The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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I listen to everyone speak of their HP and how they leave things in their HP's hands etc but I have no understanding of the idea of a HP. I believe in God although (pity party) I feel like I"ve been dealt a really bad hand of cards during my life starting with a cancer diagnosis when I was 29 and leaving me to deal with this idea on a daily basis. I dont feel safe whatsoever. I feel like I dont "trust" in God b/c of what I had to go through and that diagnosis was only the begining of several problems which have come my way. My AH tells me he know he will be pushing me around in a wheelchair in 10 yrs. How ironic huh? I'll be pushing or taking care of him and his liver disease. Anyway, I want to find my way back and somehow find a HP which I can believe in and trust in. I just dont know where to start. I know I need a HP in my life so I just need a little help on how I can find or come to terms with my God or HP. I dont know where to start or where to look for answers and I feel very alone in this journey and on this step of giving things up to my HP.
A66, do you attend al-anon meetings? That is where I found HP. I made a commitment to attend 3 meetings a week for a couple of years and went no matter what. Sometimes I would attend 4 per week. I am not sure how it worked but this worked for me. You HP is with you. Always, as in right now. Hugs, J.
I do try to get myself to 1 f2f meeting / wk but find its kinda hard b/c I feel like everyone knows each other and talks to each other after the meetings but me. I know, I know, if I start going more often, I will develop relationships w/ some of the other members but right now I feel uncomfortable and very nervous going to them. My daughter started going to alateen when I started the f2f which was about 6 wks ago, and she has no issues. I'm the one who's a social phobic I guess. Thanks for your thoughts :) ~Jackie
The closing of our meetings have a suggestion in, "If you keep and open mind you will find help..." I found that keeping and open mind was very helpful in letting other members' expressions of their relationship with their HP lead me away from trying to understand from "inside the box". I let the membership take me "outside the box" and that led me to give up trying to "get it" from inside my head to "feeling it" inside my being and that is how it happened for me. I have never quit the quest for understanding "God as I understand God" as I have listened and let so many people expand that understanding. Until recently I got closer to "home" on my understanding when I read the writings of some major native American Indian Chiefs. Their name for God? "The Great Mystery". God for me won't fit in a box or under my thumb. Above me, under me, around me and now within me is sizeless. Mystery pretty well describes a power greater than my puny mind and limited understanding and around me and in me I have been able to have faith in.
Great subject!! Keep on with the courage. You will get there.
I listen to everyone speak of their HP and how they leave things in their HP's hands etc but I have no understanding of the idea of a HP. I believe in God although (pity party) I feel like I"ve been dealt a really bad hand of cards during my life starting with a cancer diagnosis when I was 29 and leaving me to deal with this idea on a daily basis. I dont feel safe whatsoever. I feel like I dont "trust" in God b/c of what I had to go through and that diagnosis was only the begining of several problems which have come my way. My AH tells me he know he will be pushing me around in a wheelchair in 10 yrs. How ironic huh? I'll be pushing or taking care of him and his liver disease. Anyway, I want to find my way back and somehow find a HP which I can believe in and trust in. I just dont know where to start. I know I need a HP in my life so I just need a little help on how I can find or come to terms with my God or HP. I dont know where to start or where to look for answers and I feel very alone in this journey and on this step of giving things up to my HP.
Thanks for reading, ~ Jackie
Hi Jackie-Angel,
I can only share my experience or re-uniting with my HP. I went back to the religion that I was raised, went to church a couple of times which I did enjoy at the time, but mostly pray at home now. I try to pray at least once a day no matter how short just a quick check-in with HP. I watch the odd religious-spiritual inspiring show to keep my faith alive. I try to practice loving my fellow man...a smile is the beginning of peace.
HP has a better plan for us than we can ever imagine. Pray boldly and just see what happens!
For me my HP is just a guiding hand, a friend, a power higher that myself with whom I give all of my trust.
I have learned many valuable lessons in this program by trusting all to my HP.
Sometimes I unburden myself to my HP in anger at the things I see going on in my life over which I have no control. These are the times that my HP will point me in the right direction to maintain my sanity in the midst of the situation.
Though life may not always seem "Fair" to me, it has been made more bearable by trusting in my HP to see me through each day. This is what Step 2 is all about. "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."
Because of my HP I can have peace in the midst of a situation that one year ago would have sent me over the edge. My situation has not improved much since then, but my outlook on it has. This has been made possible by my trust in my HP and this program. IT WORKS!!
Take Care, and Keep Coming Back!!
Love,
Claudia
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
Angel, In order to find our HP we need to be led to the tools of Al-Anon, you would find it immensely helpful if you purchased the AA book, which in AA or Al-anon they call it the big book. I'm sure you have heard of it. On page 86, second paragraph, "When we retire at nite " and second paragraph, " On awakening", middle of page to the 2nd paragraph page 87. This is a great meditation, I cannot tell you what this did for me, one of the first assignments from my sponsor. I still read it, in the morning and nite. The effect from an A is profound and can overwhelm us and cloud our minds. l Keep coming back. It works, if you work it. Luv, Bettina
I too can tell you right now that life has been hard and my health has been poor for many years and I have been blessed that a Cancer was cut out, giving me a second chance at life; and in that situation I for one do not beleive it right to give up on life lightly just because it may seem unfair. Instead my philosophy is why NOT me. Why must I think others should get the raw deals...can I learn from this "raw deal" and come through showing courage and strength and faith?
I have learned to appreciate so much more in life now, though it does not mean that I am always upbeat, the depression and the struggles still get to me and when they do, they get to me big time however, that is when I have to lean on my God, as I understand Him, who is my HP.
