The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is my first time on an Al-anon forum - I haven't been to a meeting yet. But will be in the next few days.
This is my first step towards changing my life.
A little about me...
I'm the girlfriend of an alcoholic (14yr relationship). I'm the daughter of an alcoholic and drug addict Father. I'm the sister of a drug addict. I'm the friend of addicts. etc...
My whole life, I've been around them. My relationship with my bf is the hardest on me though. We don't live together. He's a funtioning alcoholic. He goes to work, and is very responsible. He's a great guy, but a complete Jeckyl and Hyde when he drinks. It's horrible. And once he picks up a beer, he won't put them down, until he's trashed, and to top it off, he drives like that. Like I said, he's a great guy, but when he's drunk, he gets cocky, and sometimes can be mean. Emotionally and mentally, it's killing me. He's admitted his problem once or twice when I've left him, but then, when he wins me back, he decides that he can't and won't give it up. Typical story I'm sure.
I'm at a point in my life where I need help dealing with this. I need help learning how to deal with this. I need to be around people that know what I'm going through. And I'd love to make some new friends here and at the meetings.
The other night, after my bf passed out after putting me through one of his drunken episodes, something inside me snapped. And I got on the computer and started looking up where I could go to meetings, and forums I could join for Al-anon, books I could get, etc.
I will be going to a meeting in the next few days. I am hoping the meetings on the site I found are accurate, because there is no phone numbers for them. I am also going to Borders tomorrow to buy a couple books about this too - any suggestions for great beginner books would be much appreciated, as I have no idea what to get :)
I know things won't change over night. It took a long time to get this way, and it will take a long time to heal... but I have hope.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. Sorry for it being so long.
As I read your post I cannot help but wonder, "Do you really WANT to deal with this?" Can you feel how refreshing it would be to have someone who is NOT addicted to anything?
Those questions being asked, it is good to hear you say you are going to begin attending AlAnon meetings. If you choice is to stay with this man, AlAnon can teach you how to keep body, soul, and mind together while doing so. Come back here to MIP often. We all understand, and we all care about you.
With concern,
Diva
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Well done taking the first step towards your own recovery. That meeting you're going to in the next few days will have a newcomer packet (free) and also books for sale. I personally like the idea of getting one of the daily readers as a "first book" - just a bit of alanon each day. The effect is cumulative, and these readers are also indexed by topic (took me six months to discover this) so you can just flip through the index and read a page or two on how you're feeling. My personal favourite reader is "Courage to Change", but I have favourite readings in the other 2 ("One Day at a Time", familiarly called "ODAT", and "Hope for Today") as well.
(((HUGS-Cherish))) As you probably already know from reading earlier posts no one here will be telling you what you should and should not do. We are here to give you experience, strength, and hope. (ESH). It is great that you already see the need to get to f2f meetings, and read lots of Al-Anon litature. When we start applying the tools of Al-Anon in our daily lives, we handle situations differently than we would have prior to coming to Al-Anon. Sometimes the A's in our lives see the changes in us and how we react or do not react using our "new tools". Sometimes this can even cause them to seek help, but whether they seek out help or not, our focus is always on us and our recovery. We always have to remember we are dealing with a disease, one that will continue to progress unless the A makes a decision to get help, and only he can make that decision. Cherish, you will learn in Al-Anon you have lots choices, that everything is not black and white, you will as we say, have to "un-learn" old habits that you have thought all your life were correct. I tell members of my local Group the only thing I did correct in dealing with my problem was walking through the doors of Al-Anon that first time. It changed my live. Welcome again, and (((BIG HUGS))) RLC
As TTM says, the daily readers ar wonderful and perfect for the newcomer. A subscription to Al-Anons Forum magazine is a good idea too. You should be able to pick up lots of pamphlets at your meeting. They are a good place to start. You can get a copy of the order form for CAL (Conference Approved Liturature) at the meeting also, or like we do at our meeting, just order CAL with the group order to save on shipping.
I'm so glad you found us.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Thank you all so much for the warm welcome - I am very excited to be going down this path that will change my life.
I'm sure none of us would want what I've got in my life. But I realy want to gain tools and knowlege and strength first, that way, I can make sure I can say that I tried the best I can if I do choose to walk away...
Should I seek out a "beginner meeting" for my first one, or does it matter? - and do you know if all the meetings current on this site: http://www.ca-inlandempire-alanon.org/meetings/cities/rancho.htm ? There's no numbers?
Anyhow, thank you all again. I can't wait to get my hands on some reading material, thank you for the suggestions. It is all much appreciated!
(((Cherish))) You said in your Bio that you had hope, well now you have support also. Go for it!! Remember there is nothing selfish anymore with the saying "It's All About Me". Always take care of "you" first. (((HUGS))) RLC
HI,Im new here and I need some advice. Im in love with this guy and have been since yr 2002.At first everything was great and then after a yr he introduced me to crack and I was hooked for three yrs straight.Then I ended up getting a welfare theft charge cause he had a warrant out for his arrest and I did not know it.Of course he was on my welfare case but I got charged cause I was receiving a check for him and our son.Then there was the nights out coming home high and drunk.Then in 2005 he ask me to deposit checks and cash large amounts of checks into my bank account and because I was so high most of the time and in so-called love I did it for him.anyway, we ended up moving out of state after that to where his daughter lives and three months after being there I get a letter from disiability office that they are stopping all my benefits cause I have warrants out for my arrest back in the state we moved from.I got charged with forgery 2nd degree cause of those checks.I ended up leaving him but then cause he swore to me things were different I took him back. Now he wasnt drinking or using drugs for months but just a month ago he started back up.Ive been in recovery for 10 months now going on 11 and I told him how I felt but he would not listen,so we got into an argument in front of my two children.I ended up calling the cops cause im on prob. still and I did not want to get into trouble.The cops talked to us and the matter was solved.But when my prob.found out he made me put my sons father out.I know he done it to protect me from getting into anymore trouble but is this the right thing to do cause my children are so upset cause daddy is not here? My sons father says that my prob. had no legal rights to make him leave.But by him drinking and drugging dfs would end up taking my kids.I need a friend and someone who cares.
