I don't know how much "positive" I have to rub off today but I want to say that you seem on the right track to me. When I feel overwhelmed I make a list of everything on my mind then make a must do list from that and if I get some of that list done I feel success.

If I were there I would gladly give you a hug, and I would love to knock off a few things on your list for you to lighten your burden. Sometimes we just need to know it all doesn't have to be done by us.

I can't make that happen but I can and will pray that you have the most productive and peaceful moment, day and week and that you feel your HP hugging you all week long, all life long, lifting you up and providing the help you need.

I hope you can look back at this post later and see your miracles in  your life large and small.

I can give you my esh.  One of the things I felt really compelled about with the exA was to try to get him to help and aid me. I stood on my head to do that so much. I felt that I needed proof it was worth putting all I did into the relationship. I had such resentment about that he didn't want to do it. I can write that now he did not want to do it.

Recently a neighbor was helping me with my shopping. Along with that came  the issue of dealing with her codpendency, depression and mental illness.  After she crossed a boundary on me I quit that. I felt like I was lost.  

Oddly enough I find that when I quit craving for people to do things for me that doing it myself was easier.  Don't get me wrong it is a real long haul for me to care for myself. I have tremendous fear, tremendous trepidation and more.

This time of being alone for you can be a new beginning. You can now be super selective about who you let in your life. If you can do this when you are so so stretched you can take time and energy and be very very selective about who you let in, when, and how.  That's some of how I look at this. Believe it is not easy to schlepp my dog food on the bus with a handcart.  Nevertheless it is easier than dealing with someone who really crossed my boundaries in so many ways.  I don't need that in my life. I feel an enormous sense of relief.  Getting the rides from either my ex (who used my truck to do it but still felt like it was an enormous effort to do anything but anything for me) or my neighbor was an enormous undertaking. There was a powerplay under way.  When I stepped out of the powerplay I gained back my power.

I've always viewed relationship as something we do together. What I have constantly re-created is something from my childhood where I beg for a few small crumbs and treasure the crumbs. I'm through dealing with the crumbs.  I want more and in wanting more I have to do without for a while.

Yes it is indeed difficult to be on your own, healthy or sick.  Being with an active A on top of that is harder at least it was for me. Dealing with dysfunctional people is harder for me too I am so used to it I don't think so but gradually over time in this program I've decided its time to start over.  Now I go about relaitionships very very differently.  I don't know the territory but I know where doing what I did before got me.  

I know you know we are with you on this new journey of yours. I hope you will report often what is going on for you. Getting a new doctor is strenuous stuff.

Maresie            

Okay folks, it is bed time and I just want to let you know how I got on today.

About ten minutes after I posted today my prayer partner rang to ask how I was.  I told her that I was having a low day and that I needed to stop, think, pray and plan so she said she was on her way over to pray with me.

Talk about blessings...after 10-15 minutes we had got to the root of my misery and handed it over in prayer, then she left.

I made a simple list, and as Jerry so wisely suggested, I had written in very definite breaks...it's part of my pacing strategy that the Pain Management Clinic had been keen for me to take on board as a way of coping.

I achieved a number of things:  cleared the kitchen, prepared my dinner, got through about 1/3 of my ironing, hung my laundry up to dry around the house - yep Serendipity however I did NOT hang anything from my "chandelier", and I even managed to clean the furniture and shelves in my dayroom and finally clear out the rubbish and recycling.

All in all, good though tiring.  My papers were delivered for me so that the appeal could be worked on whilst I am attending the hospital appointments and that was a weight off my mind.

I am experiencing a pain level of 7-8 out of 10 right now so I am going to bed with a hot water bottle and giving everything up to prayer once more.

Thank you Maresie, I identify with much that you wrote, and I have decided that I have to let go of my mentally ill neighbour right now. I got in touch with her minister to ask for support that I felt I could not give right at this moment in time, you know the things I had been doing for her, cooking, cleaning, shopping, and doing her garden.  I explained that I was having difficulty doing my own, not being really well at this time, and that the more I helped the more my neighbour was NOT making any effort to help herself.  I feel so bad about this for I know she has no other friends to help, though she has a sister who supports her financially, and legally and advises though I think that sister has been relieved that I have been doing so much practical stuff.

Thank you Jerry for reminding me the importance of "just for today" and the fact that "I don't have to do everything perfectly".  These are two things that I do forget when I am overwhelmed.

Thank you too Serendipity for making me laugh and remember not to take things so seriously all of the time.  It is hard that one, however I like the idea of utube for a laugh and your underwear on the chandelier really made me chuckle, and I appreciate the prayers too and the hugs, they are reciprocated.

And Glad, thank you too for understanding that sometimes it is just the simple fact that one "...just needs to know it all does not have to be done by us."; and guess what, it was not all done by me today for my friend got my papers down to the officer who is handling my appeal.  Hey and I felt that hug from across those waves today.

  so I end today on a better note than I started.

God bless you all for your support...take care, I just so love you all.

Suzannah

(((((Suzannah)))))

I had a busy day so didn't get to read your post until now. Guess you are resting up for what is in store for tomorrow. I'll be praying that tomorrow will be a day of rest for you. Sounds like you could use one.

Isn't that just like HP to send over your prayer partner just when you need her. I am truly blessed by how He takes care of our needs.

I'm still laughing over Serendipity's underwear hanging from the chandelier.

Sending you a ((((((hug)))))) from "Across the Pond"

Love,

Claudia

Hi my dear friend, oh I wish I could come over and do your stuff for ya and blab and laugh.

I just helped my friend and cleaned her kitchen.There was not an empty flat surface anywhere.Was not all dirty stuff, some cool stuff and a few what is that here for stuff.

Grouped up all the chicken things in one corner on this very cute box. I said I love this box, I used to have one...she says it was yours! lol, gave it and a bunch of neat stuff when I moved over here.

Anyway it was all so cute and clean.She was happy.

Sue you know I know how you feel.It is so tireing to never have a break. When anyone does anything for me I LOVE it.

it is my experience, we have to allow ourselves to rest. we need to refuel. If you want, do a bit at a time.I put up the dogs kennel. I got part of it covered with chicken wire as I do not want cats coming in there and then coming in the doggy door.

Anyway a year ago I would do it all in a day. no more.I get a bit off and go in.
don't allow yourself to get too tired,cleaning stuff can sure wait.

What is more important is for you not to feel like you do right now.

I would invite you to do what you can and let it rest. Who cares if things pile up a little.you won't always feel so tired.

One thing i learned,which is off the wall to me. When I was feeling really horrible,I would work really hard outside,come in lay in my bed,take my shoes off and fall asleep in my all messed up bed.

Would take a shower in the morn. What i am saying is, i learned to let my body rest when it needs it.

One time I was dumb and didn't listen to my body and almost died. Was horrible. Got too hot, could not breath,felt sicker than I ever have. So please don't learn the hard way.

So glad you are here. hugs,deb