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Has anyone else had to deal with an AH wetting the bed when he drinks too much beer? My AH usually drinks at least 12 beers a day on the weekdays after work and 18 to 24 beers from Friday to Sunday. Almost every Friday or Saturday night he wets the bed. He used to only wet the bed on occasion (once or twice a year). But, now it seems he wets the bed every time he drinks 18 or more beers.
He is now mad at me, because I got some diapers for men from my mom (since, my dad had to use them due to his cancer, but no longer needs them.). Since, he won't quit drinking, I told him to at least wear the diapers if he drinks more than 12 beers.
Am I doing something wrong in suggesting this. Should I not shared this problem with my mom.
OoOo Friend! I now know that WE ALL have shared the same things in our lives. It has been a long long time since my A had done that, but just recently, on 2 occasions that I know of he has. (when he is drinking, i have a competely other side of the house that I stay in, i don't give him any kind of satisfaction to think that i would want to lay with him) His drinking has been alot worse than it has in years. Sharing this with your mom? Don't sweat it. I believe that in taking care of me, I can not have any remorse over a decision that I previously made, especailly if I can't take it back or change it. But if that decision I made gives me remorse, then I know better to not let history repeat itself. Its got to be embarrsing for a grown man to have wet himself. They just don't have a clue how this is one case when the grass is definately greener on the other side if they would just choose to give up the booze.
You can also get something called Chux from medical supply places. They are like a diapers, but you can lay them under someone. http://www.dhmedical.com/chweepa.html
But maybe he could have his own bed that he can pee in and take care of himself?
I don't think it was wrong to talk to your mom about it.
You are not alone here. By bf wet the bed several times when he used to drink and it would upset me. I was stuck cleaning up. He was very embarrassed and he didn't blame it on the drinking. After he noticed in the middle of the night he would just go sleep on the couch. He thought something else was wrong with him. It would help to make him sleep somewhere else. It sux waking up in the middle of the night with a wet back. It's very upsetting.
Not sure about whether or not you were "wrong" in suggesting it, but why not try another approach.... have HIM deal with the bed wetting, and the subsequent clean up of sheets, etc....
If it were me, I'd sleep in a different bed, and hopefully make him deal with the consequences of his behavior....
Wow.. think of the statement "he seems to wet the bed when he drinks 18 beers"...... Sheesh, I think we all would..... Sorry you're having to go through this, but hopefully you can allow this to be HIS problem, rather than trying to resolve it for him....
Take care Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
If you have decided to live with this, get a good, thick plastic mattress cover, and simply launder the sheets when it happens. I do not have this problem with my A, but I know it must be maddening. Trying to talk to him about it is futile, and expecting him to use diapers is insulting to him. Make this easy on YOU!!
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I personally have not had this specific problem. However, I have adopted the saying "you make the mess, you clean the mess up".
Whether or not you made the right decision in talking to your mom about it or suggesting he use diapers is a mute point at this stage in the game. It has already happened and there is nothing that can be done about it. Unfortunately our lives don't have a delete key like our computer's do.
I agree with the above, get a sturdy plastic mattress cover and he is responsible for washing the bed linens.
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
thank god I never had to deal with the problem , probably the only one I didn't have to deal with (- the smell of stale beer took me to another bedroom durring the drinking days ) if i did the solution I would take would be to move to another bedroom , pronto . somethings are truly unexceptable . If he continues to do this leave the laundry for him . or let him sleep in it . his choice . I hope that u are willing to try al anon for yourself u need support from people who have been where yur at and i have found that telling family what is going on is a big mistake and should your husb seek sobriety in the future he will be mortified that the family knows what has been going on . In al anon you will find someone to share this with and it is safe it will stay there , and hurt no one . good luck Louise
We have many slogans & acronyms to help us get through our difficulties here, one is: Say what you mean and don't say it meanly.
I don't personally think that talking about things, objectively, matter of factly, say in a purely clinical way - that there is anything wrong with that. You asked your mom for help, as long as you weren't trying to humilate him on purpose, there's nothing wrong in that, don't feel guilty, it's a simple health issue. look, no one like going to the doctor or aging but these are simple facts we all have to face.
It is at the very least unsanitary. It may be embarrassing for him but honestly, who would want to sleep in that? They don't even want to be there in that, come on!
love a friend in recovery, -kitty
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I've only experienced this with my AH a couple of times in the almost 13 years we spent together, which surprises me. He was absolutely mortified......but that didn't stop him from drinking. Nope, it did not!
I think Diva shared the type of solution that would be easiest for me.
But, AH and I are separated now, waiting for a dissolution to go thru, so I guess I don't have to worry about it anymore.
So sorry you are having to deal with this. This has happened once or twice for me my solution to the problem is separate beds. When I know he's had too much, I choose not to sleep in the same bed with him.
I would suggest getting a mattress cover to protect the mattress. I would also tell him that you refuse to clean it up. When they have to become responsible for cleaning up after themselves they tend not to repeat the same behavior. Not too pleasant having to sleep in the soiled bed.
Take care of yourself.
Love,
Claudia
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
