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Basically, this post is just to vent. I have been very insecure these last couple of days. Not sure why...could be because my bf slipped one day last week...could be pms...who really knows. I do ususally get weird around my pms days, so maybe that's what it is??? Anyways, here is my vent: the last couple of days, I have felt unattractive, very insecure, etc. My bf I know loves me to death. Never has cheated (but when drinking is a very big flirt). Never gives me any reason he wants anyone else. He is always very affeciate. But these last couple of days, I will notice when he looks at other women. Like at the ball game the other night the "Braves" girls sat a few rows over and for the next 1 hr had to watch my bf keep glancing over there while they waved their little short shorts around. Then when he knew I was having a bad night a couple of days ago, what movie does he pick to watch on tv? Some movie where Tom Jones is guarding over a group of cheerleaders (who in the movie of course ran around with "little" clothes on). It's just little things like this that are bugging me these last few days. I know that he is a "guy" and that it is normal guy behavior to look a little. But it still bugs me at times. I do not think that means that if he looks at someone he wants her, but it does make me think "what is he thinking about????" Anyways thanks for letting me vent.. I know I am just being sensitive and had to let it out. Not going to tell him what is bothering me because that would make me look like an insecure little jeolous thing. I'm just having a rough couple of down days. Thanks.
I felt insecure night and day with an A. I think I feel pretty insecure around other people full stop. I used to go to one of my roommates room's to just chat. Every single time I did the roommate who lived next door kept banging on the door and barging in. I told the roomate I did not like that and the behavior continued. I found it infuriating. Now I'm not going to that roommates room I notice he isn't knocking on the door and barging in there because there is no one else there! I'm not about to ask why!
Personally I think active A's can be totally infuriating with their behavior and part of my al anon program is to detach from it rather than get sucked in like a vacumn cleaner, easier said than done somedays. Nowadays I have less and less tolerance for it. For years I felt it was all "me".
You are not alone with having problems dealing with people who are addicted.
MSLouise, I dont know how old you are but I bet I am much older, been around the block, I am 62, been married to the A 24 years. I don't think what your describing is alcoholic behavior, I have been married 3 times, the first two were not alcoholics. It sounds like male behavior. Don't tell me you never have looked at an attractive male. My A never looked at another woman, I found that suspicious. Turns out he had the affair. Yes, I was very upset, but more upset over his affair with alcohol, it causes them to make bad judgments. Its all about your own self worth. I was never jealous of the other woman,(not in my nature) she use to call me and tell me, they were going to start a new life, I told her you can have him, give me a break. She didnt believe he was an A, she spent one full day with him(we were separated at the time) and she was ready to call the police, she couldnt handle it. Now, my husband is sober, he tells me it had everything to do with his drinking, it brings all kinds of other issues with it, cheating, gambling, spending, driving drunk, I don't have to tell you. Don't let this disease blindside you, be prepared. Work on you, you cant control what they do and who knows why they do it, and why do we care. You have your own life to figure out. Do it girl, work it. Luv, Bettina
I've learned in Alanon "happiness is an inside job;" and I know how you feel at times regarding others. I've also learned not to compare my insides with someone else's outsides.
Not sure if your A would be compassionate but perhaps you could share with him how his looking at other women in your prescence makes you feel. I've been honest with men in my life and have had success with them respecting my wishes.
Keep coming :) Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
