The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thanks again for the support of my little family here. After a distant, grumpy sober weekend... This morning a bright, well spoken BF left for his work trip again. He was positive, spoke reasonably about practical issues, sending me money to reimburse our expenses for weekend, and left in a good mood, even asked me to fly down and see him if his trip gets long said how much he loves me etc... I call this guy "Tony" (not BF's name). I am absolutly crazy about Tony by the way! I don't know why these mood's change so drastically, of course without alanon I would believe that it was that he was happy he was leaving me or even maybe that he has someone on the side that he is happy to be going to (wooo just had a thought, he does, when he travels he can drink without me being there-he wants so badly to please me by being sober I know that's it, will probably have to want to stay sober for himself before it sticks but at least he is trying something). I will stick to plan to work on me and my work and family while he is gone but not out of angry spite but because it is good. I will also pray to do a better job of really not letting others mood swings deterine my feelings- this is so hard for me but I will pray for enlightenment and discuss with my sponsor.
I am powerless over alcohol (and the results it has in my moods and others even when not drinking).
Thanks again family for listening and letting me know I am not alone!!
Glad, I can so relate about the moods of others profoundly affecting me. I feel like a sail in the wind sometimes. I am much better than I used to be but I still feel myself "going there", when someone is "off"- my knee-jerk REACTION (note the caps) is to assume that somehow I messed up. Had some moments of that over the weekend. Assuming the worst. But I can spot it now and then work to simply STOP and take a look at it and examine other options and choices of perspective.
I love Jerry's advice of when in doubt, DO NOTHING- man, that has gotten me to where I want to go many many times. I find that MY disease is one of action and acting and if I do not act, I win half the battle. If I can just chill, even for a little while, the clouds part pretty quickly, usually.
This is why REACTING (a form of acting) is so toxic for me- like a sail in the wind getting whipped this way and that. It is tough- its great that you are working on it- I am right beside you working on it, too. You are correct, we are powerless over moody alcoholics. We cannot even BEGIN to figure them out so lets not bother- let them be who they are and keep the focus on us and who we want to become!!
The other thing I can do is work to surround myself with positive, cheerful, upbeat people as much of the time as possible. People who have a great sense of humor. Hugs, J.
My feeling prey to others moods originated in childhood. Knowing that I can forgive myself for my compulsive people pleasing and over reacting. All I could do was to survive that time.
The more I can detach the better. Sometimes I have to keep my mind so focused on what do I need, me me me, me. That is what I always accused the A of and he would bitterly deny it. Of course his self absorption was a different kettle of fish from my trying to hold onto the fact that I exist at all. I always put others first, his was to put me in particular last. I know he had his own form of people pleasing but I no longer try to define it.
Putting myself in the picture is so essential. I can feel responsible for the fact the weather changed in a second.
These days I am in the picture. I can know that I am not the only resource, not the only person who has to fix things. I can say this is too much for me to handle and give it back! I can have limits.
I too tend to over react and I work on that. I'm not going to change an ingrained pattern overnight. I can either over react or not react at all. I can choose when I am in over react or denial I am not choosing I am in compulsivity.
Please know you are not alone with this issue. It is one of my core issues that I work on all the time.
