The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
March was when I last posted, i went back and read all my posts, I haven't written, but I read here EVERYDAY! All you guys have really helped me alot. soooooooo many things have been going on in my life. Somethings that I'm not ready to talk about with anyone. Somedays I feel like I have made no progress, but I know that I have!! I don't attend ftf because of the gas prices, working two jobs to keep my head above water, behind in mortage payments. But i have a strong will to get better, and faith that things will working out for the best for ME. I was reading martina57 post and it really hit me that I am like her too, and that I have allowed my decesion to buy his beer and liquor, to make me feel like I was enabling him even though I had learned so much from reading, on this site and going to a few ftf meetings last year. I was feeling bad about myself, that I wasn't doing things right. But, I also know that I am sooooo much better than I was before. I felt like I was at the end of my rope, suicidal thoughts, I was sick!!! NOW, with all the tools I have learned, I am doing better, I feel better about MYSELF. And now I know because I can't go to meetings until my financial situation gets better, that I need to start posting here more often. Kitty, Bettina your reply post really was what made me post today. it's like your words were meant for ME!! Thanks so much. My a/bf has had his surgery, and him and his son are recoperating in his home town. They have been gone for about a month, says he will be back here in a about a week? if I still want them here? I said yes, I wanted them here. But, I told him I have no exceptations, if he comes back or not, I will be FINE! It has been so hard, the circunstances of it all, I don't think any one would believe me. But I do know that I, ME will be ok! I don't feel the need anymore to know everything he is doing or thinking. I am trying to live one day at a time, for ME. Knowing that all this has happened for a reason. Again thanks. You guys are all in my thoughts and prayers!
