The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was looking over the other posts as I was debating (and have been for several months) whether to even join as a member, let alone post anything. I definitely found that I share all to well similar feelings. I come from a home where my mother was addicted to pain killers my entire life (still is)...an ex-husband who was an addict (left after 7 months), a serious boyfriend (who was an even more obvious addict), and now a husband who was supposed to be different (at least appeared to be), who is also an alcoholic, and the kicker, I'm only 27. I tired of addicts...I feel like their everywhere....but, I want to rescue them all...
I wasn't able to sleep well all night...constant nightmares that my husband (an alcoholic) would leave me. The difficult part of his drinking (besides knowing I have no control over it) is the denial. It is difficult to even describe (I am not even sure I am supposed to do this) what it feels like to feel you are the only one concerned about their behavior. He would be considered a functional alcoholic (if this even exists). He has never been on the street, abusive, unfaithful, or unloving. However, I know his drinking is a problem. I just wanted to share because I feel so unheard and fearful that he will leave (or worse I would have to get the courage to tell him to get help or I'm out).
Thanks for listening that's all I have for now....
Glad you have decided to post and hope that you continue to do so. As you stated, many of us know exactly how you feel and have been there too.
Al-anon can help you if you are willing to give it a try.
We having meetings online here twice a day, click on the "Al-Anon Group Meeting/Chat Room" link in the yellow box at the top left of the page, I would encourage you to stop in and listen as well as to try to find a face to face meeting to attend.
Again, welcome to Miracles in Progress, and please keep coming back.
Yes, you are definitely "supposed to do this" - many of us arrive here having spent years denying and stuffing our own feelings, so the process of saying how we feel is definitely part of our recovery.
You have started yours too - by taking that step of registering, and posting, you are reaching out for help, and it turns out asking for help is one of the most powerful recovery tools there is.
I encourage you to check out Alanon meetings in your area, where you can pick up a free newcomer packet, and not incidentally make personal contact with people who understand because they've been there too. If f2f (face to face) is too much right now, that's fine; there are meetings here and elsewhere online as well. You'll do f2f when you're ready.
Do keep coming back and sharing - it really does work when we work it.
Welcome...glad you found us. This is a great group of people and a good place to let go and know you are no longer alone. In Alanon we find a fellowship of people who do understand our feelings....most of us have felt the same way you do. In Alanon we learn about the 3C's .... we didn't cause it....we can't cure it...and we can't control it. I know for me trying to control/fix things helped make me a lil crazy. Alanon is for you...it is to help you find serenity and happiness in your life. To help you heal from all you have dealt with. Welcome to your journey of recovery...glad you are here. I too would suggest finding face to face meetings in your area. I know how much it has helped me. I post here...go to the online meetings when I can and go to my face to face meeting on Fridays. I do these things for me becasue I am worth taking care of...and so are you.
Hope you will keep coming back...glad you are here.
Some of us gravitate towards the familiar. The unfamiliar is a different story. Many of us also find ourselve in Karpmans that is a drama triangle of rescuing, resenting, respite and feeling victimized. That is pretty compulsive stuff.
Denial is a tremendously hard issue to deal with. I'm finding my own denial to be a special spectrum all of its own. Recovery is indeed hard work but its worth it. I'm looking forward to the future rather than dreading it. I'm seeing things daily that I was just immune to before. Welcome I hope you choose to stick around for a while. This is a great place to explore issues.
I just wanted to say thank you for your kind words. It's an amazing feeling to know you aren't alone. I plan to definitely join the group discussions....
My husband is also an alcoholic (AH). I just got over the denial part mostly b/c he wouldnt acknowledge he had a problem, was totally functioning at work and at home , and wouldnt admit that he had a problem. With the help of family and friends who have seen him drink, they admitted to me that they thought also that he had a major drinking problem which helped me pull my head out of the sand. I knew he did already, but I questioned myself anyway. I know how you feel. We fight a lot about his drinking. I'm afraid a lot that I will have to leave with our daughter b/c of the effect its having. I'm afraid I will lose him forever to this nasty disease called alcoholism. You have friends here and you are not alone. Post on the message board and you will get lots of info and support and you will feel the caring and compassion of others. Also come to the meetings..........they are at 9 am and 9 pm daily. They help and are really good. Also try to find a F2f meeting nearby if you can. They can be a little intimidating but try to go. Hope this helps. Hugs, Jackie
