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I am new to this board - I have read a few posts and love the way people share and support each other... I found this week that my son, age 16, has been using drugs for quite some time and it was right under my nose. I found an ADD drug all crushed up and ready to snort in his pocket while I was doing laundry. When confronted he admitted to stealing my morphine and percoset that I have by prescription for fibromyalgia pain and his younger sister's prescription codeine. He also produced codeine tablets from his bedroom. He has used a few other drugs he listed while we were talking. He claims to use up to 3 times a week, before school and weekends and has his own dealer on speeddial. I erased the speeddial, took away his bank card, searched his room (where I found alot of aerosol cans but he says he doesnt sniff anything). I locked up all the alcohol because he drinks too. He hit bottom (he says) when he ssaw his little sister crying and in pain when she had no meds left. He had to carry her to the car because the pain was so bad she couldnt walk. He is so ashamed of himself. I wonder - has he really hit bottom and ready to quit as he says or is this just a low point for him? I dont know what else to do. I gave him the Narcotics Anonymous site for theironline meetings and he went to one last night but I dont know what he got out of it, He has posted on their message board and is trying to get support.. I took him to a counselling agency here in town but they cant see him until July 22. It will be a long wait. He says he can quit. wants to quit. has admitted that he is a drug addict. I dont know what else to do to help him. I feel like overnight I have become a police officer, security guard and prisoner in my own home, as well as a failure as a mother. If only love was enough to get him through this.
What else to do ? please find yurself a meeting and quick it is the best way to support our a's learn all u can about this disease and how we can help the right way . If u can find a Naranon meeting great (call a local treatment centre theywill tell uwhere to find one in your area ) if they don't have one call the al anon international toll free number and find a meeting for you 1-888-4alanon . they will give u a contact number for your area .' Your son needs support too a treatment centre will also be able to help u find a narcotics anonymous meeting for him . once u both find people to talk to the faster things will improve . on line is great but u miss so much of the program by not going in person make new friends etc and sometimes we need support with skin on em , putor hugs are kinda cold . Good luck Louise we have a chat room on this site too where alot of parents will share with you about thier experiences - hope to see u there ,,
Maybe there are other members who are experienced with teen addiction, there is also Narcanon for you the parents. Don't forget you are still his parent and he lives in your home, so you have some power over him the son, over the addiction thats another story. My brother's son starting using drugs at 16, that's a tough age, My brother took the tough approach, being the tough Italian that he is and he was on my nephew's ass and never relented, he had his grades and homework faxed to the house every day, very in touch with his school, wanted to know if he skipped, and my brother and his wife were divorced at the time. From the time my nephew would leave school, my brother would be there to pick him up, everyday. I know my brother couldnt no where his son was every minute, but it was pretty close. He got to know who his friends were and where he hung out, it took two years to get him thru highschool and now he is 22, with a wife and new baby and doesnt even desire to drink or do drugs. So, Is there a male figure in the house.? It takes diligence and I think tough love. My opinion only.......Luv, Bettina
No I am a single mom - his dad is trying to be involved and help support him too and beon the same page but its hard when my son lives in two households. Everyone is talking about Narcanon but we dont have that where I live.
First of all, substances like morphine (I have fibromyalgia and cannot even imagine taking morphine) and percoset, (that either), and yes, even little sister's prescription codeine (what's that for?) all ought to be carefully and safely locked away. No excuse for putting these things within reach of anyone!
Controversy surrounds the use of opiates in treating chronic pain for many reasons, one of which is the potential for misuse and addiction, strict federal regulations, and potentially dangerous side effects.
Bank card????
This 16 year-old needs far more than a website pointed out to him!!! He is in dangerous trouble if all you say is true.
I am afraid I have no other comment to offer on this situation.
Diva
-- Edited by Diva at 18:24, 2008-06-27
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
First of all I did not come on here to have the severity of my disease or my doctor's judgement in prescribing MY medications called upon.... but thanks for your input. My little girl has severe pain in her knees, doc thinks it may be juv. arthritis and is testing for such, has prescribed codeine for when other meds fail to work. And it is the only thing that does work for her right now. They were not within anyone's view or obvious reach and of course I thought my son could be trusted and are now locked in a safe. Why question the bank card - he has a job and a bank account to have his pay deposited into. He no longer has access to that money. Your lack of support and guidance is disappointing to say the least. He has had all freedoms removed and is being offered in person counselling and online meetings as well as NA meetings - what else am I to do?
SOrry if you are offended. I simply would not have these dangerous, controlled substances in my home, and I voiced my opinion. That's just me. I wish you and your family well,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I'd highly suggest he start making some face to face meetings. Online meetings can be a nice supplement to recovery, but if face to face meetings are available, I'd point him in that direction.
