Bettina said it very well, recovery brings new issues. Sometimes we think that the drinking days were easier, at least they were subdued by the alcohol. My alcoholic boss became down right mean after he got out of recovery and it seemed like I was his main target since I was a part of the intervention that got him to go to the treatment center. It took working my program, detaching with love and lots of meetings to get to the place where he quit blaming me. I even changed jobs in the end and stayed in touch with him as a friend, and today we are on good terms and I think he is even greatful for the part I played in his recovery, although it took years to get here, it doesn't happen overnight. It took years for them to get the way the are and it takes time to change behaviors. Hang in there and go to your f2f meetings, get involved with service work if you can, make a life of your own so you don't feel so dependent on the A for your emotional needs. The program works if you work it, you just have to work it, your worth it!

java

"I'm at the end of it and don't know how to not go crazy." -buick23

That sounds positive to me, it indicates you are "Sick & tired of being sick and tired."  It is a saying we use here. So if you are indeed ready to make changes, I will tell you the simplest most eloquent thing (& you heard it last night but), it truly is the secret to our success...  Focus On Yourself, girl!   That is it.

It is harder than it sounds b/c you have to calm down, stop projecting (imagining the worst about the future, imagining anything about how someone else is feeling). Emotions are all new for a recovering A and men aren't naturally as able to flip from left & right brain work as women are ~ women can actually jump back & forth, multi-task, doing abstract (emotional) work & then do left brain tasks (congnition, rational thinking)... this means we are able to explain our feelings with words, where this is naturally much more difficult for men.
     This is not an excuse and it is purely a scientific fact (ask any neuroscientist & they will say it is truth). I am not saying this as an excuse but as a way for us to understand all men better in general.

Focusing on yourself means you do not try to imagine or know what someone else is feeling.  I still occassionally do this & I find I am ALWAYS wrong.  I think someone dislikes me & I am incorrect. I think ppl simply don't express themselves very well. 

Today I wrote to a person I thought didn't like me b/c we had an argument & I don't know him well but he said he does like me & is interested in me.  I think he's really good looking, so maybe I was sabotaging myself. He never wrote me back but I never wrote him back. Men forget & get busy with their lives. 
   I've never known a man to wait hungrily for me, they always eat, taking care of their needs.  I have sat around waiting for a guy to come over, starving b/c we were going to have dinner but he got hungry & ate a late lunch.  I had to realize other ppl will take care of their needs & I should too.
  When I first started to do this, I was so scared & lost, I felt like I didn't know
what 
any of my needs  even were!  I was so used to basing my decisions on what other ppl were going to do & how I could mesh with them.

My mother always told me, men like women that are doing things with their lives.  A hunter is attracted to what is moving or there's no chase. It is hard for me to think & want to play these simple male-female games but they are innate in us, it is nature - I didn't make it up!

When people are ready to tell you how they feel, they will.  I like to say my piece to someone & if they don't have a response or a negative response, I'll say, 'just think about it (consider it) and get back to me'  that way there is no fight & no demand for an answer or fiz that moment.  It gives them time & space to consider what I am saying, so they can respond maturely.
   Emotional intelligence takes work & understanding.  I know if an issue is important to me, I usually think about what I'll say before I say it.  giving them time/space to be able to respond to me, gives the other person the same respect & consideration I expect.

Another thing on Focusing on Self you can do, is to think about boundaries & establish some.  I used to get very upset about things I really didn't care about, it was just a habit of reacting in a certain way.  No one wants to deal with someone who is uptight, ready to explode all the time.  We all want, peace, love, understanding, compassion, empathy but If I am not grounded & calm - why would I expect others to treat me that way. 
   I have to act in the way in which I want to be treated.  If someone blows up at me, I do what Parenting magazines say (acknolwedge their feelings & model how I wish to be treated), so I may say, I have something sensitive or touchy to express, can you listen & not be reactive...  maybe it is not a good time for them to listen. It just depends on the person you are communicating with.

