmart, no. Well, need to get inside my head and decide what to do with myself. Ugh. Love in Recovery, Becky1
lol your honesty cracked me up all thru your post here.lol You watch,you will be the one he finds he wants to live with.
Ya kiss him like that????? Wow. I could not do that unless I wanted it all. But them I am very much what people call a prude. Nope not for me unless I am married. Done the other way and always ended up hurt.
Yea i think men like that call it bootie calls now. WhenI was a widow and still attractive,and pretty,and cute, I had to keep telling them,"I do not want part time!" But the idiots kept trying. rrrrr Once i told my now AH that, and I told him I was sick of men coming over to goof around and just talk but not want a relationship, he freaked as he thought he was the only one,right.
In a way it is very freeing to be older and not noticed anymore.
Somehow I doubt you are only attracted to unavailable men? You are attracted to them too, or maybe you just really like this guy/friend.
Have you ever invited him to come have dinner? Get some food and head out somewhere and sit and eat and look at stars?
maybe he is wanting you to be available.Or maybe you guys would enjoy each other.
for petes sake Maria, ya kiss him and hold and hug, but then ya give his bootie all attention and don't show jealousy,ummm mixed messages come to mind.
hey say,"Hey,why don't you drop her and go out with me for awhile?"
See what he says.
It is fun to see you being lighthearted and feeling those fun emotions.
Also other things can break too hint hint
going by what you are saying, how you are explaining him, does not fit with his words and actions girly girl.
