The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had tried to send this via private message a long time ago but it did not go through, I have had some trouble with sending intracomputer notes and usually have to cut and paste the email on my own email. I think it has something to do with my security computer system maybe? anyhoo below is the message from maybe even a month ago?
Hi Jen, Thanks, you are right and I wondered if I had been to hard on her. I was seeing a therapist who told me the same thing about me attitude toward my sisters kids. My therapist told me directly that if I was a stressor I would undoubtedly be unwelcome. I was kind of shocked because I thought I knew best. I will refrain from giving advise this way or if I venture it I will be very soft. Best Regards, junehouse
__________________
One must always do what one thinks can not be done.
-Eleanor Roosevelt-
Junehouse, I'm glad you got the message to me. I know how you feel, too. I often wonder if I have said too much or gone too far with something. It just takes practice, practice, practice. Knowing when to say what is hard, sometimes. I do find that when I watch other peoples reactions it can give me a clue, but I have to watch thier reactions to others, too. Not just me. If they react extremely to my sharing and not everyone elses, then MAYBE I have a problem. If they react badly to everyone, then it's probably not me. Does that make sense? Other peoples reactions are not my problem, but can be used as a clue to personal growth.
Anyway, I'm glad to finally hear from you after all that trying. Sometimes computers are so aggravating. LOL
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
You are nice and you are trying to gently point out to me that I went too far. I had to pay a therapist to hear that others peoples kids are basically none of my business because of the repsonsibility and expense. No one was ever direct with me nor did I express my opinions enough to get any feedback what I thought about my sisters kids with my friends.
Parenting is really time consuming, particularily single parenting, and hard to be a parent and when I hear someone who is unsupportive of a mother for likely unexamined motives of anger, and maybeee possible believing their values are better etc., I do see myself in that person. So yes I did see a past self in that person.
And so I responded like my therapist did to me. But not everyone wants to hear that I certainly didn't at the time. So I already knew that the reaction would not be positive. Nor was mine at the time. But I came around. Yes, I agree that it might have been too hard to hear. I really was telling my own experience. But I went to far when going on about being a stressor.
I stopped being miss know it all with my sisters kids and have long stopped any covert managing, I believe they have a good mother and I am not her. Christine
__________________
One must always do what one thinks can not be done.
-Eleanor Roosevelt-
