The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
what a month of growth and gratitude for the al anon tools I have learned so far. Listen, think, my side of the street, say what I mean, let go & let God, embrace feelings, and prayers for all of you while I have been gone this month of June.
I had expected to spend the 2nd week of June at a cabin in Wisconsin with my AH & kids but due to emergency surgery for my elderly mother I flew to Michigan. As she recovered I left 4 days later to catch up with my family at the cabin. Mom took a turn for the worse so 4days later I tried to drive back to Michigan but got stuck in the Wisconsin flood waters and holed up in a motel for a day. Finally was able to drive north in Wisconsin and catch a car ferry. Difficult yet wonderful to spend a couple nights with mom before she died 6/16 and her memorial service was 6/28.
Didn't make sense to drive 2 days home and 2 days back so stayed to close down apartment with siblings. What a stressful time. In the last 2yrs we have lost dad, my sis's husband and now mom. But in all the clouds and unexpected changes to June, there was much to be grateful about.
I dealt with negative feelings re conflicts with siblings every night, morning prayer and hope for the high road of not getting dragged into the daily drama, standing up to anger addressed at me by stressed siblings, and most of all letting go and letting God guide me more every day. Missed my kids but daily communication with them and functioning AH assured me AH even stepped up to the plate. We communicated feelings and practical things better plus the loss gave all of us a different perspective. I messed up too but I did better walking away or saying lets think about this problem overnight and more able to apologize when I was emotional or unkind.
The Courage to Change readings were often about compassion for others and seemed to fit the issues of the day. I am so grateful for Al Anon and stronger to know I am going to be ok. No matter how old we are, we feel like orphans when parents are gone but knowing I can continue to learn more with al anon to increase my confidence, the support of al anon families and so much more - I am not so fearful of the future which is such a blessing that I credit Al Anon for also. I had to use the belief that the answers were inside me to deal with all the conflicts so my prayer life and faith even had growing pains too.
I will confess though that it all took a toll on my body and perhaps I still have lots more room than I think for more growth because I spent the last 24 hours soon after finally returning home, in the ER for observation of chest pains. After lots of the usual tests it was not related to my heart. Perhaps it was the most painful panic attack I've ever had as I finally let down from all I had been through. At least now I know my heart is good and I can start exercising safely. It is good to be home, it is good to have all the sorting, legal, financial things done and feel good that my mom was honored at her memorial service. Still a bit shellshocked from all the unexpected things in June but learned that one day at a time is the only way to go.
I have missed all of you here and will get caught up soon. Hoping things are going ok for each of you or at least like me, you are continuing to learn how much al anon can help us with all of the life events we all deal with. blessings & hugs, ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
(((ddub))) So sorry for your loss. Remember all the memories of your Mom are stored in a very safe place, in your heart, and no one can take them away from you. What a trying month. You gave much credit to Al-Anon, and all the tools you have learned in the program that helped you navagate the month of June. In reading your post I could not agree with you more. Most of us who have been in Al-Anon for any length of time know all the tools, can quote them in meetings, discuss them on this site, and try to apply them in our everyday lives. It is my opinion that Al-Anon had a good, loving, caring, and compassionate person that goes by the name (((ddub))) that had practiced using these tools on a regular basic. What an example you set for others to follow in simular or different situations. Your Mom I bet was so proud of you. She had every right to be. ((HUGS))) RLC
Awesome growth looking back from where you have come. You have grown much. I just know it was tough. I experienced those chest pains and still do from time to time. I now know to pay attention to what I've been doing and to stop it all and shut my system down until the chest cramping and radiating pains go away. I just never knew it was going to happen. I didn't think that I was pushing that hard and still I've learned that it is another symptom of the enabling character; store energy...don't let it out. You know what worked for me...my sponsor and that reminds me I've gotta get another. I need a more "here" sponsor. Where's my flashlight.
Happy you did so well and that you found out it's not your heart. Scarey with a happy ending.
(((((((((ddub)))))))) I am waving to you yet again as you streak out in front of me on that path of recovery that we are both travelling. You did so well, and handled so much and came up SMILING and with a win/win situation. Feel for you as you experienced the death of your mother, I know how that feels and it is such a HUGE event in one's life to accept and deal with...so I am sending you ((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) and more (((((((((hugs))))))))))))) for that.
As for the heart...yep I was rushed across London by blue light ambulance with suspected heart-attack only to be told it was probably stress and heart burn...the two conditions not being able to be distinguished without an ECG. Certainly slowed me down, I was so releived...however now I learn to recognise the stress/panic/over-doing it/heart-burn and slow down and re-assess my situations...don't want to experience that again if I can help it...SOOOOOOOO painful.
So well done you, we missed you too, although I was off the system for some time too - for technical realson though. all is well now though.
Suzannah
-- Edited by Suzannah at 06:23, 2008-07-02
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
What an adventure you had! You need a great big (((hug))), a bubble bath and a massage. Can you make that happen? You are a hero, a survivor and a great example to all of us here.
It is wonderful to read how you used the tools of the program "in all your affairs". Not an easy task for sure. Family, finances, gatherings, stress, details.... all while having to leave your other life behind for a while, and you still paused to apply your tools! Great job!
I am so sorry about the loss of your mom, and I celebrate that you could spend alone time with her to say goodbye. Given the setbacks of the weather and related chaos, the fact that you got back to Michigan was a quite a feat!
Glad your AH and kids did okay without you and that AH functioned and was able to step up to the plate. I'm sure they must have all missed you.
Now that it is all over, I hope you can continue to let yourself grieve for a while. Your heart hurts (uh.... yeah, you know that). I am glad you got checked out and are okay.
Yep, ddub, you are a strong woman and are going to be okay. Strange thing, even though I know I am really just starting to drop into the dark part of my life that I've been so afraid of, and I have no idea what is really going to happen, every so often now I glimpse on the belief that I really am going to be okay too.
Glad you are home safely. Make some time to enjoy...
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
What a tough month. How hard going. I have definitely been here with the sibling anger when my mother died. In some respects I am dealing with that stil there is so much denial in my family of origin.
I am impressed with your sense of peace, resilience and candor. I am also impressed with your acceptance. What a post! I am so much in resentment about being in one day at a time, maybe its a pure way of turning it over every day.
all is well now though. 
