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Just thought I'd give ya'll an update on the "situation" with my ex a b/f. As some may remember, after being apart for several months, my ex and I sorta rekindled a friendship. Well to make a long story short, it started to go a little too far. I had my guard up though (thankfully) and knew when it was time to run for the hills. Whats that old saying, you can't change the spots on a leopard? Well, that saying is the TRUTH! He has no reason, no desire and no ability to change which is a darn shame because deep deep inside he is a good person. He just makes really bad decisions and blames his actions on the path his life has taken. Found out he's been frequenting bars, soliciting strippers for sex, smoking pot, and just reverting back to the person he used to be. The hills are a very comfortable place. Think I'll be sticking to it this time! Hope you all are well.
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Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't mean that they don't love you the best way they know how
Well Heartbroken, we live and learn. I know my A and I were separated for 6 months, made my boundaries, not allowed over or in the house unless sober, worked his way back, and began to drink again. Now is sober for the first time after drinking since he was 16, 54 now. I know now that the A will not stop drinking unless their are consequences from the drinking and still it can take numerous times and numerous consequences. Sounds like you are dealing with it. Keep coming back, I see you are a veteran member, so you know the drill. Peace and serenity, luv, Bettina
I went back to the ex A las tyear and gave it one more try. Don't ask me why but I was of the mind I had to try till I dropped. Another example of codependence. Now I am at another end of the spectrum, every relationship has to have something in it for me. I am no longer the service person I once was. I know that will not always be the case.
I have the same struggle Maresie. In my efforts to protect myself, self centerdness has surged to the forefront. Just the opposite of what Service used to be. In my case I stumbled on a reading about a guy that put material success in front of service. I think in me its more like material security instead of success. Still, I have supplanted God's unselfish will with my own. Its not the program and it doesn't feel good either. I bet the path out of this is harder than the path in.
When we begin to love ourselves, we realize that we are so worth a full, nurturing, emotionally available relationship and nothing short of that will do.
Proud of you for seeing the red flags and realizing what you can do about it,
yours in recovery, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Yeah, sometimes you just gotta go back for one more "peek". I did that. And sure enough, it was all exactly the same, too, just like you found out. The difference was ME. I loved my self enough to turn my back and get an attny. I headed for the hills that way- I know what you are saying about the leopard and the spots. Hugs, J.
Thanks for the post, I needed it today. I just got moved into my apt. Last night was the first night I spent here, have been moving in for a week! AH and I went to court yesterday for the restraining order I had to file on him. The judge ruled since we were not living together, he would not be a problem, so it was dismissed. I had not seen or spoken to him for almost 2 weeks. So, I'm sitting here all safe and smug in my apt. on my new computer when I get an email from him. Says he has already paid for an attorney to file a dissolution. I feel like I've been hit in the gut. I guess I need to feel wanted, or needed, or something, even tho I'm not sure what I want. I guess I still love him but just can't live with him. Guess I thought we could be friends....we've been married almost 8 years, together since 1997. I feel like such a failure. I have made very bad marriage choices. I feel like I am damaged goods. I tried so hard. I feel sick at the thought of going back, sick at the thought of a divorce. I just don't want to be alone. Love in Recovery, Becky1
I know what you mean about not wanting to be alone. Been there also. With the help of family and friends I realized that if I stayed with him, I would still be alone; emotionally and mentally. The physical togetherness just doesnt count because there reached a point where there was no affection of any kind. Thats not a relationship, and I really couldnt call it even a friendship anymore.
If I said I didnt miss him I would be lying. I miss him every single day, especially lately. But because of him I am a stronger woman and I will survive and learn how to better deal with life without him.
Trust is a huge thing in any sort of relationship and when there is no trust, there just cant be a healthy relationship. Just wish that I had a remote control of sorts and I could push a button and rewind things to when they were good.
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Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't mean that they don't love you the best way they know how
