How to "Let Go and Let God" - Al-Anon Family Group

meagain · Veteran Member

How to "Let Go and Let God"

glad lee · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear ((((Meagain,))))
I have no experience with my children behaving this way.
However, I do know what it is like to be angry with my HP for not making things go the way I believe they should go.

My experience is....My life is a spiritual learning experience.  Before I came to al-anon, I was in so much pain, that I wanted my life to end.  Once I became committed to the program,  I decided to surrender to powerlessness....to believe there was another way to live my life (the 12 steps) ... And to leave outcomes to God.  There's a story in our literature... it says HP used the A as an "instrument" for me to finally get to HP.... This is exactly what has happened for me... during the most painful period of my life.

I no longer feel the intense anxiety that you describe, but I did at one time.   I threw out my anti-anxiety meds a while ago. In the program, I learned that I must replace my fear with faith. (Jerry posted about these opposites.) My sponsor tells me to "just practice it... Practice trusting God."

Today, I found my own thoughts going back to why life had to be like this. I caught myself and said (of my husband) "I release you to the Holy Spirit...." over and over...until the obsession left me. Then I was able to have a lovely walk at the park.  (something I LOVE to do.)

I like what you said about playing God. That is a good reminder for me.  We cannot possibly know the Divine wisdom involved.

Take deeeep cleansing breaths. Put your energy into taking care of YOURSELF instead. Choose to surrender to your HP's will. This must be God's will, or it would not be happening. Stay in powerlessness so that you don't make yourself feel so sick....fighting something you cannot control.

Try to be still. Be still. For me, that is the only way to get with my Higher Power.

((((hugs))))

Andrea12 · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((((((Meagain)))))),

I am sending you prayers and hugs. I am sure your heart is breaking, g-kids are the best thing to ever happen to a g-ma.

I can only think, be patient this to shall pass. Any kind of addiction is hell for all of us to live thru. Give yourself a break, your son will come around, we all need our moms.

Andrea

nmike · ~*Service Worker*~

meagain,

Just found out that my new grandbaby is moving to a different state far, far away. I have to boundary my heart because this is the first gb for me. I do not understand the mother's thinking. I know that I must absolutely trust my HP on this one.

In support,
Nancy

debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I am so sad for you my dear friend.

My grandson is 12 now.I have nots seen him since he was 4 or so.

I dragged myself thru the one day at a time. I pictured him in the creators/hp for me, hands.

Got busy, learned to plant my flowers alone, when I thought of him, prayed to hp.

Over the years I have gotten used to him being gone. I still do mourn him at times.I told myself someday he will come back to me.

This stuff is horrible. To want/need to love our family and not being able to.What happened to we love each other unconditionally? We don't have to agree,we may even scrap some,but we would never think of abandoning each other.

I suppose we get busy in our own passions. We stay open to other kids. I was blessed with a tenant with a very cute little girl.She is amazing!! Fills my heart and my life.

It is a wound Meagan, like any other it must heal.It will take the time it takes.

Treating yourself kindly will help you heal. Do things for you,simple things.
Keep coming and venting here.

Lotsa love here, that is what heals us.love,debilyn

joyoma · Veteran Member

Meagain, I feel your pain with each post. I, too, have experienced grief and anxiety and pain with my son and his EX and the center, the grandbaby. Perhaps you need to think about this in terms of your DIL.

Perhaps your son is not the one rejecting you and your efforts...somehow that makes it harder to accept that your own flesh and blood could be so heartless as to cut you off from the kids. Perhaps your son is like so many men and must not take a stand against his wife. That is to be expected. I think it is much harder to be the mother of a son than of a daughter. My experience anyway. I have found the role of mother-in-law to be absolutely the hardest place ever to be. We are maligned from many points of view in media, made the brunt of jokes, etc. Unfortunate but so true.

At this point the less you do the better, I think. Try hard to get yourself busy with other things and avoid constant attempts with communication with them. I am not quite understanding the whys of this other than your first posts were about the potential split of the two of them and how you somehow got involved and then got turned on. Right? How is any addiction involved in this? If any, does that complicate the situation in more depth?

Prayers for some kind of resolution. I know how it feels to love your grandchildren. Time will surely make an eventual difference.

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

I know for me personally when its unbearable I have to detach. To do otherwise is to make myself ill.

Of course I would like to make your situation better. I'd done that all my life these days I can't anymore. I can't will anyone to change but can only change myself. I do know personally I am no longer wiling to accept really bad behavior, did for years, now I am not. Sometimes my attitude and expectations have to change. When I expect little I am not as disappointed.

Chaos is a way of life for an alcoholic, accepting that has been so so key for me. I accept they live, eat and breathe chaos.

Maresie.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.