The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yesterday I was foolish enough to think that a corner had been turned. My A Son went home (off the steet) with his X Wednesday night. Yesterday she called to say they had been to the mental health clinic and as soon as they felt his body was clean, he would go back on Lithium. Today was supposed to be outpatient something. He came on the phone and was agreeable. I was ahppy, hopeful, into it, pleased etc. This morning at 7:30 she called hysterical to say he was being miserable to her and she was going to drive him back up to his druggie friends because that's what he wants. Then he called to say it's not what he wants, he only wants to get his stuff from their apartment and it's her fault that he doesn't have it all. My old despair and misery have kicked it big time. I finally feel that it is hopeless. My son is a bipolar, drug addicted, alcoholic, and there is nothing i can do about it. I want him to be better, and there is nothing I can do about it. It's been 4 hours since I heard from them and I'm not going to call. If he is back up with his friends, he will be on the street again. If he is with her, it can never last because they feed off each other. So I know I have to try to live etc, but it is a huge effort to even stand up. Laura
Laura, I have never experienced having a child on drugs or Alcohol, I have a A Husband, nephew, and x sister in law and a close friend whose both children were alcohol and drug addicted . My friend advised her addicted son that if at 18, if he did not have a job or was enrolled in school he would have to leave, he was diagnosed bi polar also, he was very disruptive to the family and always in trouble. Well, his 18th birthday came around and he had neither a job or school enrollment, she said he had to leave the house, he did, on a bike. There was no contact for many years. My friend hung tough, I really admired her courage.That was 8 years ago, at this moment he is clean and sober, he found his way to a sober house, Now, he is on meds for his bi polar and is going to Berkley and living on campus and will graduate soon, has his own band also. The daughter is clean and sober too. There is hope Laura, tough love worked for my friend. Your in a position of being the Parent, which to me is the hardest, we can always divorce our husbands, but not our children. Stay with your higher power, let go and don't be dragged into the drama of it. Let your son know there are rules if he wants to be part of the family. set your boundaries, what are you willing to do and what are you not willing to do. Most importantly keep coming back to Alanon and keep sharing. There is always Hope. Luv, Bettina
dear lady I know there is nothing in my life that hurts as much as when my children are hurting or won't talk to me.
I am so sad you have to go thru this. Can you have any kind of relationship with him? Maybe with alanon skills you can learn to develop some kind of agreement such as you meet him once a week or so to just say hi and tell him you love him?
I know when I had some good skills molded in me, I could be around my AH to apoint and be ok. I was no longer bothered by the smell of alcohol, no longer mad about it. How could I be mad at a disease. I loved and love him, hate the disease.
with me and my kids, many times I relax and remember sometimes all I can do is love them.
"I don't know much, but I know I love you, and that may be all there is to know."
Aloha Laura!! Ouch what a painful post. It is soooo painful living like that. It might be a great suggestion for you and your daughter in law to go to Al-Anon meetings with the idea in mind that you will be sitting with lots of people who have been there and done that and now have solutions to the problem of living with an alcoholic/addict.
I don't know of an better place to be than around people who know and can empathize with you and love you for where you're at.
Keep coming back here. You're qualified as is your daughter in law.
Thank you all for your kind thoughts. My DIL has been to alanon, but she never stays with anything, therapists, friends, jobs, school, pets, etc. for very long. She saves my son everytime because she is afraid of her guilt if something happens to him. Something is happening to him, she just doesn't get it. I saw on my caller ID that she called at 7:30 last night when I was out. I called back at 10:30 and she hasn't returned my call. I did nothing today. No news can mean he is with her and behaving, or it can mean she dumped him with his no good friends. I am trying to work up the courage to call, but if he is in druggie land it will be like a knife. Laura
