The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Friday was his first sober birthday. It was wonderful to watch him receive his one year medallion and to hear the speaker's story and to feel the love of all the sober alcoholic's in one room. And for me it was bittersweet. My dad is an active alcoholic. While we were standing shoulder to shoulder and hand in hand at the end of the meeting to say the Lord's Prayer, I became very sad and started to tear up. One thing they say before the prayer starts is something about having a moment of silence for the alcoholic out there who is still suffering. THAT is what made me really think about my dad. The hall was full of sober people. Sober Alcoholics. Sober Alcoholics who had found thier way to those rooms and who had found thier way to all that love and support of the program. My dad will never know that kind of love and support because he will never attend a meeting to become and stay sober. He will never admit he has a problem. And he will die from this disease. It killed his father and it will kill him too. And there is nothing I can do about it. Michael said to talk to him and tell him how I felt. I said why? It's not going to make him go to a meeting. Or make him realize what's going to happen to him. He said, yes but it might make YOU feel better. (I haven't called and probably won't)
All I can say is "never say never". You can't base your recovery on whether your dad ever finds his, but there is no need to give up hope, either. You can't see into your dad's heart, and tell how close or how far he is from hitting his bottom.
My husband went into rehab because he felt he had no choice; it was to keep his job. Going by what he SAID, I had no idea of it ending his drinking. Almost his last words before leaving were "I'm not going to join AA or quit drinking, but a little break won't hurt me". He never took another drink.
Congratulations to your husband! That is wonderful. I hope he has many, many more "birthdays."
Now, about your father. . . . like the other poster wrote "never say never." I said never too regarding my husband. I never thought he'd admit he had a problem, nor go to a 30-day rehab. However, he did. I was certain that he would never make it 30 days in a rehab that embraces the 12 steps. I remember when he called me on his third day in rehab and asked me: "Do you know this is nothing but a 24/7 AA meeting?"
After that call, I had expected him home as soon as he could hitch a ride. (He would have had to hitch a ride because none of us would have gone to get him out.)
Anyway, I know the hopeless feeling that you have towards your father's drinking. It is my hope that you will be very pleasantly surprised someday that he has had enough of alcohol and its effects and does something about it.
Congratulations!!! You must be very happy for your A and proud of yourself too. How was it for you that first year of sobriety. I would like to know because this is the first time that my A has been sober for 16 days. Was it difficult for you in the beginning because its such a change in their personality. Its an adjustment for me, even though I am still on the program and not reacting, I find myself being quiet also. Maybe, when you have time and feel like it you can share some of your experiences regarding his first year of sobriety. Again, congrats. Luv, Bettina
Special special special for your alcoholic...such a milestone and I pray he continues on accumlating one days' at a time. That's all he has. When they accumulate into years I hope that lots of newbies will want to fall in behind him and want to know "how'd you do it?" If he hasn't already he will find a pressing need to work the 12th step. Awesome for those alcoholics who don't know he exists and pray for the help to quit drinking and using themselves cause HP can arrange the meeting.
I also see more of the picture and part of that has Jen in it. I hope you never downplay your own recovery or compare it to what he has done. Don't discount what you have been thru, what you have learned and how you are living today one day at a time.
I will smile and feel elated at the notice of your anniversary!!
My younger sister is an alcoholic and the subject is the elephant in the living room between us. I do not share with her how I feel because she cannot hear it. I do share those feelings with a counselor and others. I think personally it is worthwhile to share those feelings and try to resolve them. I do know personally the heartbreak of wanting someone to be sober and they are not.
I have known many people who sucumbed to alcholism. What I am looking is now is that I also know people who sucumb to codependency. We think we are so strong and invulnerable when in fact that disease takes a tremendous toll on ourselves.
Being in recovery is hard going for both the alcoholic and the codependent. I no longer think about recovery as something an A needs to do it is something I absolutely must do.
