"The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking."

That is his choice to either start his sobriety date over, or not.

Personally I have to work a rigorously honest program, and that included starting over when I drank again after 4 years sober.

My oldest alcoholic daughter, on the other hand, considers herself 'sober' even when she's abusing prescription meds. She does not participate in any formal program such as AA, though she's been exposed to it since the age of eight.

I have known a hand full of  people over the years in AA who decided not to  disclose they had drank again, and kept  their  original  sobriety date, and it didn't  work very well for any of them.

For me, regardless of whether it's AA or Alanon, I have to remain honest.

It's difficult for me to see someone being dishonest, but then I have to remember I can't change others, and just need to stay with my own program of recovery today

Aloha Stormie!!

What great ESH you have received in return for your post.  My experience (just
 a little) is that the ego and pride are huge hurdles to deal with in recovery in
any 12 step, spiritual program.  There seems to be a focus on time rather than
on depth of recovery.  You will meet all kinds and hear many different
"personal" views and that is what makes us so special.  This remains a spiritual
program first and formost and I need all the information on honesty and
humility regarding my sobriety.   I fight, mostly myself (pride and ego), when
working an honest program.  I hold myself to rigiorous honesty.  I am no
longer concerned about anyones judgement of my recovery...what they think
and  have to say is none of my business.  I never let a drunk take power over
me when I was drinking and that still goes for today.  Only my HP has the
power and then it's my turn to follow HP's will.   I have sponsees who have
relapsed (returned to mind and mood altering chemicals)  I myself got re
affected by prescription drugs (not my drug of choice) what I tell the ones
who have had their emotions twisted by a return to using is that the return
does not erase all that they had learned and done before it.  One of our
members has had 3 relapses over the last 7+ years and is now back in
doing what he learned before in a much more useable way.  I can tell and
most other long term recovering alcoholics can tell what a humble
submission to HP and the program looks like and sound like.  It's very very
noticible when the pride and ego have died and left and the soft spirit of
cooperation with God and the program arrives to seek permanent residency.

I use to look for technical accuracy and ridgid honesty until I learned to
stop judging and taking score.  I ask my sponsor and then reminded myself
the only recovery I walk to is my own and my own motivations and behaviors.
When HP ask me how I am doing no other name comes up in that question?
My HP uses no one elses recovery as a measuring stick or justification for me
not doing the best I can with what I have.

Fear of being less than and rejected; fear of not measuring up is poison for
the alcoholic.  Having that fear replaced by the Faith that no matter what...
I am okay and will continue to be okay even during a slip or relapse or a
"little one" or whatever.  I need not fear coming back and being honest.  When
and if that fear ever overtakes me again...I will struggle to keep coming back
against taking my bruised pride and ego and self pity and staying out. 

Your husband has to work this program like everyone else...one day at a time
as suggest.  During that time he will further arrive at a permanent definition of
honest that he will continue to life by.  In the mean time the Al-Anon Program
tells me that all other people should be loved;  completely and totally accepted
for exactly who they are.  That is my business...that is my recovery.

In recovery it is the total sum of the days spent outside of the influence of 
alcohol and inside the influence of Al-Anon/AA.  He has learned.  He has
changed.  Applaud his work and go about your own.

(((((hugs)))))

-- Edited by Jerry F at 17:47, 2008-06-29

((((Stormie))))),

I can remember A when he was sober and he counted the days.  We use to "celebrate" his month anniversaries, the same way AA would.  I did get him a special coin when he hit his first year anniversary. Then he got very cocky about it and relapsed.  I thought I was being loving and supportive of him.  I'm not sure though.  Now he has sober time on and off.  He no longer works his AA program like he use to.   But that's up tp him.   He keeps saying he wants to get healthier before he goes back to it.  I can understand that.  Then again, when you're sick, why not go? That's his choice.  His recovery is up to him.   I no longer count the days, and neither does he.  I think what's more important is that he realizes he can't get sober and stay sober without AA.  He needs the honesty of the program to keep him on track.  He is not one of those rare people who can do this without a program.  Hopefully he'll get that. Meanwhile, I've turned him over to his HP and let them take it from there.  I wish you both luck and strength on your recoveries.  The best thing you can do for him, is to work your own recovery.  A very wise member once told me that.  Love and blessings to you and your family.

Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty