The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I know i'm always whining and complaining so I'll say this. I went on a date this weekend, didn't marry the man. I also didn't obsess, plan, obsess, plan and obsess about what the relationship will become. He didn't follow me home. I didn't sleep with him,. I didn't call him 500 times, he didn't call me 500 times. I didn't plot my wedding. I didn't tell him my whole life story.
I didn't beg him to rescue me from my plight.
I met him for coffee. We had a nice conversation. I didn't plan the next date. I could leave without feeling my life was leaving with him. I didn't obsess all weekend whether he was going to email me. I could let it go.
I didn't even think about whether he was "the" one. Oddly enough I don't much care.
I do think this is really hugely significant progress for me. I moved with the former A so fast. A friend of mine cautioned me strongly but I was in the moving fast mode. I saw nothing wrong with my behavior.
I don't even have fear about what will happen with this relaitonship. We can be friends. I'll see what happens. I'll reveal myself slowly for once rather than put it all out there.
He wants to meet again, great, my life no longer depends on whether he did or didn't.
I don't even have any fantasies about where it will lead. I've waited my whole life to be able to date, maybe I can do this.
For me this is so significant to just date casually, no strings, no huge drama, no huge performance. He doesn't even have my phone number, by date one most people had every number I ever had!
What joy there is in doing a fourth step and seeing what I've done wrong and how I can correct it. Correcting it is one day at a time, one moment at a time, one second at a time.
WOW, what a powerful post Maresie- that is terrific and i know you have worked SO HARD, tooth and nail, holding on by your fingertips onto the face of a cliff to get to this point.
I am so glad that you are having this experience. Its so freeing, just the light at the end of the tunnel, kind of. I have felt this also although it comes and goes. Some moments I obsess and some its totally cool and not obsessive which is probably normal (to swing back and forth some).
I just really want to acknowledge how hard you have worked and what you have been through. Its a huge step in the right direction, congrats, J.
Wouldn't it be great to plan, dream and look forward to my life just based on me... and whatever else might happen would just be icing on the wonderful cake that is already my life, it's all a matter of perspective I guess!!
Sounds like your there girl! Don't beat yourself up - no need to feel insecure if you do find yourself looking foward to his call someday (maybe) You are stronger now so maybe it will be okay to hope a little and plan a little if the time is right?
Thanks for the encouraging post your a real success story.
I really don't know how my life will be in the future. I know what it was in the past with a series of codependent relationships so I'm "willing" to change. It is literally one day at a time. I have no big plan for the future, in fact its a real source of "fear" for me. I have no vision that this behavior will give me peace and happiness. I just know I simply cannot continue as I have.
I don't have any feelings one way or another what this relationship will be because I know I don't know how to do a relationship in ways that are healthy. So I have to turn it over much as I have to turn over so much in my life.
For me personally being aware of how I give up all my power is so so crucial because I simply don't have anymore to give away. What's more my animals depend on me, they were really damaged by the A and his behavior I simply can't have those animals harmed any more in good conscience so I am "willing" to try something else.
I think willingness & acceptance are the two main things to grasp & utilize here, it has enabled me to deal ODAT.
I too have problems w/ getting involved, revealing too much - it all seems to back fire in the end, I come off desperate & no one respects that.
What ever reason it is that has made you more aware of yourself & able to take things slowly, even purposefully, is very positive.
I do it too, thinking about the craziest of scenarios, trying to grasp everything or force things to fit, when it all does take time for things, people, situations to come to light and reveal themselves.
I am proud of you, sounding healthy & in balance, I hope that I will be cool, collected & reserved with the next man I date. I would like to have another relationship again, soon and to experience some power over self!
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Good for you! I tend to move too fast in relationships too......guess that is why I am on my 5th (and I THOUGHT last) marriage.
I am at a place where I don't know what I want....don't know if I want a divorce (even tho I moved out), don't know if I want another man, ever. Don't know if I am able to date. Don't want to be a nun, either! Jeesh!
Congrats on being where you are....sounds like a good place to me!
Just a quickie, so so happy for you to have reached this stage and I do hope that it lasts for you...that serenity to just be and enjoy a date and let it be what it is, a date...without it having to be "the rest of your life"...at this stage.
This is so so wonderful for I have read and read and read your story and your progress.
Happy, happy, happy for you...keep on, keeping on.
Love Suzannah
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
