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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Acting vs. Reacting (battle with hormones, mouth, & mind)
Post Info TOPIC: Acting vs. Reacting (battle with hormones, mouth, & mind)
JenniferN


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Acting vs. Reacting (battle with hormones, mouth, & mind)
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Acting....not reacting...THAT is my struggle since last night. He came home an hour and a half late from his meeting. He said he went to Shoney's with some people from the group. I never asked. I didn't REact. I ACTED. I did NOTHING. I said NOTHING. I wasn't being hateful, didn't project an attitude, and didn't say anything about dinner sitting there on the stove since 7:30 (well I did when he went to eat some, I told him that it would need to be reheated because it had been sitting there since 7:30) but that was it. I wasn't hateful, full of attitude, I wasn't talking either. I answered the questions he asked. He stayed in the bedroom watching t.v. and I stayed in the living room playing the PS2. When I went to bed, I was sniffling (sinus issues), he asked if I was ok, I said yea pretty much. He asked if something was wrong and I said nothing worth mentioning. I ACTED. I didn't REact. I won over my hormones!!!aww   
Which is NOT easy.
This morning I let him sleep because I honestly didn't want to be bothered with him, but I told him it was because I knew he didn't sleep last night. He asked me again what was wrong with me last night, and again I told him it wasn't worth mentioning. He says SO it has something to do with me then? I laughed and said it didn't HAVE to be about him and I walked away and dropped the subject. Nothing has been said about it the rest of the day. I'm glad because I could COMPLETELY go off on his head. But for what? What would I gain? nothing....absolutely nothing. I would hear the same thing I've heard before when he decided to go out with group people: he can't call from the hall because our house is long distance yada yada yada yada...it's all a bunch of crap really and I know it and I don't want to hear it. I just chalk it up to his inconsideration not as an alcoholic, but as a human. There is nothing I can do about it. He's 37 years old and this is the way he is. It's something I have to learn to live with if I want to continue to live with him.

THIS is how I'm working my program: I kept repeating to myself last night and today: How important is it?
I have yet to start working the steps beyond step 3, but I try everyday to work the program as much as I can with as much as I know.

blessings to all
Jennifer

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Bettina


~*Service Worker*~

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You did well Jennifer, very well. You should be proud of yourself. Sometimes I had to physically put my hand over my mouth. Just remember its ok to say what you mean, just not in a mean way. You have rights also, its ok to say anything thats bothering you. Just state them matter of factly, if he is sober. You know already you can't discuss anything when they are drunk. Like talking to a bottle of ketchup. I pray to my HP to say the right things at the right time and for it to penetrate his brain. lol Luv, Bettina

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Bettina
wallsal55


Senior Member

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Posts: 410
Date:
RE: Acting vs. Reacting ---Applause !
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  Hi,  I am so proud of you!   I have been a PMS sufferer for 20 yrs. and then had Seasonal depression with it,  then of course, it was menopause from hell.   My hubby had stopped drinking, 10 yrs. sobriety, then drank again 6 more years, and then quit again.  The 2nd time, it took a long time for his brain to clear!   Anyway---For me, I had to establish a good relationship with my doctors, and healthcare team.

  It was natural hormones from www.womensinternational.com   and correcting a thyroid problem.
Then it was tackling the rest I mentioned above.   I have kept tabs on my Blood Pressure, cholest., and anything to prevent diabetes.  (I am pre-diabetic)

Hang in there.   You CAN do it.   Hormones (and our feelings, emotions) don't have to run our live

                PMS Queen and Menopause Maven  biggrin

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In my HP's time, not mine.
maresie


~*Service Worker*~

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RE: Acting vs. Reacting (battle with hormones, mouth, & mind)
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Personally I do think it is alcoholism.  That doesn't make much matter really does it. The fact is he did it.  I have such a hard hard time with not over reacting. I think you did splendidly.

I have to personally see sick sick sick on their foreheads. Sometimes all I can do is pray and shut my mouth.

Maresie.

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maresie
wallsal55


Senior Member

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RE: Acting vs. Reacting
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  Well, yes it can be alcoholism---just alcoholism, but I get hurt by it to or I get SICK.

Such an illogical thing.  It's their disease, but we have to protect ourselves from it or we get sick or hurt by it.
  For me, I get sick mentally, spiritually, physically, especially with the longeviety of living with the disease.   blankstare

I guess it's what we do with it or what we do to take care of ourselves that counts.

All, I know is I cannot be around actively drinking alchoholics at all now that I've reached age 52.
It is like trying to blend vinegar and oil at this point in my life.  (rofl)  aww

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In my HP's time, not mine.
cookie1971


~*Service Worker*~

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RE: Acting vs. Reacting (battle with hormones, mouth, & mind)
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(((((Jennifer)))))

You are to be commended on the way you handled things. It has never been easy for me to keep my mouth shut but I'm getting a little better about it.

Most of the time I do quite well lately but I do tend to lose it now and again. Seems to happen about once a month or so. Hmmmmm Hormones maybe?

Living with an active A and never saying anything is very difficult at best. Bet you had him wondering all day what it was that was wrong.

Keep working your program!! You're doing great.

Love,

Claudia



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