The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
What are you thinking about? Lots of things like, I don't think of you as shy do you?
What? you said that once
I know how to be outgoing but sometimes I don't want to be when I am. I see, that makes sense as you seem outgoing.
you are random, deep and not fun nor is it a conversation; I think deeper conversations are fun, small talk is boring and these are conversation starters
ok but you are negative and you have changed because you bottled everything up and now you don't so it is not fun; when I am sad or struggling to manage depression (like last night), I need acknowledgement, encouragement or approval for support not disapproval which makes me feel worse. These sad times are mole hills that become mountains that we endure or we could try to change and get past in a few minutes.
I will do what you need to support you; This makes me feel like I am the bad or wrong one, I am working on changing to be more self sufficient and to support us. But if you want go see a counselor to learn a few ways you could support me, great, that would help us too.
No response; I am feeling better, internal pressure and tension is reduced just by talking this through. But I can see you are uncomfortable when we talk so it brings me no joy to feel better while you feel miserable and the converse is true that I should not be miserable so you won't be uncomfortable.
This is true. Maybe this is a sub conscious way to discontinue talking. Try to make each other defensive rather than working together on solutions. I don't think I know when you are in a good mood or not, do you think I do?
I don't know what you mean? Whether you feel good or feel sad.
I don't know.
no further discussion on this topic, AH not going to work tomorrow because not relaxed now no further discussion on anything
he's now tense I'm not tense or sad anymore I feel better about me but not about us not happy to see him tense either what a complicated riddle though it has been reduced to the simplest form his needs and my needs are different
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
dd, this is so very circular and this is so familiar to me- to keep it so circular and off-balance. Going back and forth/round and round, not using I statements consistently, etc. They love to keep the attention off of themselves and onto us...it just seems like classic alcoholic behaviors to me, hugs, J.
The thought processes of men and women are so very different. I heard once that when you ask a man "what are you thinking about?", and they say "nothing", it really is true. With an A, that probably is the best answer we can get, and we should learn to not probe and just leave it at that.
I got the "negativity" quote thrown at me so many times; from a guy who walked slumped over looking like he had a permanent dark cloud over his head. So, then I went and forced myself into positive mode, and he told me to cut it out, that he hated that happy ****. Truth is, there was no right way to be.
Thier intellect and ability to put it back on the other person, all while making it all about them, is ingenious, really. Honestly, I think most of us would need to take a class to learn how to do it. I used to be amazed when I realized where a conversation/argument went. Used to leave me speechless....and so very frustrated.
Remember, his is being tense and not going to work are his choices, all about him and not because of you. Hopefully you can just carry on with a good day like it doesn't matter.
We hear ya, ddub.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
I loved the post and the responses and it brought up a word from the past learning curve when I was going thru the same thing and that word was "enmeshment". It sounded ugly when I first heard it and reminded me of a fish caught in a net. The harder it tries to get out the more caught it becomes...I was once like that learning how to feel better about myself after those conversations and messed up because she wasn't. Some times you can be damned if you do and damned if you don't. I no longer go to hell because of it. This is a good topic in my own opinion.
