The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
One of my dogs is ill. She has a bad rash. She's had the rash on and off for years. So this week I have to go all out to help with the rash, get creams, bathe her, wash everything.
She's had the rash on and off for years. I've had to give up trying to find what the cause is. I don't know.
The rash gets better and it gets worse.
My telephone is broken and it seems like I will not be able to get it repaired till the weekend. I feel like my weekends are all chores and no play, no fun, no space for me.
Everything is creeping on top of me. I want to make this small issue and the other issues into a huge catastophe. I want to be a martyr and a victim because I know how to do that. I want to feel sorry for myself (I know how to do that).
The truth is its just everyday life. I have to handle things and I can have a better attitude. Its not the dogs fault she has a rash and its not my fault that I have to deal with it but I do need to deal with it.
The A used to deal with things like broken cell phones. There was a tremendous cost to that relationship both emotionally and financially that became impossible to bear. I am no longer willing to bear that burden.
I don't like being alone. I don't like not being a victim its not familiar. I don't know how to be human with a good attitude and not bask in sorrow for my poor life. The truth is things are much better for me but I'm certainly challenged some days more than others.
So I'm resisting making it into a catastrophe. I'm resisting making a mountain out of a molehill but I have no idea how to go go about my business without thinking poor me.
It's always amazing to me how much we have in common! It sounds like you are improving, even though it still feels overwhelming. It takes practise & for me, it felt like I was making absolutely no progress for the longest time. I too was having similar thoughts like, 'I know this is normal, regualr life' but some of the daily things get to me. I used to run around being a super-human doing so much more than I could handle, I just did it out of stress & necessity. The last two years, I swung the pendelum in the most opposite, I've been so irresponsible. I ran out of money & could no longer pay my cc bills. So now (nautrally) I am being sued by one of the compaines. I have NO money. And courtrooms & legal offices really scare me. I am trying to not worry about it. I will do the best I can. I can show up, apologize, be accountable. They may not like the fact I'm not going to be able to pay much (I guess we'll work some pymt plan out - I really have no idea what will occur, I'm pretty clueless about legal matters). I found out they can't take me to jail & that was my only initial concern. Here I am, imagining debtor's prison!
I guess my credit will be ruined & will be blackened for a long time. I can deal with that or I decided I could accept it consciously, lucky for me, it's reality.
Not obsessing about things is something I have only been able to acheive in the last 2 months or so. I am not sure what happened, b/c even though I may have been lazy or not physically dealing with things, I was still obsessing & getting very mentally sick over them.
I am feeling better since I started to work out again, even though I am not doing very much, for me to take out the trash & not let it pile up is a big improvement compared to last year. I have to get excited about the little accomplishments b/c I so want to call myself crap & hopeless & all that negative self-talk does to me is extinguish any motivation or drive I may have. I have to stay in this moment.
I am a professional procrastinator. Thinking about all I used to do can be depressing too, so I just can't do it, I have to accept what I am capable of right now & stay there. Tomorrow, I'll be able to do a little more.
I'm sorry your doggie has a skin condition, I know it can be stressful when one of your animals is having a medical condition. That is another area of life, I always feel like I should be able to effect more but we're only human. I had stress related excema for many years, so I know how frustrating & painful a skin condition can be.
Let me encourage you to do something nice for yourself, even if it is small. I think we all need to do that more, esp on the weekend b/c we are 'supposed' to rest & recover for the week ahead. Even just a hot bath can be relxing & feel like a reward.
When I was depressed, I wouldn't do anything nice for myself at all, I was continuing to punish myself, misery loves company & man, I did feed my misery! I don't receommend it! It is awful & a hard habit to break, we deserve so much more!
love, -k
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
so I guess it would be easy for you to jump into the arms of that new A you know. Im just teasing you. Maresie, its ok to want a partner in your life, I know I relied on my husband for those things too, he was always the fix it man, until his disease took him over and I didnt recognize who he had become. I think its a great thing to know yourself and what you want in your life. Nothing wrong with that. Its ok to be vulnerable. Its okay to want that one great relationship before we leave this planet. How about you put an order into your HP and tell it exactly what you want in a partner, invision your life the way you want it to be, abundant spiritually, financially, marriage too if thats what you want, put it all on your list. Put it out in the Universe, verbalize it. You must believe that only good things are going to happen now. Luv, Bettina
The issue with my codependency is that I can make mr. wrong into mr. right. I can spin a wonderful picture on them. In fact when I was typing up my description of the current mr. wrong my codependent self was saying I was being too hard. I am not, in fact I'm conveying a nice picture.
So I think i'm going to pass on asking HP for that.
I don't like being alone but I also know I need to be for now. Maresie.
I still have those days.....I find myself at times reminding myself "IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD...THE END OF WORLD IS THE END OF THE WORLD" ....It's harder some days than others......I worked at a treatment center some years ago and I was chatting with one of the counselors there, I said "I just want my life to be settled, content...ya know?" he looked at me and said "What if that's not how your life is supposed to be?" WOW I had never thought of it...he said I should EMBRACE the chaos...it was hard at first but I learned that I could embrace and realize how minimal some things were, and when it seemed overwhelming I allowed myself to feel that way too....Hang in there...you sound as though your doing GREAT....remember to be gentle with yourself. Hugs
maresie, OK, forget Mr. Right if you want. But the other things Bettina said were right on and it works.
invision your life the way you want it to be, abundant spiritually, financially, marriage too if thats what you want, put it all on your list. Put it out in the Universe, verbalize it. You must believe that only good things are going to happen now.
Maybe make a "vision board" with things that you dream of. A home, car, beachfront cottage, friends laughing, vacation spots? Look at it daily and KNOW that it's coming. You'd be real surprised what positive thinking will bring. When you find yourself on the pity pot, consciously acknowledge it and replace it with a good thought, breaking the old pattern. It sure can't do any damage to give it a go.
Happy thoughts! Christy
-- Edited by Christy at 01:42, 2008-07-17
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Aloha Maresie...what I use when I'm in your shoes is gratitude. I get to feel better about myself and my life because now I add the positive in it. I know the solutions to some of my disease...acting it out like you have been doing helps make the piles smaller.
I know one of the reasons I do catastrophize is to motivate myself. I have very little "space" at the moment emotionally to move with the flow. Some of wha tI want to do is to move to that.
I also want to have interests/hobbies that nuture me. I'm not sure how I will get there but someday I will be beyond this survival stuff.
I have to give up looking for someone to help me and just knucke down and do it.
ya know years ago when I kept saying I didn't have time to do things....I taught myself to crochet.....yarn, needle, and a $5 book, I have time to do that when I am sitting watching t.v. You will find something that fits into your daily routine if you look hard enough....keep looking....Hugs
"I have to give up looking for someone to help me and just knucke down and do it." - Maresie
I am right there with you dear, it is scary, I wish I didn't have to do certain things but each day I am getting less resistent, doing little things for myself & my confidence is coming back. I used to feel very helpless, incapable & pathetic/pitiful but now that is all subsiding. I am not quite the go-getter I once was but I think it will come back eventually ~ I can see the way I once was, so just seeing something positive instead of focusing on the negative has enabled me to start turning things around.
I hope you find that it will begin to get easier for you too.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Oh I can be the go getter for others but not for me on a consistent basis. Last year I found the A a place to live, helped him pay for it, fed him, clothed him, took care of him. I took on whatever obstacles that were there and went with it for a long time.
The issue is doing it for myself. I totally resist doing for others now what they can do for themselves. I think I am in people pleaser withdrawal personally. I do think there is a withdrawal from being an absolutely compulsive people pleaser and doer for others.