You've been together for a couple of years & he's only been clean a few short weeks. A lot of ppl have been drinking since high school, so that is a lot of years of bad behaviour to rectify.  Everything is new, he's going to be recalling past experiences, feelings.  They don't remember that stuff when they are drinking/drugging;  and theye no idea how their behavior affects us. 

I know my step-father thinks he is absolutely perfect & can do anything when drunk, well of course this is untrue.

I can tell you, no one deserves to be mis-treated or abused or neglected. Of course you are worth it, I am sure your child would say so!  My mother to me was god-like but she is only a human being.  But little kids think their parents are god-like creatures that can do anything. Granted my mom used to have more fire & passion, I think living w/ her AH has taken a toll on her & maybe she has lost some of her own self-respect.
   This too, comes from having boundaries, say when someone is disrespecting you, nip it in the bud, tell them so. If they are not able to hear that (or maybe they're under the influence) I create a physical boundary by walking away, leaving the room or leaving the house.

A bitter pill to swallow is that relationships are a two way street and we allow ppl to treat us in a certain way.  that all comes from negotiating the relationship.
   At least in your case, your newly sober b/f suggested that you come to al-anon (my ex never wanted me to get help) so you don't have to hide it, like many ppl do.  You can freely say, this is new for us both, we're both getting help and going through changes.  Each day, you will have new opportunities for growth & change.  Since it is new behaviour, you undoubtedly will both make mistakes and that is okay.

It takes willingness, surrenderring ego to make a relationship work. I believe you can do it!  Even if you decide to break off your relationship, these are still tools that apply to any realtionship, so this information is all invaluable.

Relationships are all negotiations of power, all of them are.  We have to take turns giving & taking to get our needs met.

Do things that are good for you, focus on yourself & your child.  I used to get very hung up on what ppl were saying, I am very literal and this is the way I am but I have to realize other ppl may not be so clear & incisive about themselves.  Just b/c I know myself well, they may not be able to explain what they want, need or feel.

We get angry b/c we are hurt. Give it some time and yourself some time. Go to amtg & pick up all the free literature you can - read the pamphlets A Guide for the Family of the Alcoholic and A Merry Go Round Called Denial. Both are invaluable to me, they show how the A uses us to satisfyl his needs & the roles we play in the situation.  After a few readings, I was able to change my behaviour & not react to the A. When I act completely differently, it gives the opportunity for other's to act differently too.  (If you can't get to a meeting, I'll mail you these pamphlets, just private msg me about it, if u want - it's no problem).

Stopping the obsession of another person and allowing us to become our new obsession/focus/interest gives other people the freedom to act naturally and not feel they are under a microscope.  Anyway, I find when I don't act too interested in men, I come off like I am not desperate or very interested, just a nice caring person that has a very interesting life.  that make sother ppl want to get involved with me, to come to me.
   I know this sounds weird b/c you are involved & you love him but like you said, he is completely different, he is withdrawn. He is probably very scared & may even be ashamed & feeling guilty for past things.  That is natural. It is hard to own up & take responsibility and be accountable for mistakes we have made in the past. We can't change that but we can work to make the future we want. I know you are hurt, frustrated, scared and angry - that is natural.

Take care of you!!! you are worth it and you are not alone, there is a whole worls wide community of people willing to help you get some peace of mind & serenity to get to a happier life.  My life is far from perfect but simply learning to focus on me, working out, doing things I enjoy, is all giving me more confidence in making what I want to acheive come true. 

No one is a prisoner, I felt that way, like a victim, until I started to make changes & set boundaries. I am being true tomyself & that is all that matters, ultimately is my integrity...  it is something no one can ever take from me, no matter how I'm feeling or what happens, I can say I did my best.  If it ends up falling apart, I know I tired & exhausted every reasonable course of action. 
    The most important thing, is you & your daughter. Be safe & gentle with my new friend ~ remember you are worth it.

save yourself!  Much love, hope & strength to you, love, -k