The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A long time ago a friend used this word. I asked about it. It is a major tool in my life. Putting myself in anothers place and thinking how that may feel.It has made me ever so much more humble and loving.
Used to be shy believe it or not. NO on really knew I played the role well I guess. But some thought my quietness was i thought i was better than others.
Honestly I did not care about being popular or whatever. Did the cheerleading thing becuz it was so much fun.Loved to be physical. Had friends,all kinds,even with this cool gal, Pennie who's teeth were green. as an adult they figure it out and she had beautiful teeth. so sad people missed out on such a neat gal.
I know loving my A's and having respect for the homeless people here is from reversies.I know how hard it is to be homeless and I have a home such as it is.
I cannot imagine riding a bike or walking being a using A with NO home. A lot of the time, the A does not feel well at all. with no home,no warmth or ability to cool down,geez where do they get water? Where do they sleep?
So I look at them and smile and say hi or whatever.One time this guy shook my hand so hard he strained my carpals! i was hunting for my stolen dog, they helped, though never found, they did their best looking.
I have seen my dear AH go from a super program, back up to money in the bank, a nice workvan, handsome again, hi morals, nice guy,super remodel contractor. Great, loving,caring, thoughtful husband and son in law, brother and friend, AND animal caretaker and rescuer.
To who he is now, or how he is now. shaking head, broken, dead heart, in debt again, no vehicles, no job, no spirituality,no honor,no morals,no wife to stroke his face and adore him,no dog to adore him either.Living in a situation becuz it is a using A's paradice, but being as miserable as anyone could be.
This is what reversies does for me. What makes me feel sad,not mad.NOt want revenge, but wish he would get well again and climb back up.
He told me if he relapsed he would not be able to get things together again. Did not have it in him.
I would give him my life to get well. but as we know, it does no good.
reversies is powerful.For me makes NO ONE any better or any worse than me. People don't even try to talk over me or put me down, or try to make me feel less than I am.they have NO power over me.
Used to run from conflict, now I just walk right in,mellow, listening for how that person really feels, what is the real issue?
Has happened here, and recently. I was shocked how it only made me sad for that person. To be so affected by just an issue.
anyway I invite you to use this skill and see what I mean, play reversies. it will change your life.
hugs,debilyn who would like to play reversies with someone who did not have a stupid migraine and torn ligaments...and a nice arnery husband...., and who can eat cheesecake, and and....lol smile
Debilyn...I have come to understand the meaning of the Great Commandment. I can hear others speak of the part of "loving others as you love yourself." Now there is a word for it...Reversies. I don't know if your sponsor or anyone in program ever told you that "you cannot love another unless you know how to love yourself." I was once asked do I know what it felt like to be loved by me. I felt a deep sadness and broken heart at that question because that is what I was trying to do and got sick and still I didn't know what it felt like to be loved by me. I did it all wrong, all the wrong way for the wrong reasons. "Reversies" If you don't mind...I will adopt that thought and language into my future. Simple and to the point.
Yep, I think "reversies" is a skill each of us must learn. Most of the time it is imperative to be able to put ourselves into another's place, so that we can begin to understand whence they come.
But...There are times when a person does something so incredibly stupid that attempting to jolt them back to sensible behavior makes it necessary to "tell it like it is." It's a fine line that has less to do with loving one's self than it has to do with caring about another enough to point out foolishness. Make them angry? That's ok as long as it makes them think. Make any sense?
I like the word, "reversies" and I shall add it to my budding vocabulary of original terms.
Much love, Diva
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
You are so right, judging another person is so very wrong, I have always beleived that we should accept each person for whom they are not what we or society preceive them to be.
The homelessness of this addiction is the sadest thing on earth to see, I also watched my husband go from a beautiful man who always provided well for himself and his family to no home and ultimately to his death.
Good post, the reminder that we are all human beings walking on this earth for such a short time is so very powerful.
The truth is some people just can not beat the disease of addiction. When my husband passed away last year my 16 yr old son said mom, at least he isn't suffering anymore I think God took him because dad just didn't have another battle in him..................
I'm with Suzannah, I feel a lot of times that reversies is what got me into trouble in the first place, too much empathy for the A. It's hard to find that balance between empathizing but keeping them accountable. I think it took a lot of hardening of my heart to the A to get better myself but I still wish him well and hope someday he figures it all out.
The last 2 posts have me thinking of detachment. For me, I can get too emotionally involved with people, trying to help. I've gotten way too enmeshed in the past.
Someone gave me this advice once.... it's okay to throw someone a line, but don't jump in the water with them.
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
yes Jerry I completely agree.I learned to love the me the creator gave me when I went back to college in my forties.
Was told once when we love ourselves,we are not critical of others.Which I find true.
Diva I completely agree,presenting it can be tricky but sometimes we do have to put it out there. It can show how much we care. If someone is standing on a cliff and we see the rocks crumbling,would sure be a good idea to givem more than a clue,eh?
Andrea, makes me so sad you lost your husband to this horrible disease and your child lost his father. You are surely still deep in mourning. Mine will have been gone 27 years July 18th. I still dream about him,miss him.
Susannah, I agree with the not losing yourself in the process. For me however, I could not really use this skill until I had matured a whole lot in alanon and living skills.
Could not play reversies until I really knew me.
Carolina for me empathy and reversies are two different things. They are for me anyway. Reversies for me is the facts of the situation sinking in. No emotion about it.
Ex: A lost everything,A has a horrible disease with no cure,feels guilt all the time, etc.However knowing it is not my issue,nor can I fix it.
I sure appreciate the fact how most all of us are empathetic to the point of damage to ourselves!!
Glad lee,yes that is sure true eh? I sure did that,believed it was my responsibility as a wife,plus always thought he would "snap out of it." yea right.
I learned though he knows where he is, is not ignorant to any of it, is not ignorant as to how to get a handle on it, he cannot just say,well I guess I won't be an addict anymore.
He is horribly aware of that lifeline but has no strength to grab it anymore. The last stage of addiction is so horrible. It can go on for years. Dieing and feeling awful for years....
Anyway sure loved the comments.oh I do know too, for me I cannot always use this skill as I have NO idea of the situation. u no?
smile
