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Hi everyone... just an update... My AH has started taking Seroquel for his Bipolar about 7 days now. He promised that he would stop drinking and drugging, and take his meds and stop the partying.
He did not come home until 11:30pm lastnite. Please keep in mind, that he is disabled, and doesn't have a job. I told him, if he was serious about recovery, then he would stay away from any kind of partying, and especially since he is now on the drug Seroquel, he can't drink and take meds, just won't work.
Well, he went out partying last nite and knocked on my door (I took his set of keys away a month ago to establish boundaries). He had been drinking, and full of excuses as to why he didn't come home on time. I come home straight from work everyday, and if he wants to come home with me, then he is supposed to pick me up from work...
I refuse to open the door last night, and I actually phoned the police and EMT to come escort him to a psych hospital, but I would not open my door. He has to understand that I will not allow him to drive me insane anymore. Either he takes his meds and complies with not drinking or druggin, or he stays out in the streets... I am very clear that it is unacceptable in my house... He wants me to put his name on the lease, which I refuse until he manages to stay clean for at least 6 months. I went to bed and slept very well, no tears, no anxiety... I woke up feeling even better. I HAVE ESTABLISHED MY BOUNDARIES! If he doesn't take his meds and chooses to abuse drugs/alcohol, then that is HIS PROBLEM, and a very dangerous one at that. Mixing alcohol/drugs/meds is very dangerous!
Thank you for supporting me and helping me !!! I'm almost there....
FYI... If you're wondering, he did in fact run away before the police/ambulance came... he hates the psych hospital, but at least he knows I'm not playing HIS game anymore... I'm not enabling him anymore....
I feel AWESOME today! and i know i did the right thing!
Well I've definitely done the slam down hard on the boundary note. I don't know that I can do that anymore. The energy involved is so huge.
I try to do the low key approach now, pleasant but not that involved. That seems less effort. Effort is something I have to titrate. Its all bells and whistles with an alcoholic. The chaos is overwhelming day in day out. I simply can't sort it all out anymore.
The slam down hard stuff can only last so long for me. The energy involved in setting the line, reinforcing it and more is hard.
Being over invovled is my middle name. I work on being over involved with me rather than over involved with the whole world.
I always do well with the setting bonderies... For me it seems to be maintaining them. After the high is gone the thoughts start to come back... Is he safe, did I do the right thing, what if, ... Day one I'm usually good, by day 3 I can focus on nothing else but the A and my choices...
Here is a wish for you that you hold strong and you are able focus on yourself and your needs...
Yeah, I used to go through that, (feeling guilty after kicking him out), but it's getting better, not bothering me anymore. I feel in control.
I don't feel drained like I used to either. When he is in my face and we argue and fight, I am so drained, having migraines and body aches... it just sucked the life right out of me... it was easy not opening that door last night. I was tough, and FIRM.... !!!
yay for feeling empowered! the feeling hasn't changed today!
(((JAYSBABY))) Good for you. I am proud of you,and just how far you have come in a very short time. I have answered some of your previous post, and just looked back at your first post to MIP. This is how your post starts on June 19th,only 20 days ago. ------Hello All....Please Help Me.....This is my last resourse before I admit myself into the hospital for having a breakdown!!! Quiet a distance (((jaysbaby))) has traveled in those 20 days. YOU can, and should be proud of YOU. Keep working the program, get to f2f meetings, keep coming back here. You are what I refer to as a success story. You are "AWESOME", and have 100% support from this corner. RLC
I have found a little family here... he has been calling me at my job all day yesterday and today, and I simply hang up... realizing there is no point in arguing with him... if he doesn't understand his own disease, then it would be pointless for me to engage in any kind of conversation with him, which only leads to arguing anyway...
he's running around telling his family that he is clean... they don't live with him everyday, but they believe his stories, especially his enabling mother... it burns me up, but i have no control over their thoughts, so let them think whatever.. i know the truth.. i will not tolerate it in my house, and i will continue to stand my ground...
The A who I was with was either calling me or ignoring me. I hate to think what it was like to live with that. I admire your tenacity and your sense of entitlement. I had none.
I also had not that much detachment from his family and friends. I do now but it took me a long long while to get there. I made progress but it was slow slow slow.
You are really impressive for someone who has just started the program!