Whether he's truly hit bottom or not, no one can tell you. I've got a daughter 30 years old, still active in alcoholism/addiction, and I have since given up on her ever finding recovery.
She is no longer welcome in my home.
Another thing I'd recommend is making the boundaries very clear as to what you will/won't tolerate, and the consequences if he doesn't follow through.
My youngest (now 20) spent 16 months in the system after she finally ran away with a 24 year old man-she was 15 at the time. I had turned to every resource available when I saw all the red flags going up, and no one helped until then.
She learned there were consequences to her behaviors/attitudes, and she did take some good things away from that experience, as did I.
Also check with your social service office and see if they offer any parenting classes (or can refer you to one that does) that are geared towards teens. I took one before my youngest was released back to my care, and I got a lot out of the classes.
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
Sounds like you are doing everything you can. Have you been able to get to a face to face alanon meeting? And it doesn't really matter what your son is addicted to. You belong here. You are in the right place. Just keep comming back and you will find the answers and your life will get better.
Hi M, When I went thru this with my boy, at that age, I thank God had good insurance. I sent him off to survival school. Katherine Freer. It really changed his life.
My husband always said he preferred AA. Addiction is addiction, There is no reason your son cannot go to AA.I used to go to open meetings with my AH and there were teens there too. I am sure he could find a sponsor and get some support and help.
Failure?? for what? Sounds like you found what he was doing, and did not just let it go or kick him out. You immediately looked for answers.
Plus I can tell ya after many years of working with teens, for him to open up to you shows you are a good mom and there for him.Most kids would not do that.
Maybe you can get him to an AA meeting when you go to an alanon meeting? You can also get him literature for teens who are addicted to drugs.
If he is ready to stop and needs to detox, I sure would look into getting him into a detox facility.
What is his passion? Or does he know yet? I know what helped my son was motorcycles. Dirt bike kind.He also loved the outdoors. I was a widow raising him and his sister, I took him fishing, the three of us went hiking a lot.
Whatever is his passion, I would encourage it.
Keep coming back. You must be so proud of him for admitting to having a problem and coming to you.
You two are really way ahead of the game, believe me
NO more failure bs. Failing only means we have more to learn. love, keep coming back.love,debilyn
Good to have you here especially with an open mind, willingness and some spunk still left in you. By the time I got into program that was the closest I had come to dying while still standing up.
It's something of value when the addict still has a conscience and openly admits what is going on, how he is feeling and that he needs help. I use to be a behavioral health counselor in a substance abuse program and two school districts. You don't know if it is real or not so what is required is trust and patience without wanting to ride his shoulders all day every day. He was able to hide it from you for a while though that doesn't mean that he was liking his addiction...lots of addicts don't and being addicted is not fun and robs them of happiness. But your son has gone off to an AA meeting and has asked for help. In the preamble to the meetings we sometime reads that if the alcoholic, "....can be willing and honest. They can find help." So your son has displayed both. Don't pat him on the back yet...leave him to continuing to do what those of us who really want to be sober do...we continue to go and reach out for help. Often times the younger person is much more receptive to recovery than the older adult for many reasons. AA will not put him out for either his age or for his drugs of choice. They will invite him in and offer him the help he is asking for and from which they had their lives saved. What, how and why they share with him is exactly what, how and why the members of MIP do it. We share what helped us and worked for us. We share it honestly and with empathy and compassion from the awareness that if it worked for us it will work for others. Why we do it is mostly hinged to the responsibilities were learned from our sponsors and others and the spiritual voice of the 12th step which says, "Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps. We try to carry the message to others and practice these principles in all our affairs." When anyone, anywhere reaches out for help, let the hand of Al-Anon and Alateen always be there and let it begin with me. That is the Al-Anon statement of purpose. AA's is very similar. You and your son are not alone.
Let me say that my step-son reached recovery within his 17th year of age. His mom and I at that time had no idea he was using and drinking...only he did. He had a desire to arrest the disease (His father also is an recovering alcoholic) and we didn't know that either. It took one sentence for him to become interested in stopping his addiction and today he has half of his life clean and sober. We are still amazed at how that happened. Let go and let God and you also will be amazed.
Good luck to you and to your son and daughter. (((((hugs)))))
Strangely these is almost less stigma with NA than therapy. Please get past that old attitude and look in the yellow pages for a counselor for your son. Make two or three one time appointments with different people and see which one he likes best. Often times the first session is free but ask but don't let that stop you from taking your son to see who he gets along with. Have your son see a therapist for one or two years until he is 18. Its fairly low cost and very helpful to navigate confusing emotional waters. You might look into it for yourself also with a different therapist of course.
Christine
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One must always do what one thinks can not be done.
-Eleanor Roosevelt-
