The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We just purchased a beach home in Bethany Beach, DE this year. I have really been trying to enjoy my summer there. My husband talked me into this particular house that needs cosmetic work. He has always been very handy around the house. I did not want this house because he has been showing signs of depression the last couple of years and our marriage has not been so good as of late. He thinks he will have energy to do the work but he is just not attempting anything. If I as much as ask him if he is going to do A,B or C I am trying to control him. I cannot win in this situation and I cannot deal with spending much time with him at this place where we are suppose to be working together for retirement. I have tried to get him to tell the doctor about how he is feeling but he is in so much denial that he will not say anything. He tries to blame it all on outward things going on around him. Both of my adult boys and their significant others were there this weekend along with my 2 granddaughters.It was sort of a hectic weekend with a house full. Husband sat and watched tv and slept most of the weekend. He did not join in on anything except the meals.
I feel like everything is up to me as far as meals and activities. God forbid I might want to just relax for awhile. Everyone left early on Sunday and hubby and I decided to stay the rest of the day and get up and go to work from there this morning. That was a waste because we did nothing. He ate, slept and watched tv and I was not a happy camper. I need to find some ways to deal with this. I don't know whether to leave or just try to detach from my family members and do whatever I need to make myself happy.
I'm not really looking for answers from any of you guys...just needed to vent. Thanks for listening if you read this far.
A beach house, by definition, is a place to lay back and relax. You should NOT be the one doing all the work for weekends for the family. You will have to make that known and don't just do it out of habit.
As to your spouse: I think men nearing retirement age do suffer the letdown of aging. Mine did and is. He used to be a dynamo, but with all that has happened to us lately, he does hardly anything. He is ill and has to depend on lots of meds; those keep him sleeping every time he sits down. So I have no good point of view for you on your spouse except to say that anyone who lives with chaos (from your previous posts over the months) eventually suffers from depression. I do, my husband does, it is just almost unavoidable. He probably doesn't use anything like Al-Anon to help. Mine doesn't, altho I am quoting and discussing with him often. Our relationship has suffered greatly.
Enjoy that beach house, warts and all. It doesn't have to be a showplace right now. Try to relax and assign chores to anyone who visits. We used to have a vacation place, and I know exactly what you are talking about. Anything I did I usually brought on myself because it wasn't my nature to speak up. I ended up many many years just being exhausted and dreading weekends.
He slept we just sat around , u can get up and go out by yourself to a movie or out for a walk to a coffee shop where u will probably meet new people . Hope u dont keep on keeping on waiting for him to see that he needs to do something . Bloom where your planted and enjoy your new beach house . louise
