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Post Info TOPIC: coping with it all


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 92
Date:
coping with it all



I have hours and nanoseconds where I think:  I simply cannot deal with life as I now have it.  I cannot stand it.  Then something kicks in and I realize, short of being self-destructive, I have no choice but to stand it.

News like I have recently had following my surgery....sarcoma of the lung....is devastating.  Although the doctors tell you "we got it, you have clean margins", you know what you know.  It is potentially recurrs quickly. I also have another small spot in opposite lung and eventually will have the surgery for that.  Statistics say that most patients will have a survival rate of 6 months (worst case scenario and not mine) to 5 years.  Well, I say to myself, in 5 years I will be 71 years of age....already in the ballpark of an average American life span.  But it shocks you to the core to know you might very well be in trouble already...that you may not be around one more year, or two,....and the drill goes on.  I know that this requires time and acceptance and steps.  I also know I could live to 90 if that is what my HP has in mind for me.  But the anxiety is just awful.  And so the past 24-48 hours have been difficult.  Ironically, I have recovered quickly from surgery, have no symptoms, and feel basically normal???? Makes for confusion.

My spouse is still ill, and we see no end in sight for that.  He sleeps everytime he sits down in his recliner because he gets no sleep at night what with the constant up and down urination urgencies.  It is a horrible illness.  Four doctors have been unable to cure him.  You cannot imagine how this impacts our relationship.  He is too ill to care for me; I am about past the point where I can care for him.  Enter the A son:  now unemployed and desperately looking for a job, suffering depression, grieving over his life.  He is of no help to us and hasn't been for quite some time. He cannot be depended on nor will I expect it.  My ex-DIL is actually pretty kind to us most of the time.  But then she gets childcare whenever because that is what we do........hate to be cynical but there you are.  And the center of it all is the grandbaby.  I try to put him first always, turn the other cheek at all times to her and my son, and submit to the "doing the right thing".

This life is hard.  My post is just because I have to put it down somewhere and this is it.  I try hard to never burden any of my acquaintances, family, or friends with my troubles. You cannot believe the messages I get admonishing me to "stay positive"....believe me, I try.  It is extremely difficult.  I just gut it out, try to think positive, and cry when I must, which is multiple times a day. 

Thank you for being the ears I need and the support I crave.  Coping with all this is just more than I bargained for. To everyone who is healthy, protect that with all ya' got!!!! Trust me on that one.  You can cope with your A's, your dysfunctional families, etc so much better if you are healthy.  I gently encourage you who smoke to STOP!  If you are overweight, work on it. If you are a couch potato, go take a walk.  If you are surviving on junk food, make an attempt to improve your diet.  Get your annual physical. If you have a symptom that seems important, have it seen to.  Brush and floss.  Use your sunscreen.  Do your body checks for lumps, bumps, and spots.  You know the drill.  So important.  I wish I had worked harder over the years to take better care of the body I was given.  I thought I did, but obviously something went astray.  I never smoked, seldom drank alcohol, but the overweight and exercise thing....well, not so good.  I think y'all have had enough lecturing for today.  Have a wonderful weekend.


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Jen


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1242
Date:

((((((((((((((Joyoma))))))))))))

I just wanted to give you a hug and maybe a gentle reminder that we can't hang our happiness on others including their health, or even our own sometimes. We have to look inside ourselves to find the joy in our being.

It may not help, but just know that I care and you are not alone.

Love in recovery,

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~Jen~

"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 4578
Date:

What a post of acceptance and grace and love.  I appreciate you reaching out. I can imagine you feel very abandoned and alone. The fact that you do not resent your son and embrace his illness is such grace!

I have been at death's door a number of times.  I am well aware of my mortality.  I sometimes resent where I am at, poor, ill and alone myself.  I am not dealing with a mortal illness but I struggle tremendously and I feel very alone.

I am so so so sorry you are alone with the struggle you now have. I am glad that you have this room and hope that we can be a resource for you.  You have tremendous courage to face what you are facing so graciously.

Thank you for sharing. I am humbled.

Maresie.

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maresie


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2055
Date:

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Joyoma)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))),

So happy for that little bit of good news on the one lung.

yours in recovery,
Maria

__________________
If I am not for me, who will be?  If I am only for myself, then who am I?  If not now, when?


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3656
Date:

((((Joyoma)))),

Sending you all the love and prayers we can.  Just wanted to give you extra hugs.  What you are going through is incredibly hard.  I don't know that I could do it.  You are brave, strong and sweet person.  Hold tight to that grandbaby.  Love and blessings to you and your family.

Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty pray.gif


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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2287
Date:

I hope you are taking those who are offering support up on it.  Even if you don't want to open up to them fully, emotionally, there are other ways to allow them to support you that can make your life a bit easier.  Getting someone else to take your husband to his doctor appointment, say, so you can sit in the blessedly empty house with a cup of tea.

After my husband died, my sisters came over and worked in my yard for several hours.  I could have done it -it wasn't that I didn't have the physical strength for that kind of work.   But it was just so nice not to have to worry about it, to let someone else take something on for me.  Getting the lawn mowed while I just sat and read the paper was a great break.

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