The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Honey, I'm home! As some of you may already know, my A hubby works offshore and is home for 7 and at work for 7. The light at the end of the tunnel for me for the last 10 years has been that his 7 days home won't be long and he'll be gone soon. In the beginning, I would look forward to his returning home. Soon after, I recognized his pattern and started looking forward to his 4th day home. (the 1st 3 days were drinking and drama - the last 4 days were him feeling sorry for himself and trying to make up for the 1st 3 days). NOW.....all the days are the same, even when he is gone and I just look forward to when I feel good. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am tired of swimming up this river with him tied to my ankles. Right now, my light at the end of the tunnel is a field of daisies and me running through it, ALONE. I just don't know when I will make the break.
I have learned alot here in my 1st two weeks. It is making me stronger and helping me to focus on myself. Thanks for your support.
Well I am someone who's been alone now for about 6 months. I left the A more than a year ago. The last 6 months I have had little if any contact with him. I'd certainly say life is different but I would n't say it is all roses. In some ways I am even more aware of my issues without his dramarama.
The other day he called me on the phone and was pretty nasty. For about one hour I could relish that I don't have to deal with him anymore (I don't answer the phone or return his calls). Then I'm right back to dealing with what I have to deal with.
I certainly know what it is to be fed up to the backbone with an A who is acting out right left and center. I think leaving is an option. The issue for me is when I left (putting aside the financial and emotional trauma of it) I have come to see that it was my codependence that got me hooked up with an A in the first place. My codependence didn't evaporate with him.
I'm glad this group has been helpful to you. I know its really helpful to me with or without an A.
I vote you run towards the daisies... If you can financially do it but even more important is take a close look at yourself. Happiness is something we strive for. It will not just happen....
I would suggest from my experience that with all that time you have while he is away that you forgo the daisies with the exception that there be some Al-Anon meetings in the middle of the field. That way you can have some good from both worlds. All you have to deal with is not the alcoholic alone. I found I had more than the alcoholic in my list of baggage to look at after we were separated and then divorced. My problem is me. After she was gone and we were parted I no longer had her to focus my blame on.
Thanks y'all for your post. I am using the tools I have learned here and repeating the slogans to myself. It has helped. I am taking care of me, I not just watching the days pass by, I am "alive" and learning to love myself again. Its taking time to work through my issues, but I am finding that the things that get me worked up (the ones I can not control), don't get to me as long as they used to.
