Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> The opposites
Post Info TOPIC: The opposites
Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 13696
Date:
The opposites
Permalink  

Aloha Family!!

I was asked in a PM to take the subject of "doing the opposites" out a bit
further or to expand on what I had mentioned in a reply to a post earlier.
In that post I had mentioned that I had learned "the opposites" from working
with help from the program, sponsor and my then counselor.  The opposite
I was talking about was Faith instead of fear.  I was more fear based than I
am today.  Fear was the greatest emotional character defect I had and my life
was over because of it.  Fear permeated every minute of every hour of every
day even as I work this program.  In a conversation with my sponsor about
how deep my fear was and how I hated being so fearful he told me that if
I hated it so much and it brought me so much pain that maybe feeling the
opposite of it would bring me the opposite consequences.  That sounded sooo
simple as things do when they come from a sponsor who has more time in and
more program.  I asked him what his idea of the opposite of fear was and he
replied, "faith."  It didn't make too much sense to me at that time but as I
meditated on it and asked others for feedback I came to the realization that
if I had the faith that I would be okay and perfectly secure and serene regard
less of what could befall me then fear would not have such a grip on my life
mind and spirit.  That is exactly what came about.  I have been blessed at
having fear eliminated from my life.  No doubt at all...I am fine and will
continue to be fine and loved and accepted by my HP no matter what happens
in the rest of my life.  I already have had several real life experiences for proof
for me and for others.

So that worked!!  how about the other negative emotions that I let control
my thinking and behaving and attempting to lead me back into the door
of fear?  I was at a Friday Night Candlelight meeting of Al-Anon and was
going to bring up the subject just for me for that night.   Just before they
turned off the lights to turn on the candles I looked above the entry and
saw a sign that said, "If you are feeling angry...try acceptance.   If you are
feeling frustrated...try patience.  If you are feeling envy...try gratitude."  There
might have been another or more and the list might have been different than
I remember now and what I was looking for were positive feelings that would
lead me to happiness and joy....no matter what instead of fear, dread, sadness
envy, anger, hate, rage, frustration etc.   There search was on for me.  I felt
that my HP wanted me free of fear and all the other negative feelings because
they were coming in the way between HP and my relationship...and they were.

I was at an Alateen conference as a sponsor (do that service and you will be
blessed forever) and thought and worries about my alcoholic were etching a
face of dread right over my own.  A female Alateen member saw the look and
being a teen asked me, "What's up Jerry F.  You look soooo sad."  I replied
that I wasn't feeling too happy at which she replied, "Don't you know Jerry F
that happiness is an inside job?  I must have been the perfect receptor for
that one at that time because her attitude and awareness is till mine.  Is there
an opposite for happiness?...sadness? depression? self pity? maybe all of those
and now I know where it lives and that I choose on a daily basis to have it
inside me at all times regardless of what else is happening.

What is the opposite of procrastination?...promptness.  The opposite of rage?
peacefulness.  The opposite of self pity?...self acceptance and love.  The
opposite of confusion...simplicity.  The opposite of unmet expectations is...
grace giving.  There are more.

If your negative emotions are causing you pain you can't stand and don't
like at all in any way would it not be a value for you to the find the opposite
to practice.  The negative consequences go away and you will arrive at that
promised place of peace of mind and serenity.  Make it a mind set and then
work to turn it into your own character and then build on it every day.

See how close you can get to your Higher Power when you get the negative
useless emotions out of your life and behaviors.

I learned that I was a very sick man when I use to use and let negative feelings
and behaviors have power and meaning in my life.  "Most people Jerry F work
at feeling healthy rather than feeling sick!"  Self talk from the 1980's sometime.
Mahalo Nui for all the love, care and patience the family used to nurture me
back to health and I am still awed at how smart you all are.

Yours in Love and Service...(((((Hugs)))))smile

__________________
debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3131
Date:
Permalink  

this is a lovely, wonderful share jerry. thank you.

I never thought about how when I felt fear, I was not being faithful until a year or so ago.

So many things we can get out of alanon. I like, for me, expectations to unconditional love. I have to add, I may  hate the behavior, but I love the person.

Not expecting anything from anyone is very freeing for me.

I agree about the working with teens. Especially ones at risk. They taught me so very much. More than they ever meant to. I learned that most people are really scared, and unsure. When we think someone has it all togethere it is a fantasy.

anyway I loved  your share. love and hugs,debilyn

__________________

"If wishes were wings,piggys would fly."
<(*@*)>
CJ


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 757
Date:
Permalink  

(((Jerry F)))

Mahalo.  I feel much humbleness at the moment.  This post has me thinking about my attitudes in a very different light... perhaps it is the shot-in-the-arm I needed for the "next" leg of my path.  It is profound and I am shocked to have not heard or read of the opposites... again, makes me wonder what else that I have still yet to discover. 

Thank you for being here, my friend, walking with us and sharing your experience, strength and hope.

with love and hope,
cj

__________________
time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
Karilynn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3656
Date:
Permalink  

((((((Jerry F))))),

Once again you have given pause for thought.  I have printed that out to keep in my MIP/Alanon binder.  I am having such struggles at work, nothing but negative feelings.  It's been driving me crazy! frustrated.gif  I have been trying to applymy Alanon skills but losing ground there.   I am usually always the upbeat, positive and happy one at work no matter what.  Ironically enough, I'm not having any trouble using my tools when it comes to my A. Hmm..... confuse.gif


Me thinks I need to take this copy into work and remind myself of it when things get bad.  Thank you for being a part of this family.  I can always look forward to learning and growing from you.  I hope to repay the same to you some day. I am feeling much better today about facing work.  Much love and blessings to you and your family.  Have a glorious Sunday. 

Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty sun.gif



-- Edited by Karilynn at 06:52, 2008-06-29

__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Peggy7


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 653
Date:
Permalink  

Jerry, Thank you.

__________________
RLC


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1483
Date:
Permalink  

(((JerryF))) Some people are (((huggers))). Some people are (((shakers))). Since I am both, I will (((shake))) your hand, and give you a (((hug))). You deserve both for that share. I could go on, but how about Just a simple, THANKS. RLC

__________________

glad


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 687
Date:
Permalink  

I have been thinking/ feeling lately negative feelings. I know where some of it comes from but this post made me think Okay... so there are legitimate reasons for me to feel this way but What can I change about me, my behaviors or my thinking to make it better because I can't change anyone elses.
Thank you Jerry!

__________________
laurab


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 190
Date:
Permalink  

Franklin D. Roosevelt's Inaugural Address-March 4, 1933

President Hoover, Mr. Chief Justice, my friends: This is a day of national consecration, and I am certain that my fellow Americans expect that on my induction into the Presidency I will address them with a candor and a decision which the present situation of our nation impels.

This is pre-eminently the time to speak the truth, the whole truth, frankly and boldly. Nor need we shrink from honestly facing conditions in our country today. This great nation will endure as it has endured, will revive and will prosper.

So first of all let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear. . .is fear itself. . . nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.

http://www.hpol.org/fdr/inaug/

Laura

__________________
Jean4444


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1917
Date:
Permalink  

What a great post Jerry. Gee, I love it when you post! You have a way of putting things that makes so much good sense. I am really grateful that u r a part of my recovery thru this board! hugs and much aloha, J.

__________________
thinkstoomuch


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 470
Date:
Permalink  

Wow, Jerry.

Wow, wow, wow.

Thank you.

__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> The opposites