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Today was my consult with thoracic surgeon for the lung nodules discovered in my cancer check-up in June. Things are moving way way too fast for me, but have to cope. Am scheduled for surgery on Monday morning. Will be in SCU for 24 hours and then in hospital for several days. This is ten times more upsetting than my leg surgery last year to remove the primary tumor. Anyway, will be out of commission for at least next week. It is going to take some real courage for my husband and I to deal with this with him sick too. Please remember us in your thoughts and prayers. Thanks.
I am upset right now because I was on phone with my son. He manages to pick his times for sure. When I am filled with anxiety over today's situation, he picks tonight to vent about his EX and how "she done him wrong song" again!! He refuses to accept his responsiblity in the split. We are now at two years and two months since the ink dried and he is STILL going on at times. I managed to p*** him off royally just now, leaving me crying and upset with myself. Why can't he get over this woman and move on with his life? Yes, she treats him so badly and he hurts constantly over that. If only the two of them could get along and make a life for their child. That little boy is getting older each day and he will need both of them. With their attitude toward one another, it cannot move forward. I remain in the middle and am too sick to handle it. BUT I don't know how to remain out of it like tonight. I get drawn in before I can figure it out.
Gosh what a hard time. I am sorry you are having to deal with a self absorbed A too. You would think he could see you were in shock already.
That is still one of my main sticking points with the A. No matter what was going on for me he had more. Whatever it was his needs came first. I found that very very difficult to deal with. He never stopped pushing. I now run like the hills from pushy people and that certainly affects me tremendously.
I am sending you lots of prayers. I do hope you will be able to come back and tell us how you are. You have done so much program work.
I do know for me personally and its only my ESH not a mandate, wishing people are other than they are is really toxic stuff. I can get totally lost in it. Sometimes when I deal with difficult people all I can do is pray pray and pray some more. That's the only way I can get through it without drowning. I know all the reasons they should be "other" but for whatever reason they choose to be in their disease. I know also that when I was remarkably codependent people found it pretty hard to be around me. I changed because otherwise I'd simply melt in dysfunction but not everyone does. There is no sense to it but that's the reality.
I have to severely limit the amount of time I can be around certain people these days when i get stronger it may be easier for me.
Sending you many many hugs and I am so sad you are having to deal with this but you are! I am so much in awe of your ability to deal with terrifying news and such hardship. You will be in our thoughts and prayers.
Just focus on you and your recovery right now if you can. It's alright to say to your son, I can't talk right now can I get back to you? or just respond with "uha" "uha" "uha" to his situation rather than getting drawn in.
Easier said then done,
for you. Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
((((((((((((((((((((((Joyoma))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I will be thinking of you. Maria is right. He is a big boy and the focus is on you and only you now. Laura
You've got the prayers for both the surgery and a break thru with the realization that you and your husband have way too much on your plates to allow anyone else to stack more on it. Pissing him off didn't make him stop I'll bet. "Self centered to the extreem" is one of the character discriptions used for the alcoholic/addict. "What in the world does he think you can do for him now?" might be another question to ask him if you reconnect. As we say prayers for you and your mate help us out and detach from your son.
(((((hugs))))) Visualize yourself being healed and whole.
I will be thinking of you, Joy, and sending positive thoughts and energy to you for a complete and quick recovery. And you will be in my prayers and fondest wishes.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Time for you right now. Your son is old enough to do his whinning elsewhere so detach. Make the space for all that love and support and prayer coming your way. Positive thinking for your surgery, and recovery is what you need now.
Know that you are loved from across the miles of that big big ocean as I write this and fill each letter with prayer especially for your healing. Sending peace and serenity and courage to both you and your husband too.
Do your bit, as Jerry suggests and detach, and let the love of this family and all the prayer do the rest for you as your surgeon and the hospital staff care for you.
Thinking and praying daily for you.
Dear Joyoma, love from Suzannah
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
You have gotten some good thoughts and advice from the others already. I can only echo what they have already said.
Detachment while a hard thing to accomplish is the best course of action when dealing with a self centered A. You have far too much on your plate now with your surgery coming up. Take care of yourself first and foremost.
When your son finds that he can't get you to play into his drama, then perhaps he may begin to come to terms with his divorce.
I will be praying for your speedy recovery.
Turn to your HP to help you detach. You can still love your son even though you detach from the situation. Detachment doesn't mean that you don't love your son.
Take Care of Yourself my dear.
With Love,
Claudia
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
(((((joyoma)))) Wow, isn't that how it goes with this disease. Even in sickness we can't get any sympathy. All the best to you. It is ok to focus on yourself and take good care of you. Keep us posted on your progress.
(((HUGS-JOY))) Big-Hugs, My prayer is that your HP will be with you, your family, and the surgeons in the days before the surgery. I wish you a full 100% recovery, and pray that YOU will be self centered, thinking and taking care of only yourself beginning now. YOU deserve that and more. Joy, I will be thinking about you, promise me you will start thinking about YOU any only YOU, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Be positive, have faith, it works. Love and support in your full and complete recovery. RLC
I'm wishing you the best possible outcome. Stress is the very LAST thing you need right now. We all know stress can manifest in to illnesses. You just keep your heart as light as possible and please let us know how you are as soon as you are up to it.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
So sorry you are going through this with your son when you need to take care of you. Listen to what others said and detach. Whatever it takes to do it. There is not one problem that you can get your son through. He is the only one that can do it now. If he chooses to not handle things himself then so be it. Whatever happens....happens. If you trust HP you can handle anything. One day when you and hubby are no longer here...who will fix things for him then?
Thank you ALL for the astute comments and the support. I have shed my tears and have found the peace and resolve I need to get the surgery out of the way and recover. That is the only goal for next week.
We had our Wednesday family night at son's place last evening. The little guy loves going to visit his Dad at Dad's "aportament" as he calls it. Lots of things to explore and do. My son was still irritable, but things were OK. I acted as if we hadn't tangled the night before. He prepped the meal and we ate out on his patio, which the toddler loved. My son is understandably shook up over my surgery and as usual, has a difficult time understanding that his very strong mother is aging and has physical problems as does his father. He logically KNOWS, but emotionally is undone. I see it in his sudden tears and the things he says. Add to this his own craziness over his personal life and his struggle to not drink, you have yourself a personality set to come undone. And he does. He refuses to attend AA and has quit individual counseling, soo>>>>> I am doing so much better with detaching from it, but hate the times I fail. And Gailey, you have hit the nail on the head with "who will fix things when.......are gone"......that is what I think all the time, but don't say because it feels as if I am playing on our conditions. Anyway, thanks to all. Have much to do today and tomorrow for getting ready. Will have grandbaby tomorrow also and will have him Sunday for swimming and visiting. I am OK. (pretty much!!!)
for you. 
