The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I would say in my younger days, I may have gone looking for trouble, but didn't mean to. (age 19-20). I didn't know the consequences of my actions. However, once I settled down and married, I seem to feel that trouble comes looking for me.
Hopefully, I can get that sign off my back, along with the one that says "All alcoholics report here"
Some days I have to repeat to myself, "Never trouble trouble, until trouble troubles you" ------------------ (I think that quote is right, and I use a lot of humor in my recovery to get through it (and perhaps to mask at times).
One thing i do is when trouble shows up I don't acknowledge it. One of my roommates now has his alcoholic ex staying with him. I say absolutely nothing to her. I don't say one word, I smile and look serene and look elsewhere. Before I would have been intrigued now I am not. If I see someone drinking I look elsewhere. Before I would have wanted to save them from themselves now I don't.
There are boundaries and other boundaries. One of them is not open them up.
Ya know what I think , I think the glass is half full and will be completely full within a matter of minutes. And I think those people who say that humor is just a front to hide real painful emotions are the same people who believe that if you have a small room you HAVE to paint it white so it will look bigger. When if you simply painted the room the color you love, people will walk in and say "oh what a great color" where if it's white they will walk in and say "wow what a small room". Laughter is the best medicine and if your humor is comming from an honest place it is as healing as anything else we humans can think of.
I love the "all alcoholics report here" idea. I think we should make it as a teeshirt available at alanon meetings. I'd like to see how many would line up behind me!!
Wish I could find more humor. I have felt a little like that "trouble comes looking for me" all this year. But I remember that if I can't get out of it, I have to get into it".
I have to admit that I spent a significant chunk of my younger years looking for trouble on various levels. Sometimes I was aware of it, sometimes I became aware of it later... I try not to do that now but I got so good at it that I think I still give off the vibe that trouble is accepted here. I'm working on identifying the ways I act that invite trouble so I can adjust them. I've grown weary of my regular trouble cycles but I've also been so used to the turmoil for so long that I keep allowing it to sneak back in. Another thing I need to work on is filling the time I spent on trouble with healthier things and thoughts. If I'm going to put that much of my time and energy into something, it'd be nice to actually have something to show for it! :P
