The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
tired today..a little bored..a little angry..a little lonely..a little hungry
meeting this morning..therapy this afternoon...i think i'll see a movie tonight..or read a book
i just feel a bit shot out at the moment
one of those hump day wednesdays
a guy in the meeting this morning spoke of his life...his drug and alcohol use..standing on the corner..the little guy getting beat up..chasing after the older kids for guidance..the music..the loneliness..the pain
it was spell binding..i loved his share..reminded me of myself
so many tools..so many words..so much to ponder in the day
just feeling a bit out of wack here..think i'll go out and get a cup of coffee or some food..talk to some stranger on the street..make my heart and head feel better
don't mean to sound marose...just watched part of the bob dylan movie that came out this year...i think its call you are nowhere???,,,or something like that..a bit downtrodden and humbling..always loved dylan
As someone with ptsd I live entirely in HALT. I have only brief respites to be out of it. I have had lots of treatment for the ptsd but its still there!
That's for me one of the reasons fantasy is so huge. I would like to be without suffering.
I know when I work this program well and focus on myself more I can be better with dealing with HALT.
For me personally I can find lots of inspiration and have no trouble seeking it. The support for my every day life struggles is something else. Growing up deprived then hooking up with an A is a sure fire toxic way to be.
I also have recently worked for someone who was a great inspirational speaker (not on recovery) and she was the most toxic, horrible, self absorbed person to work for. Some people (I'm not suggesting any speaker in AA is!) do not walk what they talk. I'm a culprit of that too!
I can read, write and talk recovery but putting into practice is another matter. My life can be very very mediocre at the best of times rather than the starry voyage into the sunset of recovery. Again I have to really watch my expectations. What's wrong with a mediocre day its a lot better than a horrible really awful day. I can't expect every day to be wonderful and perfect. What's an acceptable day I'm not there yet. I want results but I don't want to work for them.
I keep taking actions but my expectations are totally magical rather than realistic.
Just my two cents on my own ESH and struggle. With or without a relationship I'm left with the relationship with myself which is difficult at best!
