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Hi has anyone ever had this problem?. I did a fourth step before ..but it wasn't really an honest one. I am now starting another five years later. I am trying to get a list of people I resent and can only come up with one person so far and that was just resent A month ago I was resenting all kinds of people and things etc. What am I doing wrong? Thanks nat2000
Try doing a narrative about your life or the 441 questions. If you do a google and put in 4th step al anon you'll come up with the questions which go from cihldhood through adulthood.
There are lots of ways to do the 4th step. I am just using the Blueprint for Progress, 4th step workbook. It has a chapter on resentments. Maybe you could try going on and coming back to resentments when you have some surface.
I didn't find a ton of resentments either. Some were more circumstances than people. I don't think I am a particularly resentful person anymore. I used to be, but I waited almost 2 years into the program to do my 4th step, so I had learned an aweful lot about the disease, myself, and how a lot of stuff just isn't about me. I think that really allowed me to let go of a lot of resentment before I even knew what I was doing. I still have a few, but they just aren't the focus of my life anymore.
Most importantly, relax. You don't have to do it perfectly. If you can't find the resentments this time, maybe it's not time yet. There will be another time down the road. Cut yourself some slack, and easy does it.
In recovery,
Jen
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Someone said that resentments are usually against people that we did something to to first, then they retaliated, and then we are resented. So we offended first. A different way to look at it because we started it and then blamed it on them. I had the same trouble but I need to go back over it.
Carry a small notebook/pencil in your pocket. Certain stresses will bring the resentments back to the surface. When they do, you'll have the tools handy. Just put a first name to the face. While your head is in the situation scan your memory for others that are linked to that person. For instance a work resentment might flood your mind with many coworkers in that era. reflect on each memory and just note their name if you have any uneasy feelings. LAter you can figure out what you felt. Your just looking for names right now.
Another thorough and related method scans through major life changes like graduations, marriages Jobs, moving etc. Our major affairs involve Family Work and love interests just to brush across the top three.
Always pray for help and God will provide it. Relax, ask also for removal of fear, self pity and any other blocks to your sight. Imagine for instance you last major life change. get the time and place and start letting the faces and names of Family coworkers and friends roll through your mind Once again write down any names that cause you discomfort... and then move on. move back through the next life event and do the same thing. Don't dwell, keep moving This isn't hard but quiet time is often limited. For me a half hour is a long stretch. an hour is a luxury so keep moving. You can finish this in one sitting.
Just names.... Just names. look at specifics later. This list done by just looking for discomforts instead of specific resentments can be used to look at fears/ insecurities, Harms done, resentments etc but separate it later.
Just get first names. they are just memory joggers for later. if you can't remember a name write what you can like blond fella/sis's Boyfriend. As long as its enough for you to remember is all you need right now.