Believing in, or having a close relationship with God [who I repeat is MY HP] as I understand Him, or with the Higher Power that you will come to know and trust with faith that this will happen, does not mean that life is without trials, strife, unblemished health, or challenges, or even unfairness. It simply means that one has a unshakable belief that all will be well and that one will be able to get through whatever is put before one at that time.
The mystery of this is in the power itself, greater and wider and stronger than you might conceive and understand. It is so great that you know that you will NOT fall or collapse...the power is there holding you, reaching out for you, guiding you, however in order to come to terms with something of this magnitude one has to be outside the box, just as Jerry says.
The way forward for me was to look around me and ponder the things that I could not fathom, how the mountains came to be, how nature is so magnificent, and yes how no matter what happens to me night follows day, the sun rises and the moon sets and as Debilyn wrote the waterfalls in Oregon keep on flowing.
It takes time to get to know people and it is scary to enter a room full of people who seem to know each other so well...[though I am not lucky enough to have a meeting in my town or near enough to go to - it is the same if I walk into any room where others know each other and I am a new comer] , however, keep going, keep watching, keep listening, speak up when you can/feel it right to do so and as sure as "eggs is eggs", others will see, and hear and share and wonder and come to befriend you...some people just take time to reach out to a newcomer. Me, well if I was there I would have come to talk to you the first time you came 'cos I am like that; I notice new faces and because I am shy I try to ensure that newcomers don't walk away without at least me welcoming them for I know what it is like to go walk into a room, sit through a meeting and then just slip out without anyone actually approaching me and talking to me.
Even now, your HP is with you, is in control, knows your concerns, sees the whole picture, it is just that you have to find the power for yourself and feel the trust. No one can force this onto you...the discovery is part of the journey too.
Forgive me, this reply took longer than I had envisaged, it is not easy to write about this for me without putting my foot in it. My trust, my belief, my understanding has taken years to cultivate. For others it is not the case, yet that does not matter. What matters is that you find that belief and power and trust and hold tight...saying the Serenity Prayer and believing it in your heart may be the first step to discovery at this time, and as you get to know others and walk the steps and listen and lean into your gut feeling of what is right for you, you will find that wonder that is just waiting for you to embrace.
Keep on coming back, in the meantime, keeping you in my prayers, for there is a power just here in this family that can uphold you and embrace you. We are (((((((((((((((your)))))))))))))) family ((((((((((((((((angel66))))))))))))))))))) and that in itself is a power to reckon with...hmm, I could write a book so I had better stop.
Suzannah :heartt:
P.S. Just read my Courage to Change for today - and wanted to share a paragraph with you, so I quote:
"...By reaching out to help others in a healthy way, we move beyond our problems and learn to give unconditionally. Every moment can be an opportunity to serve, an opportunity to change our lives. Al-Anon offers us many good places to start - setting up chairs, welcoming newcomers, leading a meeting. When we discover that we really can make a positive contribution, many of us find that self-esteem has replaced self-pity."
Perhaps you will find as you keep on going to your meetings that you too will be giving and that will make such a difference to how you feel right now? You will find faith in yourself and strength and will then find that HP that you yearn to find. Keep on keeping on.
Just a belated thought.
-- Edited by Suzannah at 08:30, 2008-07-06
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
Hi Jackie, For me, my understanding continues to unfold. I was raised in a conservative religion that told me God was out there....up there.... in a high, faraway heaven.... someplace I'll "get to"....if I "earn" it. That religion was a start, but way too limiting for me. A HP seemed much bigger than that.
I now believe that my Higher Power is *in* Me (and inside all living things)....and I am reminded of that with every breath I take. It must be a HP...because I have no control over it! LOL
Just like you, I yearn to understand. Over the years, my sources of inspiration have been Gary Zukav, Marianne Williamson, Wayne Dyer, Esther and Jerry Hicks, Thich Nhat Hanh, Gurudev Chitrabhanu, Byron Katie and I am currently reading Eckhart Tolle.
Sometimes I call HP God... sometimes I call it The Universe.... or Divine Intelligence... Holy Spirit.... and now, The Great Mystery. (Thanks Jerry!) My sponsor often calls HP "The Boss!" I refer to HP as Light, Energy, Reality.... just can't put it in a box!!!
I especially feel connected to my HP when I am outdoors....especially at the Metropark near my house... where there are walking paths through the "woods." I love being in all that green... seeing the various shapes of leaves dancing in the wind.... the beautiful, vast sky overhead....and the woodland animals.... Then, I pass by the big lake....and see the sun-sparkles on the water... !!! All this beauty makes me feel blissful... it feels like heaven on earth.
When I make the effort to "be" with my HP.... whether it's through meditation... prayer... going into nature.... or being with honest people in a f2f meeting....I am there! I am in HP's presence! I would also say, that as I continue to do these things...and practice this program... my Life feels like heaven on earth. It just doesn't get any better than this....does it????!!
This exercise was good for me....because I don't know how to explain it...really. LOL I have appreciated the opportunity to look at it myself.
Brightest Blessings for your search ((((Jackie)))) Love, gladlee
-- Edited by glad lee at 11:14, 2008-07-06
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
What a great topic! Look what a discussion you helped open up. How do explain an HP or what it looks like? I havea sense for my HP. Someone hear said to be very still and listen. I have inner peace when I an listening to my HP. It is all good. I do not get neat people getting hardships and bad people getting off scot-free; keep asking and the answer will come.
What can I say...............You guys are all AMAZING ! (((((((((hugs))))))))) to all of you and Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have all touched some part of me with your generous replies and I have taken things from what you have all said and will ponder over the thoughts and help it lead me to my HP.
