The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As you all know I'm more than one year out from leaving the A. The issue for me is that there is still tremendous codpendency in me. I tend to try harder when people are obnoxious. I people please in my sleep. I catch myself doing it and the blame game and then get mad and lash out.
I don't think I know what a "healthy" interaction is. I know one sure sign is that I'm not exhausted around it. I grew up in a totally dysfunctional family.
There are some people I have to currently stay away from and I have to almost have my list of current goals tatooed on my hand to learn not to "fix" situations around me. Right now I am trying to "fix" me and I am like a blind person feeling my way around, I make lots of wrong turns and stumble and trip all the time.
One good thing is that when I find myself in a difficult situation for the most part I know I have to reach out. I do have boundaries but they are by no means perfected. I work on them with a therapist. I also work actively on a 4th step which really helps in looking at where this all came from.
Yet its all very new to me. I really do struggle with it.
So much for when I got rid of the A everything was going to be rosy. I'm starting over in more ways than one.
yes, you have come a long way, I need to tatoo a few people on my hands and feet too. I try to people please in my sleep also, but I know you are progressing, I have witnessed this progression and find you an inspiration, obnoxious people are everywhere and we just need to detach,
my pets of course create a great deal of fun for me daily. I work really hard on being 'there' for them. There is no doubt their life is better because of my recovery.
I struggle tremendously with my codependency perhaps that is a sign I am getting better because I see it now in ways I did not see it before.
