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I haven't posted in a while. My A is in jail and has been for 6 months. However, he has the possibility of being released in the next month. While he has been incarcerated his "old" normal personality has reemerged from the fogged state it had become. We have had great funny conversations and reconnected. He sent me a letter last week to tell me that he was falling back in love with me and feared that I would once again think he was too wild. I have been in love with him for years- over 10. He has wanted only to be friends for a great deal of that time with the exception of a few months here and there. We do have a 4 year old together. He asked me in the letter if I wondered if we were meant to be together forever? While I have always longed to hear these words, I do understand that they are being spoken by a man in jail who is having only me as a visitor, etc. I also am fearful of his release- almost wanting for him to stay in jail- because of the turmoil I am afraid it will have on my life. While I do want him to be a part of my life and my child's, I am so afraid that he will just revert to his old ways leaving me disappointed, etc. At the same time I don't want to discount that people can indeed change. Just wanted to get your perspective on this. Much Love to All,
I know how you feel wanting to hear those words. A's do what A's do and that is more realistic. And I think that is where acceptance comes in. That's what I am working on. They have a pattern if they don't work a program. All the best to you and your child.
One day at a time is a good way to go. I don't doubt the a who I was with cared for me. The issue is his actions really hurt me. I had to separate out the two.
hi, well been where you are. Fell for it. Got so hurt,still am not right.
Hon all I can say is,"Ignore what he says,watch what he does."
You're one hundred per cent right, he is in jail. I told a man friend of mine that my AH sent me these love letters and was so loving again when I visited him. then got out and broke my heart. asked him why he told me that stuff, he says, i was wrong.
My friend said, he was in jail. Like I was suppose to understand what that meant. I don't care if I was in jail. I would love who I loved,would not be any different than if I was free.
aism is hell. Be careful. true one day at a time, watch what he does.
In spite of all the red flags, in spite of all the warning signs, in spite of the gut feeling I had about the ABF, I bought it all hook line and sinker while he did a year back in the penitentiary on a parole violation, and married him less than a month after he was out. His letters were full of remorse for being a 'bad boy', he couldn't live without me, we were going to live happily ever after, he was going to change, yada yada yada.
It only got worse, much worse than I care to go into right now.
Talk is cheap. Just my two cents.
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
I agree with the others. Watch his ACTIONS. My A has never been incarcerated (in the actual sense), but his disease has held him prisoner most of his life. Either through active drinking, or wading through the aftemath of muck that he created. His disease has limited his opportunities for many things.
For today - I'm watching his actions. I guess in many ways I've been fortunate that the flowery words haven't been tossed around a lot. He even told me that he wanted to be careful not to manipulate the situation with those words. We've got a long history together - and he's got years of program - so we both know how to dance.
Maybe your A is being straight with you, and maybe he's manipulating the situation. Only you can feel that out. Just keep up with your head - and be sure that it doesn't get away from you. Maybe HP is also giving YOU time - while he's serving his time - so that you can figure out what is best for you and your child.
I pay litttle attention to what people say I watch what they do . You have plenty of time to work on yurself use it well , lots of meetings and support , if he is serious he will get help for himself when he gets out of jail . keep the focus on yourself and do what u need to do for yur daughter and yourself . Louise
