The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This post is about my stinking thinking. I was recently in a situation where I was going on nothing- no good information about anything. I was operating in the dark. And when I am operating in the dark: where do I go? Into the insanity of my disease: stinking thinking!!! I begin to 1.) doubt, 2.) expect the worst, 3.) assume that everyone hates me, 4.) assume that I made some horrible mistake that no one will ever forgive me for, 5.) question myself, 6.) dream up all sorts of negative scenarios!! etc. etc etc ad nauseum!!!!
All of it: SO NOT TRUE! Not a single bit of it- not a shred!!
Sure enough, a couple of HOURS later, no problemo- I had dreamed up all sorts of trauma and drama (thank goodness for this program- I did not ACT, just sat on it all and "waited") all of it completely groundless. I had dreamed up so many difficulties and problems in my own distorted head of the disease, it was ridiculous. I had to laugh!
I have to stop, wait and see. I have to hold back. I have to shut up. I need to sit on my hands. I need to restrain myself. Thank god for this program for giving me some tools to do this and then laugh about it when it all turns out a-ok which it always does! HA! Hugs, J.
This program has taken away my impulsiveness. And replaced it with patience. What a gift. I was just talking about that last night after the meeting. The ability to wait. It is hard for me too. My impulse is to take whatever info I think I have and act on it NOW! I have learned to wait. Such a forgien concept to me. LOL!
Good stuff Jean! Good to hear that someone besides me has learned to wait and then laugh about it later! That is way better than having to remove my foot from parts unknown (mine and other peoples!!!)
Well Jean, I am going to have to disagree with your title for the topic. "It is always there...its not going to go away. 'cos I just seen it crushed by you...WELL DONE.
You see, I believe that as you progress along your path of recovery it will shrink and eventually it will NOT be there. The more confidence you have in YOU, the more PATIENCE you have, the more times you use your TOOLs from this programme...the more you will change and then suddenly you will realise that the stinking thinking has evaporated as you work on changing you.
I believe that this is one of the areas that each of us can work on to change and the more we change the less our stinking thinking will find it possible to exist within the environment of our minds for it will not be able to breathe being crushed by patience, sitting on hands, and laughter as we realise that it does NOT have the hold on us as we gain control of it and boot it out.
Hey you have changed so much and I already see that your stinking thinking is beginning to wane, look how long it lasted this time before you were able to LAUGH about it and dismiss it.
Sure proof that your stinking thinking is on its way OUT already. Not that it will disappear over night...it will try to worm its way back in your head at times, however it will be more quickly discharged the more you take control of IT.
Of course, Jean, this is only the way I see it and I will not be offended if you disagree. Great to hear that you controlled it on this occasion.
Suzannah
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
You know I agree with you so much. I am doing a fourth step and I can see how that when I rush into things I do not look for the signs that show me things can go wrong. I rush into all kinds of relationships (not just significant others) and then find I am in deep trouble. Then I have to extricate myself and generally I don't do that with grace (I am being brutally honest here). Not doing the drama rama route is pretty hard for me.
For me I slip and slide all over the place. Things get better in one area and I'm aware of another. I do not take care of myself (don't know how that much). I idealize situations and people then get bitterly disappointed.
Things do get better but underneath it for me there is a serious serious problem with codependency to deal with. Thank you for being so honest. I'd really like to say oh now the A is gone my life is better, it is, but underneath it is my codependency and that was there before the A and is still there now.
That's when I know that I should pick up the phone and call an Al-Anon friend, hit a meeting (whether it's Al-Anon or AA), get out of the house and do something physical to get me out of my head.
Hang in there andr remember, one day at a time. And if the day is going really badly, you can just start over!!
Yours in recovery,
SLS
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
my thoughts are that it took a lifetime to get where we are and changing our thought patterns is no easy task but luckily it doesn't take another lifetime. For me, changing my thoughts and the stinkin thinkin I had to make myself aware each and every time I could that I was doing it. When we stop it short, it begins to change those old thought patterns. Replacing the thoughts as quickly as possible with positive, encouraging thoughts doesn't allow the brain to go down the old road, changing the pattern. It also made me realize just how often I had negative thoughts, not just about me, but other people and things as well. When I took notice I was surprised at how often the old tapes played in my head. It really made me realize I didn't want to be that person. We not only have choice in changing our lives but we have choice in changing our thoughts as well. We tend to think we are what our brain tells us we are and have to react the way it is programmed to. Not so at all. We can change our brain's thoughts just as we change our minds about other things. By practicing the method of being aware, stopping, then replacing negative thoughts with opposite ones I am a much happier person. I probably saved myself years of therapy...lol I took the shortcut. I'm not one to disect or go back yrs to my childhood, relationships etc. to figure out the "why" of things anyhow. I'm more like "OK, that's past, what can I do NOW to move forward?" Just thought I'd share since you already did the "stop" part. Maybe you can attempt a change at the stinkin thinkin next time and see if it works for you too. Think of the happy time you can gain :)..I only wish I could have the time back I spent condemning myself and others. All that crappy thinking never once benefited me, no matter how much time I invested.
take care, Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Thanks for the great response, everyone. I am in a bit of a stinkin' spot but am observing it and asking questions of it, since I am here- why is this useful to me? How does this function in my life? I can see that its a removal point- its an isolation tactic so that when it happens I can know that something is up: what scared me? why? Why the move to isolate? All these bad things are really roadmaps to find out the deeper questions and levels so I can manage myself better. When I am in stink mode, when I shift into stink mode, I can trace it back like Hansel and Gretel and the breadcrumbs. What made me shift into the stink? I think this time it has to do with fear (of course!!HA!) of an upcoming meeting with someone.
I have a sweetheart in Hawaii and he is flying me in at the end of this month. It feels like there are a lot of expectations around this trip and I am working to manage this. He is not an A (thank god) but none of this is really anything about him, its about ME so I am keeping the focus right here- why am I freaked out? What are my expectations? Why do I have these expectations? Why am I trying to control this situation so much? What role does HP want me to play in this? What parts of this can I let go of to HP? Since I have seen the tremendous rewards of letting things go 100% to HP why is this so difficult right now with this particular situation? I like this man a lot but I am not totally crazy about him or anything. We are getting to know each other, etc. Its not like I am dying to impress him. But it is a step into a closer contact with intimacy, power relationships, money, etc. and it gives me the heebie jeebies because of my previous history. I am attending a lot of meetings and talking about it, its going to be OK but its good to talk here with all this wisdom in this room.
I love this program because its really a roadmap that I never got growing up. In addition to Al-anon, there are other roadmaps, too and I have a constellation that is really working for me that combines a variety of traditions. Hugs, J.
