The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have again had my belief in wise sayings validated. I've been around Al-Anon and AA for sometime and have seen lots of mysterious stuff. As I have related I was born and raised in this disease and know that it has affected lots of generations before me both as consumers and "director/managers" (Al-Anon). I've done a good part of my history up until present time and then after this mornings AA By the Bay meeting I chose to speak with a newcomer who "just happened" to be from a later generation and another branch of the family; a cousin from the same island I was born and raised on. The chances get better I sometime think that we will all find the door out. Last months my younger brother mentioned (unsolicited) in an unrelated phone call that, "They are all sober." Go figure...didn't even ask and didn't even expand on it. He thought it was important...so it was.
"Jerry F if you kill your expectations if things don't go your way you won't be hurt and if they do you will be pleasantly surprised." Taught by a wise old sponsor around the 80ies.
So that is let go and let God. Some find their way and some don't. I was out with my class this weekend. Three different students brought up alcoholism (unsolicited by me). It was interesting to hear them talk about the affect on their lives and their own way of handling it ie not coming from Alanon. Any way you can get it is good.
I can't imagine living my life without expectations. I believe you have to really work to connect with your HP, too pray is to have expectations, goals and have your prayers answered, not exactly when you want them answered, but definitely have answered prayers, its possible. Luv, Bettina
Thanks for the feedback family...Nancy and Deb your programs are showing. I'm grateful as a student, a watcher and listener of you both. Bettina I was at that place also and came to understand what I understand and live on today. I could never out run my Higher Power and asking HP to fulfill my will left me jaded and rejected. Who was God after all...me or He? I was praying for the wrong thing and then changed my prayer asking for wisdom and courage to do His will and expressing the gratitude when the opportunity came. I never knew what was good for me...never. I thought I did. I wanted all sorts of happinesses...all of it and to my HP I must have appeared as a spoiled child demanding and tanturming when I didn't get what I thought I just deserved just like a spoiled child looks like to me. You know what that appears like. That was me. I tried all the wrong things to arrive at happiness and I tried to get God, my HP to grant me happiness thru all the wrong things; my expectations. I got frustrated with God and walked away not knowing that no one can ever walk away from their creator...God walked with me. Ever read the poem, "Footsteps in the Sand"? That is the belief I came to in this program.
My prayers get answered though today little of them are request for something for myself. I already have happiness and peace of mind and serenity. The material stuff I came to believe had nothing to do with peace of mind and serenity. I had money...I spent it on things...no happiness; I was in the grips of a life threatening disease. I had 2 dollars left in my pocket after paying my bills and my sponsor directs me to give it to someone more needy than I and I did and I felt happy. My prayers get answered HPs way. I no longer care how HP does it I continuely arrive back at peace of mind and soul and happi- ness. A spiritual program. Today prayers for my understanding are mostly quiet conversations with HP...sometimes I get loud...everyone here knows that I can get long and still I don't ask for much other than to be an instrument of HP's will and to be directed. I pray for alcoholics and their families and that they find the doors of recovery; after all I am an enabler with a believe today that only a power greater than myself can accomplish what I have tried to do with sheer will power. I pray for my character defects to be lifted and not harm anyone anymore. I pray for people I don't like and for more understanding and opportunities to give grace and practice mercy. I express gratitude alot in my prayers. Some of my prayers have been answered just short of a fireworks display and others have evolved so quietly that I often think they were there all the while and I just failed to notice it.
When I kill my expectations I am putting my entire self and life within the palms and control of my HP leaving the entire process and time and outcome up to Him/Her...(Great Mystery). One of the miracles that is a result of that practice is freedom.
You spoke my thoughts and feelings and beliefs that I had in the first 5 - 10 years of this program. I started to pray just to do the will of my HP and one of the first results was that I was lead also to the door of AA thru a process that was only HP directed and beyond my own imagination but fully aware that I was being directed. I never suspected that I needed to be in AA only HP knew.
Keep keeping an open mind in this program. Go to meetings and listen without judgment or disbelief. Pull others to the side and ask them about what they understand that you have problems with and ask them how they practice their program. I doubt that anyone in the Al-Anon Family Groups will deny you the time and help. To do that would mean that we had lost our willingness to love.
I love your closing thought. I also believe "Its Possible".
I learn so much from your posts, Jerry... (I'm running out of printer ink!!!)
My quick thought about Bettina's post....the clarity I have about expectations and praying... when I pray for something....like *serenity* for example.... I leave the HOW up to my HP. Which is different than praying for God to give me serenity by saving my marriage....in which I was directing God... Asking for MY WILL to be done, not God's.
God did answer my prayer. God did bring me serenity. By removing my crazy husband from my life. Thas wasn't my will. However, I now know.... how lovely.... and quiet....and peaceful.... life can be. I can breathe.....
Praise to a Power greater than myself!!
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Again Jerry, so thought invoking, so right on for me at this time especially when arriving at acceptance on a major issue that has imprisoned me for years. Everything is possible once one has committed to "your will, not mine, Lord".
Yes, I can relate and I have done that, expected and then got hurt more times than I care to remember if the truth be known; I do not expect as I did before and I don't get hurt the same. One step at a time I guess, and then it is necessary for me to keep on repeating the exercise of NOT EXPECTING anything so when something is given then it is a blessing and a bonus, and when nothing is given it is NOT DEVASTATING and SOUL DESTROYING.
I too can ALWAYS find someone more needy than me and I can give and care and love and share...not a problem...and again and again I have found that IF I seek God's will and attempt to do it, then God WILL honour me and help me and show me how to get through it.
What is so wonderful is the freedom in getting out of the "me thinking"...and changing to the "we thinking" and by that I mean, let God do the thinking and let me accept HIS thinking the way forward on every single score.
Most of the time I am on the "we [God] thinking path, however, like the errant or inquisitive child, I find myself wandering off that path and getting myself in deep water as I slip into the "me thinking"...however, if I stop and call out God usually comes to find me or sends someone on His behalf to bring me back to the straight and narrow where He begins to lead once more and I start practicing the "we thinking".
Thank you Jerry, just found the way home again...divinely inspired by you on God's behalf I am sure.
Blessings and much more.
Suzannah
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
