The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am new here, I have read several of the topics lateley, but never posted anything. My husband is an alcoholic and it is eating me alive he has said that he will cut back, but I know he can't. The past month he has been trying to cut back, but I also know he is doing it behind my back, he works 3rd shift, so he will start drinking when I leave for work and then he is in bed when I get home, but I can smell it on him when he wakes up. I have been to a couple of meetings and I am trying to let him do his own thing, and stay focused on myself, but it is still hard. He gets mad when I don't want to do things, like go out or go to someones house, but I am sick of watching him get drunk and if we do anything, it involves him drinking. I have pushed his parents away because they are drinkers and he's mad about that. He just doesn't understand and neither do they. They don't know why I don't come around anymore and it's making me look like the bad guy. I know people in alanon understand, but he is very close to his family and they don't understand, so I feel like I am in a battle me against his family. His family is taking us to Florida in August and I don't want to go because all they do is drink the whole time and he doesn't understand why I don't want to go. He looks at it as a great gift from them and I look like the bitch, because I don't want to go, but his parents don't know I don't want to go. I think I have babbled on long enough and I guess I am just wanting some advice on this whole situation.
Al-Anon is about changing ourselves..toward becoming the people we want to be and about loving ourselves properly. When we attempt to change two things happen immediately; one is that we find out we don't know the how or the what to about changing (that is where we need the others in program that came before us and have all the experience). The second is that the ones that we have been "participating" with don't know how to act and get emotional about it...like EMOTIONAL!!. That is what you can expect and also you can go ahead and make the changes you need to make because your life, sanity and true happiness depend on it. You don't need their approval, applause, or permission to seek help and one of the marvelous things I learned in the the rooms of Al-Anon is..."NO"...is a complete sentence. "NO" is the enablers shortest two letter sentence. Awesome, humble lesson. Go somewhere quiet and practice saying "No". I did because I had to get over my fear of saying it. I learned that it was more powerful and convincing if I said it quietly and let my body language say it at the same time rather than loud and forcefully. Its okay if they go without you...you'll be fine. You have things that you also want to do.
Good luck and keep coming back cause this works if your work it.
