The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In my al-anon meetings the topic of trying to make everything perfect or being perfect has come up once and while. This has really got me thinking. I know that when my Abf was active, I used to try to make things as perfect as possible, so as too not rock the boat to make his drinking worse. My sister has told me many a times, that I was always too hard on myself. I have been really thinking about that lately. This morning, I started to beat myself up because I was yelling at my son last night. Not bad, but for the wrong reasons and not in a very productive way. I started thinking about it again this morning. But I am trying to stop myself. And I think this is where my "thinking" is wanting to change. I don't want to feel guilty for having a moment last night. So I wasn't happy go lucky last night, so I yelled at my son a little. This does not mean I screwed everything up! It does not mean I am a bad person. People have bad moments and bad days...I think that is normal right? When my Abf was using, I used to think if I didn't act perfect, he would leave. Now I am starting to think in this way - "well, if I have a bad day, or I am going through a hard time, its not who I am..It's just a bad time. If he wants to leave, he will leave, can't stop him, but I am know that I am doing the best I can." And its when I think of things like this that I know al-anon is sinking in..slowly at least. Has anyone thought this way..about having everything perfect all the time?
Part two: Has anyone had the experience that their PMS has gotten worse as they have gotten older? I have noticed 2 weeks before I start, my emotions are up and down, crying for no reason, etc. uncontrollably BAD!!! My bf knows that I have a rough time during PMS. Says he can't stand to see me like this. But after about a week it does take a tole. Last time he found me crying in the garage. Just sitting there crying for really no reason. It is horrible. I spoke to my doctor and she said it couldn't possibly be PMS if it is 2 weeks before? But I know it is. I have tried anti-depressants and have changed my pill. But it is still kind of bad? Anyone had to deal with this?
Part one yes...I've been thru that one (merry go round music fades into the past) and with program had the same realizations and growth that you are arriving at along with the practice of making apologies and amends to those I had hurt during my "episodes" LOL that I later came to justify but never made apologies or amends for. To apologize to one of my sons for my behavior only and not mention the reason I "thought" was it's source was growth. You are doing good program work...with a sponsor?
Part two no...except as a victim or maybe lower level victim. You get to be lower level when you work the program in all your affairs. My wife use to have severe reactions to her "time of the month" "pms syndrome" whatevers and she had no lack of compassion from me and support...however...One day I talked to her about it and told her, "I understand that your systems get out of whack periodically and that it makes you feel uncomfortable and angry and sick. What I don't understand is why do I have to pay for it", and then I dropped the subject. It didn't take too much time longer for her to take care of her condition with doctors visits, medications, etc etc. I am surprised at how easily she can handle the problem today. Now we gotta go get another fan. I fell off my chair when she came home with a "Obama in 08" hand fan...not a very political person at all but then thats just me.
Yes I suffered with severe PMS like feelings and still don't know if it is depression or pms or a combination of both. I know after I bagan taking depo shots for birth control it became worse as I first got used to shot in my system then so much better after about 6mths and my system got used to it (maybe a little longer) for me the shots made my emotions much much better... but I can't say that was all of it, since I also found alanon and that made my emotions better too but you might ask your doctor. Even if your doc says no way shot made me better I know for sure it did have something to do with it!!! As I suffered from raging emotions all my adult life during certain times and I feel the difference now.
Hey your doc is full of prunes. I was exactly like you. We called it the good time and bad time. two weeks two weeks. It as awful. I had a hysterectomy when I was thiry six and never regreted it. I am soo sad you go thru this too.
Try not eating dairy, no junk food. Just what you want to eat during that time too. hugs debilyn
Part One: I understand...there is no such thing as perfect. We make errors and we can as quickly as we realize it, make amends.
Part Two: OMG can we TALK?? I grew up with an older sister who to this day suffers premenstral discomfort and crankiness, during/ actual menstral disorders which by then include shortness, bad attitude, difficult to live with and grouchiness, followed then by two more weeks of post menstral nastiness. One day I asked her (we were both in HS) if she had done the Math...reminding her that by my calulations she's got an excuse for the entire month covered to be wickedly nasty to the entire world or those God forsaken individuals who were unfortunate enough to live with her. Praise the Lord we now live in different states. That's all I have to say about that!
Yeah, I do believe that PMS worsens with age- just my experience and from listening to other women.
I completely X off that entire week in my calendar and know well ahead of time that i will be crazy that week. Its really helped for me to just look and see that when I really do begin to get crazy and know its biological. It also helps me to chill out when I see it. You would think would just "know" but part of the problem (for me) is that I just DONT!!! LOL!
I agree with Debilyn that food allergies exacerbate it. Dairy and gluten are the things for me to avoid. Also sugar. of course I crave all three at that time!! HA!
Exercise has been key for me- really go gung ho that week in particular. hugs, J.
Oh yeah, PMS--in April I got my first DeproProvera shot! I was climbing the walls before the shot. I felt like I couldn't function normally and now I feel better. I don't know if I am going to continue getting the shot. I am 42 as of yesterday and have never had children. I still want to but it is unlikely. So... I hope you can figure out something about the PMS. You shouldn't have to suffer like that! In recovery, Kathleen
